HELP!!! This is so horrible!?

Question

Hi this isn't Jackie just so you all know this is her sister i hope this isn't a problem
my boyfriend and i have been seeing each other since the 6th grade. We have never EVER broken up once. I'm not trying to make our relationship sound like the "perfect one because we did have our arguments and such. We both decided it would be best for us to attend the same college as well. We have been engaged since my junior year of college and we had plans to get married right after we both graduated college this year our "graduation gift" to each other. I have loved him for 10 years of my life! I was 12 and i am no 22. TODAY...out of nowhere he told me he could not marry me. He said he felt he had to at some point in his life experience other women before he could marry me. He told me he's felt "confined to me." his whole life and he would like to meet other women. WHY would he break off the engagement like this? I'm shocked..i feel like i wasted 10 years of my life! I LOVE HIM what should i do

Answer 1

Let him know how you feel, and Then let him go, You cant hold a guy, they will just want to wander more, also if it was meant to be, he will come back.

Answer 2

While it's a shock, he is right, after all. Since you and he were 12, you've never had any experience with any other people. You haven't necessarily wasted 10 years with him; they were obviously good years. However, you're still very young--lucky you!--and this will be your opportunity, also, to experience more of life and love and people before you settle down. I know it doesn't sound like it right now, be he may actually have done you a favor, in the long run. Your relationship with him began when you were both extremely immature. You have been totally devoted to him all that time. Now that you're much more mature, you can spread your wings and see what's out there. You may be surprised that that old adage about there being a lot more fish in the sea is actually true! I'm so sorry this didn't work out as you had dreamed, but at least you didn't waste 10 years of your adult life on this relationship. You will grieve over your lost love, and that's all right and natural. It's okay to cry and feel terrible, but, as a dear friend of mine loves to say, "the best revenge is living well." Live well, my dear. After you've had some time to come to terms with your situation, take the bull by the horns and make the most of this opportunity to experience your freedom and life. I'm rooting for you!

Answer 3

There is really nothing that you can do. He has told you why and if you two have been together for 10 years and never saw another, it might be good for you to take a break. I know this is not what you want to hear- but it would be better for the break to occur now, than for him to do it after you marry.
The only thing you can do is hope for the best. Have you ever heard 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'? Maybe this will be the case, he will start trying to see someone else and realize that he actually wants you instead of someone else.
I know exactly how you feel, I was 13 when I fell in love with my first boyfriend and it ended after nine years with him cheating with my best childhood friend. I truly hope that all turns out differently for you. Best wishes.

Answer 4

I can totally understand the way both of you feel. I was in a relationship since the age of 14 to 21 and there was a lot of thought on my part that I never got the chance to experience different things. How do I know that he was the one I was meant to be with. Little did I know he was thinking the same thing...we actually both decided to take a break from our relationship and today we are friends but he is married to someone else and I am currently engaged.

Answer 5

What a JERK!! I feel so bad for you. 10 Years is a very long time, and he shouldnt of just dumped this on you right before the wedding.
The first problem is, is that you found your true love but you found him to earlier. He loves you, Its clear that he still does very much. But this whole wedding talk is starting to sink into his brain and hes getting scared if this is what is best for the both of yous. Perhaps he doesnt feel fair to you, if yous did end up getting married and than later down in life have thoughts of what it would be like if yous dated other people before yous got serious. As hard as it sounds, you need to look at the good from this, and if yous are meant to be together than he will notice that once he sees that your the girl of his dreams. It might be best for you to just date, nothing serious but date other men for a bit, this way you will see how you truly feel. Hes all that you knew and you never got the chance to experience other people and relationships. So try to push yourself out there and see other men, as he will be doing with other girls, And i know that its a very very good chance that he will come back and yous will find one another, and strange as this sounds...yous will be even closer and stronger than ever before, and there will never be doubt again.

Answer 6

This is easier for me to understand his point of view because I was in his position. My first boyfriend and I dated off and on for 2 years. While he dated other people, I always found myself waiting around for him. Finally, when I was 18, we started dating again and suddenly he was talking about marriage and kids and that's when I realized that I hadn't ever really dated anyone else. I had a few boyfriends, but ended up breaking up with most of them before anything romantic happened. We went our seperate ways and it took 10 years for us to find our way back to each other but we both have our life experiences that we wouldn't have had. I went to school (college), ended up marrying someone, having a daughter, and getting divorced which all led me right back to him. We've been married for a year now and just a had a beautiful baby boy! I guess what I'm trying to say is that had we dove right into this over 10 years ago, we'd probably be the ones that got divorced. During the time apart, we both learned lessons about who we were and what we wanted out of life. While I really hope it doesn't take him 10 years, allow yourselves time to grow as individuals. You've been a couple for so long - find out who you are w/o one another. If it's meant to be -you'll find that the road will lead you right back to one another. good luck!

Answer 7

Wasted 10 years of your life??
Honey...your life has JUST BEGUN!!!
Love at 12 and love at 22 is totally different. Just like love at 32 will be different. And 42...and so on...

I could use the cliche', "If you love someone set them free...", but I feel like that isn't what you want to hear. Right now, you want to know how to get it back...the relationship, the comfort of how things where.
But my dear...there is no going back...only moving forward. Right now you should be focusing on graduation, your future career. Focus on friends and family. He is feeling some resentment, right or wrong, towards your relationship. He wants to go out and "experience" other women. Well...let him go and let him KEEP GOING.
You are both young...and while I know this hurts...instead of giving all your energy to what "should be"...think about what COULD BE.
He needs to grow up...as do you. And as you grow, what you want in a relationship will change as you do. There is a big world out there and alot of fantastic men to meet. You deserve the chance to "expericence" life as well...GOOD LUCK!

Answer 8

He feels he needs some more experiences. It makes sense. You're still young. It's not like you wasted 10 years of your life. That's being very dramatic. Many people don't even date until later! I think you should just move on. Find a better man that wants you and no one else. That's what you deserve. If this other guy ever wants you back, don't do it! He gave up a good thing, so let him suffer.

Answer 9

My boyfriend and I, were each others first also. We met freshman year of high school, and started dating sophomore year. We have now been together for 5 years. Last year we also had this come up. He kept mentioning it till finally I decided that if he feels like he couldn't be with me without at least dating another person in his life, then not allowing him to date another woman would be worse than telling him I couldn't bare it. So we had a short break. He went on a couple dates with one woman, they also had sex. Every day we talked just like we usually did, he told me everything that happened every day. I was surprised how jealous and scared I was, but he came back to me because he loves me. You should let him go on a couple dates, and he will come back to you after his time of uncertainty is over. He obviously loves you, the thing both of you need is to be honest and everything will work out. Also before you go on a break you should talk to him first. It seems to me he is just in a time of uncertainty, and needs to make certain he truly wants to make a life time commitment to you.

I know it's hard but if he doesn't come back to you, then your marriage probably would have ended up failing, if you had went through with it. I have learned from my aunt it's much better to break up when you are young, than to break up when you are old. That's the very worse that can happen, remember it. Almost certainly he will come back to you. But either way I wish you luck.

Answer 10

I know your heart is breaking. I know it is...But this could actually turn out to be a very good thing. You both have been together for 10 years, you were very young when you got together..Im sure your love for each other is incredibly strong. Im sure he loves you without a doubt. You know my daughter was dating a guy, and fell in love, and wanted to marry him..I stood behind her at the time, because she is my daughter, but deep inside, I worried, because he was her first boyfriend, and I knew that if they would have gotten together...later on in life,,5, 10 yrs from now, she may feel like she never got to date around..they ended up breaking up..But my point is...Maybe this is a good thing, Talk to him, communicate your feelings, as hard as it is, let him know you want him to date other people, and maybe you should to...If you are meant to be together, you will find your way back to one another..Its better to date others now, then to get married, and regret it later on down the road, that neither of you dated others. Im sure he loves you, he wouldnt have stayed with you all these yrs if he didnt. Talk, and let him know that you want to remain friends, let him know you are gonna date others also, let him know how much you love him. Maybe he is just thinking and realizing that marriage is permanent, and he wants to make sure..this is a very mature thing for him to do, although it has hurt you, Like i said, its better he do this now, then 3 years into your marriage..As hard as it may be, support him, love him..If he doesnt come back, You will know when its time to let go..
But, he very well, may date some other women, and realize that NO one compares to you, and it may make him realize how much he loves you.
I know it hurts. and Im so sorry, But like I said..Its probably a Blessing in Disguise...

Answer 11

It is not easy to keep a relationship alive when you choose to settle down so early. Always wondering about other people, wanted other experiences, maybe fulfilling fantasies (3somes, bisexuality, fetishes, etc.) I also chose to settle down quite early with my husband. I was 15 and pregnant. So likewise I felt as though I didnt have the chance to experience other people. Me and my hubby realized that we would never survive with wondering thoughts like this, so we decided to join a growing community of 'swingers'. This lifestyle is definately not for everyone.. but it keeps our trust levels at an ultimate high and we comunicate about everything a hundred times better now. It just allows us to fullfill fantasies and to do it with others who take precautions to not spread anything. It is always safe.. and we make sure to have a friendship with potential partners first.

Just try and work it out.. give him time to expore others, and I suggest you to do the same.. then get back together.. just give him time. It will make your relationship even stronger. He just really needs this so don't worry