an ongoing issue so I recommended he talk to a professional but he only wanted my help.I tried my hardest to help him.Come to find out he kept a secret that he had a child he never met w/a one night stand b/f we met.I helped him come to terms with it & when he finally met the child he ended our relationship to pursue one with the mother of his child.I found all this out when I was in the hospital this past summer.I was pretty ill &the response Igot was never to call him again.There after he manipulated me into thinking I aided him into going back to the mother becauseI told him he should be a part of his child's life.Theyr not together anymore.This guy alwaysprofessed is love forme,I met his family.So I'm havin an awful time dealing w/how he treated me after I helped him with his serious threats of suic. Icertainly let him knowhow I felt.I told him he messed w/my head, used me &that he doesn't exist to me anymore.He has not even tried to be remorseful.Its been 6months, Icant let it go,why? How can someone do thid to someone else? He turned from Mr Wonderful in Mr. Horrible just like that. Ironically, I am seeking therapy to understand it all. And I have so much anger inside still six months later.
2007-01-26 14:09:31 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Realize first of all your anger and feelings have to be acknowledged. You have to say to yourself this is what happened to me, it was unfair and hurtful. Say that to yourself realizing the facts.l The next thing you need to ask yourself is am I going to let this flawed person I tried to help be the filter that affects how I see the rest of my life? Your ex had issues that he spread to you. Do you hand over your life to him, giving him the power to sift through the hundreds of people you may meet throughout the remaining time you have alive and view them through a damaged cock-eyed lens? NO I say you are more valuable than that. Now you need to know you're more valuable than that. Think of people you knew before he came along and refashion the lenses that you see life thru, it is very difficult but if you change how you think and not concentrate on the hurtful things he did, and what morals values have always been important to you, you can eventually realize you tried to help keep from killing himself which was a wonderful thing , but now your paths have diverged from each other, and you need to lessen his importance in your life., this is a start
2007-01-26 14:30:17 · answer #1 · answered by magpie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think of it as: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. When you are deeply connected to/invested in someone, and they do something so ugly, messy and horrible to the love you gave them, the consequences are often overwhelming. Because the person was so close to your heart, it is definitely harder to deal with, than any stranger doing something horrible. In an overwhelming situation of my own, it's taken me a few *years* to fully process the situation and be ready to move forward with my life. Accepting this process (rather than fighting it/wanting to feel better "now") has been the only way to really heal. You are "holding on" because you are still trying to heal/process this situation (not because you're going to necessarily go back to him, etc.). The good memories are calling you back to face the bad ones. If you run into him again, both good and bad memories/emotions will be present (not just the good ones).
There is only so much you can give to a relationship, before you don't have anything left. He clearly has problems beyond your control and you are right to divorce yourself from such a toxic situation. And you have to love yourself first, before you are ready to love *anyone* again. Walk away wiser, never give so much of yourself that a person really can "take it all away." Make sure you always save a little for yourself, no matter what. And maybe you'll be aware of any warning signs with other guys in the future.
Be good to yourself, and give yourself time. Therapy is a good way to share the burden (because that's what it really feels like!).
2007-01-26 14:49:26 · answer #2 · answered by joie_du_cor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First my heart goes out to you
It has only been 6 months give yourself time to heal. You are healing from a broken heart and broken trust, which the trust I feel is worse.
He got you just at the right tome when you where down ill and in the hospital, that is not a man to do such a thing ........ You are a good women to help him through such a sensitive issue.
You are smart getting help coping with this, That shows you are a strong women a smart women.
You will overcome this. You are a, STRONG, SMART, INTELLIGENT women and do not let any one tell you other wise.....You deserve so much better in your life. Some one who will love you deeply.........But this I know will take time
Trust is one hard thing to do after you have been trampled over, but in time you will learn to trust again not tomorrow or the next day but one day.
You did not love this man in a day you will not forget this love in a day
Stay strong the pain will ease (yea easier said than done, but I have been there)
2007-01-26 14:28:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too was in an on again off again relationship with a fellow who had many issues, mental illness and never seemed able to finish up any of his old unfinished business. I saw so much potential in him if only he had someone to "help him" ( me!)
It was very hard to have it done and over with it lasted for 10 years. (off and on)
The only thing that I have to say to you about letting it go would be .... holding onto resentment and anger towards another person is like taking poison yourself and expecting the object of your anger and resentment to get sick. ( the only one it hurts is you) You will be able to let it go only through forgiveness and that is a process BUT do not fall into the trap that I fell into by forgiving and forgetting. Forgive him for being inperfect and realize that you both are only human, but don't think that forgiving him will change him or the situation at all. Forgiving him is the way you get over it and get on with your life.
Hope this helps!
2007-01-26 14:58:46 · answer #4 · answered by sherilldee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to realize when someone never cared in the first place. You are a strong woman and did the best you could for him. He is just making excuses for everything in his life. I know this sounds harsh, but I am sure you are better off without him. Your first response for him to seek professional help was right on target and I do not mean that in a sarcastic way. It sounds like he just wanted someone to listen to him, but got the bonus with you when you felt sorry for him. There is no need for you to go to therapy. He was messed up and you did your best to help. It's better to find out now than to have spent a lifetime with someone who obviously didn't know who they were or what they wanted. I'm sure you have much more to offer someone who truly deserves you.
2007-01-26 14:26:11 · answer #5 · answered by Donna N 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so so sorry. He did it all the wrong way and left you holding the bag. His true colors had shown through and he has hurt many in the process, including his own creation. You were right in encouraging him to get involved in his child's life and for this you will never feel guilty but he didn't have to leave you. I don't know who advised him but it wasn't right.
Have faith and forgive him, even though you're still very angry with him and rightfully so.
2007-01-26 14:24:30 · answer #6 · answered by ♨ Wisper ► 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know as painful as it was you should of been glad he left you. I mean this guy isnt right in the head and it seems all his BS has really screwed with your head to. You need to get out of this..it may not make sense now but give it take and i swear you will realize it was all for the best later on. I have been through it before..these threats of "ill kill myself" are rarely followed through with...and you shouldnt let it hold you back.
Its good you are seeking help in dealing with your emotions about it but you NEED TO GET OUT OF IT....
2007-01-26 14:22:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dad commited suicide... Was the last day of 7th grade for me... :'( .. The last thing he said to me was "I love you son" when he dropped me off at school...thats the last time i saw him.. It does give a feeling of closure... But trust me you are not alone with losing someone to that.. Just be strong.. I was.. I loved him to hell and back..
2016-05-24 03:59:15 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get over it already
I notice u have asked this question 5 times already
and u r seeking therapy
and there r better guys out there
2007-01-26 14:22:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has pulled you in like most borderline personality disorders. It is not your responsiblity to keep him alive. He did fine before you, and he'll pull the same crap on his next victim.
It's not you.
2007-01-26 14:20:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋