i went to a parent/teacher conference with my new husband for the 1st time and this really pissed his exwife off.she had to go by herself.she feels she should go with my husband not me and i have no right going since i'm not her sons mom.she made such a stink the school asked my husband to keep me away to avoid any more problems.since this happened she has done other things to let me know she will always be queen bee since she has a son with my husband and i don't.my husband and her both have joint custody and he does not agree with this but will not go against her in fear it will hurt his son.was she right to act this way?should i just back off with kids stuff till she finds a new husband to keep her busy?
2007-01-26 14:29:58 · 11 answers · asked by bettyjovincent67 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
as much as you are in the childs life it still must stink for her not to be with the parent of her kid. a bitter pill to swallow for her so try to empathize with the fact that some of the dreams they must have had embarking on childbirth didnt pan out the way we all hope and dream.as good as im sure you are thats a noble thing to realize that you must back off for the sake of the child.
2007-01-26 14:58:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
I think you should back off for a while. Honestly if you put yourself in her shoes, you might be a little insecure with this new wife showing up at a conference. I don't know your circumstances, but if the marriage ended because you and your current husband had an affair than you should expect her to be angry (which I do hope isn't true). Otherwise, you do need to lay back for a while until things die down between the two of you. Otherwise she is going to make things h... for you, the husband, and especially the child. As adults we tend to think of ourselves and not the children because of our own feelings. If it is going to cause that much tension, then the best thing for you to do as a woman (even though you love the child) is to not attend. Let mom and dad work it out. Your husband is a smart man. He knows how she is and he knows what is best for his child, so take his advice.
2007-01-26 15:25:41 · answer #2 · answered by Ms. Chick 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If she is going to make that much of a fuss you'll probably have to back off for the sake of your husband and the child. As a step-child, I would have been thrilled if either step-parent had taken this kind of an interest. I don't think you over-stepped at all - I think the child is lucky to have an EXTRA person that loves him that much! Make sure he knows that you're not staying away from the school because you don't care... but you don't need to let him know what an insecure idiot his mother is. He'll figure that out soon enough.
2007-01-27 07:47:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
This really depends on who has physical custody of the child. If you hubby's ex has physical custody, then I think you should have consulted her first before attending any conference. If your husband has physical custody, then you are a bigger part of this child's life, whether his ex-wife likes it or not. In this case, I don't see any harm in attending conferences. What bothers me the most is that your husband is letting his ex-wife treat you like this. I believe he should defend you more. Your hubby should have a sit down with her and have some common goals when it comes to child rearing. This would send red flags to me. I hope this works out for the best.
2007-01-26 15:00:09 · answer #4 · answered by Rebecca K 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I've been doing this for 10yrs. I've tried the talking and letting her make all the decisions and tell me what I could and couldn't attend. 3yrs ago I snapped!!! The son has watched his mom step on me, boss me around, and make decisions for him in MY home. He now thinks he can treat me like she did. She has him brainwashed into thinking that because she is a single parent we abuse her and give her the short end of the stick. She says the son needs to defend and protect her. (He does no matter what!!!) She is needy and thinks only of herself! (Have proven it!!!) Her actions single handedly have caused her son harm.(He failed a grade under her supervision and is now being threatened with expulsion. When we had him fulltime he got good grades no detentions or trouble.) You need to stand up for yourself and so does the hubby! SHE needs to understand that whether SHE likes it or not YOU are his STEPMOTHER and FAMILY and no matter what she does it WON"T change! She needs to realize that the best way to parent this child is as a TEAM! Even the court system says it takes a village to raise a child. She is very naive to think that only SHE and the hubby would always be the only ones who matter. (Studies show that kids learn more from peers and non-relation.) What happens when the kid grows up and sees true colors and looks back? Who will be ashamed of their actions and who will hold there head up high? Stand your ground, but ALWAYS do what is right for the kid!
2007-01-26 18:51:36 · answer #5 · answered by Debbie S 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
How long have you and your husband been married and how long have they been divorced? Is this all new to her?
I think you should let her have this one. You are a huge part of her son's life and you are married to her son's dad. It has to be hard. Expecially since her ex is remarried and she is not. So he has moved on completly maybe she hasn't. However you look at it that is her son. So just be there for her son and try not to step on toes. It might be hard but worth it for the child. Also if you are social and can speak to her you might want to sit down just you and her and discuss this. Try to set some boundries. Let her know that you are taking her feelings into consideration and maybe she will takes yours into consideration in return. Good Luck!
2007-01-26 16:43:38 · answer #6 · answered by melodi_jean_99 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
you did not overstep boundaries
you should go to listen only
listening is the wisest action for you
back off next conference and see what she says
but don't back off of other kid stuff for now
support your husband's attempts at being involved in the child's life
a united show of support will not hurt the boy
discord will hurt the child
go to events FOR the child
don't stay home FOR her
this is about the child...not her
2007-01-26 16:29:52 · answer #7 · answered by Library Eyes 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if you are helping you husband raise this child then you must take an active role in that childs life. Including parent teacher conferences and your hubby needs to tell the school that you will be attending with him. You must never let anythig come between your union as man and wife
2007-01-26 16:35:18 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Can I assume your husband filed for the divorce? She sounds very insecure about her position of mother and possibly fearful that you're going to try to take over role. Yes, she was wrong. But if your husband dumped her and then married you, she may be pretty sensitive for awhile. Let your husband attend his children's parent-teacher conferences without you and with her. You still have the upper hand in that you're married to him and she isn't. Be gracious in your understanding of her mindset and let her have this one.
2007-01-26 15:02:07 · answer #9 · answered by Yo' Mama 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I think you should be included in family business b/c you are apart of that family now and his ex wife needs to grow up and act like an adult and be mature about the situation.She needs to reevaluate herself and see that acting ghetto at a school function is not the way to go b/c its hurting the child most of all b/c he/she has to go to school again and who's to say the teachers/other parents aren't talking about it ....bottom line kids come first and its messed up you can't be included...and maybe until everybody can solve the situations........
2007-01-26 17:09:57 · answer #10 · answered by flyest_f3mal3 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋