I just found out my older sister's cancer is gettig worse. I want to be with her but what's the best approach

Question

We have always been pretty close even though there ia a 11 year age difference. I just lost another sister last February to an auto-immunne disease and she was only 55.
This sister recently recieved a report that the chemo was helping and then yesterday she got another report that it was worse than before. This really broke her spirit. I wnt to see her and be with her but don't want to make things worse because of her worrying about how I take it. She's like a second mother to me. She's been fighting this thing for a long time noe "about 12 years". We used to live 12 hours apart but now only about 3 by car. What can I do for her.

Answer 1

Thanks to Sharman's answer - really useful stuff there.

I have stage 4 bowel cancer which must have started after 1997 when I had my gall bladder removed and then I read there is a 16% increase in the chance of getting bowel cancer if you have your gall bladder removed!

Was finally diagnosed in June 2002, had surgery and then 6 months chemo. All was well until September 2005 when a check up CT scan discovered at least 5 very small tumours across both lungs and another in my liver rather larger. Had another 6 months of chemo, then a break for a few months when the tumours in lungs increased and the one in liver grew a bit, so now on another 6 months of chemo.

I accept that my survival depends on the success of the chemo, and that will be my life from now on, but when they say enough's enough your other organs are rotting, I'm equipped ready with apricot kernels and a grinder. I know people who have been cured with this treatment and the power of positive thought.

'It's not about the bike' by Lance Percival is a good read from the man who went on to win the Tour de France 7 times after beating Stage 4 testicular cancer.

When I stop posting you'll all know I've lost the battle - but I'm not planning on letting that happen!!

My mum's 98 in July and has had breast cancer 3 times since age 71 and a mastectomy at 91 - she drinks Allo Vera juice every day! St Jude is a good guardian angel to adopt as well - the patron saint of lost causes and hopeless cases - search on the www for the novena prayer if you're interested.

Love to you and your sister and I will think positive thoughts for her.

Answer 2

Oh James, I am so sorry for you and your family.

Really, the best thing you can do for your beloved Sister is to be there, and be yourself - the same loving little brother she knows so well. There really isn't anything 'different' that you need to do. Just be there.

You are, at least, living much nearer to her now. Try to see her as often as possible - tell her when you'll be coming over, and stick to it. You need to share time with her - for both your sakes.

If she's eating and has an appetite (I know that many cancer sufferers do not) then make or buy her favourite goodies, and take her yummy things to eat. Take her out for a drive, if she's up to it. Give her a foot massage.

Now, this is another idea which was the right thing to do when someone very, very close to me was suffering from cancer - it may not be the right thing for your Sister, but I shall suggest it anyway.....had you considered spiritual healing? Healers do not claim to be able to cure cancer - they cannot do so - but when my special person was suffering and could not leave her front room, she would be visited by a healer I had found, once a week. What the healer did was to 'take her out or herself' for half an hour, every week. I shall never forget the look on my loved one's face when she was receiving healing. She was at peace, in her own special calm place.

Spiritual healers are not linked to any one faith; our healer was a fantastic guy who, in my opinion, helped my special person in ways I can't describe. The website for the National Federation of Spiritual Healers is http://www.nfsh.org.uk/ . There is a link on the site where you can find healers in your area. Incidentally, our healer visited my special person for about eight months, once a week...and charged nothing. Many charge little or no fee.

James, you seem like a lovely chap who loves his family....you're already doing all the right things, I am sure. My thoughts are with you all.


x

Answer 3

Yes her child would get unwell! An opened can of method should be used within a month. Your sister desires to stop giving that bad youngster the method. She will be able to are attempting WIC or even a ladies's shelter to check out and find some right system to give her. Her pediatrician may be in a position to help her find some as well. Fairly, though, if she would not have $8 to buy a can of system(that is the ordinary sort, nonetheless simply as good) then she wants to get her priorities straightened out.

Answer 4

Your sister needs you more than ever at this moment of life. I too lost my mum to cancer 8 months ago and we were very close, she was my best friend apart from being my mum. If you can stay with her and chat about the past, when you both were little. Remember good things from the past. Show her that you love her and stay strong and positive. I never used to cry in front of my mum as she had enough worry with what she was going through but when I was not with her I cried all I wanted. Yours sister is in my prayers. God Luck and God Bless. If you ever need to talk do not hesitate to email me.

Answer 5

sure her infant ought to get ill! An opened can of formulation must be used interior a month. Your sister needs to end giving that undesirable infant the formulation. she would be in a position of purpose WIC or possibly a women individuals's take care of to purpose and discover some suitable formulation to furnish her. Her pediatrician could be waiting to help her discover some to boot. truly, nevertheless, if she would not have $8 to purchase a can of formulation(that's the customary style, nonetheless basically as stable) then she needs to get her priorities straightened out.

Answer 6

Being there for her is the best thing you can do..and being there doesn't necessarily mean in person; call her and leave messages for her (if she isn't up to talking), send her little poems or notes.

I know it is very hard to know what to do for someone with cancer. My dad died July 12, 2006 from a 2 yr battle with esophageal cancer and though I still live with both my parents I wasn't always sure what or how I could help my dad. But, I knew that being there for him was important not just for me but for him too. Dad and I were so close and we always will be. I could usually tell how he felt, on his good days - I would climb into my parents bed with him and we'd lay there watching TV, or we'd talk about everything and anything. Mainly, I was just there to listen to him, most times the talks were happy and cheerful, but on occasion the talks would be about his fears, his concerns. I know that when he was hospitalized for the last time, mom and I would spend all the time we could with him. I'd spend most of the day with him and mom would come in after work and spend the rest of the time with him. As time got closer to the end - we were there round the clock with him (the floor he was on was the cancer floor and they had relaxed rules about visiting and staying). As difficult as it was for me to see him slip away, I knew that he could still sense my presence and it gave me comfort to know that he could relax knowing mom, myself or my 21 yr old sister and 20 yr old brother were there with him.

You and your sister are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.

Answer 7

Be with your sister every chance you can, but try to understand that she probably also wants you to continue living your life to the best of your ability. She does not want you to feel guilty about visiting or spending time with her.

My sister in law passed away from advanced breast cancer. She knew for 12 months that she would die and was in hospice care. Her four adult married children tried to spend every weekend or possible moment with her while maintaining homes and jobs. But this actually added to the stress level of my sister in law who always felt like she had to act like she was not sick when they were around. My brother finally had to ask them not to come around so often as it was making their Mom feel bad. Keep that in mind . . visit, by all means, send cards, flowers, little gifts . . but make sure that your visits are welcomed. She already knows that you love her. She knows how bad you feel. So, now just enjoy her as much as possible and do not look into the future. Enjoy the present.

Answer 8

the best thing you can do for her is be brave, even if you're scared or worried don't let it show because it might cause her to be more worried. Offer her a shoulder to cry on when she needs it, do research for her, reassure her and just be there whenever she needs a friend or a sibling.

Answer 9

Go and be there for your sister. You can be of great help to her by listening to what the doctors say, reading to her and being there to listen. She may have things to say that you may not want to hear but just listen. Most of all, do not give up hope till she is gone because hope is what gets us through. Love her and understand her. Look after you to!

Answer 10

i know how you feel. the love of my life has had cancer for 3 years now and i know its insainly hard to firgure out how your sopposed to help. you dont want to say or do the wrong thing and make them think about it. but honestly the absolute best thing to do is just to act normal around her. dont treat her like shes sick or that she cant do something JUST becuase she isnt 100% healthy. the reason why cancer patients feel so down is because they arnt treated like everyone else. act like nothings wrong, dont talk about anything related to her cancer unless he brings it up and wants to talk about it. thats when you should listen to what she has to say and support her. but if she doesnt want to talk about it then talk about normal everyday things that you've always talke dto her about. even before her cancer. i kno its hard to watch someone you love go through somthing so awful for such a long period of time but being there so they kno you care and not treating them differently makes all the differnce in the world. i promise.