what can I do to stop thinking about her? I want to stop feeling this way.?

Question

I broke up with this girl in november because I found out she was cheating on me. It was totally unexpected and no one saw it coming. We never even got into arguments. We were together for 5 years and 7 months. Every one thought we were going to get married and I was only waiting at most another year before I poped the quesiton. She cheated on me with an older co worker. When I found out she got really depressed and said she wanted me back. She made a huge seen the day after I broke up with her. Till this day she says she wants me back. But her actions show me other wise. She has gone on a date with another guy since we broke up and she does not call me as much as I would call her if I were trying to get her back. Bottom line is that she is probably just trying to get over me and she is way ahead of me (obviously) since shes the one that cheated. I guess it makes it harder because she says she wants to get back together. I want to let go and forget about her but I cant.

I keep thinking about her and I get really sad. So sad that I can't function some times. Its been a few months and it does not seem to get better. I have even tried to go out with other girls but I just start to feel guilty because I still love my ex and I don't want to just use these girls.

Answer 1

well from my experience, this happens to alot of people who get into long,serious relationships.my advice to you is that even though it may seem akward to talk to her, usually its the best thing you can do.i think you should talk to her about the situation to get the air clear. you might want to ask her what made her do what she did, not to where its a demanding question or where she feels akward or ashamed. ask her in a mood where the tone of voice is calm and she feels comfortable enough to talk to you about that kind of topic, since you havent talked in a while. then its up to you to work it out amongst each other. i hate to say that ive been in this situation before. just remember that there is always someone out there.the hard part is finding them, and if you think you have fond "the one," work for it.best wishes for you man

Answer 2

Theres nothing you can do to stop the feelings you have. You obviously love her still and you have to ask yourself if you will be able to move on and let the past remain in the past if you get back with her.
There are relationships that can be salvaged after an affair, but both parties have to be open and honest and agree to certain terms.
I suggest you talk to her, tell her how you feel and begin to see if the relationship is salvageable. If it is, schedule a meeting and discuss what each others hopes, dreams and fears are. You need a reason, she needs to fess up why she cheated. If the two of you can come to an agreement to rekindle what was missing that made her cheat, then thats fantastic.
As far as her dating, dont expect her to wait around on you forever just because you are still hurt. She wont wait forever, she deserves a life as do u. So make up your mind to either try again or forget it and stop talking to her. She is not a mind reader and doesnt know what you expect from her. She has told you what she wants, now she is waiting patiently for you to either give it another shot or not. In the meantime, she is dating because even though she loves you still, she may be feeling that since you havent made an effort to work it out, that she may have lost you forever and needs to move on with her life.
Either crap or get off the pot bud. Life is too short to wait on anything. Good luck.

Answer 3

First, I take it that he is your first, as if he wasn't, then I don't think you would be feeling this way. And he isn't "settling" for you, there is no way that anyone, that isn't a ****, would do that. He wants you, only you. Yes, he has been with others, however that doesn't mean that he loves you any less. Think about this: when you two break up, assuming you don't get married, you will eventually be with other guys. It is simply what happens. It is nothing similar to having sex with these other women either. Think about using silverware. You use the silverware, it touches your mouth, then it gets washed, and then touches another's mouth. Your mouths did not touch, and this is perfectly acceptable. As for the self esteem, you are going to have to tell him to not talk about the other women he has been with. Tell him that it turns you off, and he will be careful to not say anything =]. Also, large breasts are not always a good thing. For me, If the breasts are too large, it is actually a huge turn off. Try to not think of any of the other women, as he has at least been cleansed since the others. There is no real reason to be ashamed (even though I can understand why you are =/), because think about it, he wouldn't choose you if he didn't love you, and you can still compete with these other women. In fact, he broke up with them, and now he is with you. That makes you the winner over them =D.

Answer 4

She stopped calling because she's waiting for you to call.

People make mistakes. Cheating isn't a small thing, but people do forgive and move on. And, it's not always "once a cheater, always a cheater."

Maybe she didn't think you'd ever ask her. Maybe she wanted to test the limits... who knows. People are crazy.

It probably won't get better. Not until you meet the right person. And, if you don't, then you know where she is.

Not saying get back together, but if she's still calling you... maybe she hasn't moved on and she knows she made the biggest mistake in the whole wide world.

Answer 5

Okay, JV. Five years and 7 months is a hellavuh long time to be together without the relationship going further.... could it be that somewhere along the way, without a solid commitment in the way of an engagement, things got to be just a little boring for her so she felli nto the arms of an older man who knew just how to make her feel special and sexy all over again. What the hell was taking you so long to slip an engagement ring on her finger? My guy and I were together for two years before we got married. What did you want to do... just go be sweethearts and nothing more??? Truthfully, I think she just got tired of waiting on you and decided to move on. If you want her back in your arms again, slip into your Romeo alter ego. Think back to five years ago.... what was it about you that she fell in love with. Can you recreate that?

Answer 6

Look her it is straight up,,,,,
She is leading you on so that when she is done messing around and being immature she has some one to fall back on ... if i were you i would just get over it !!!!!!!! go out with friends have a blast ... even a very protected one night stand ... make your self feel better .... what has happend is you have felt comfortable with her and didn't need to impress other woman but now you feel sad because your not realizing that there are females out there that want you ..... GO OUT !!!!!!!!! FORGET ABOUT HER!! SHE DON'T DESERVE A SECOND CHANCE .. you are to good for that /.....good luck

Answer 7

It takes a long time to get over a long-term relationship...but trust me...you will get over it in time and will be a better man because of it. Imagine how sad you would be if you were married to her and maybe had children, and she cheated on you. It's best to find this out now. She's not worthy of you. Give yourself time to heal...then move forward and don't look back

Answer 8

I may sound insensitive but the only way that you can overpass her is by realising that you have to survive. Show some self preservation instinct and move on. She is a lost cause. Think that as long as you stay and mourn for her you may miss a chance to find someone that is really ment to be for you. Finally you have to realize that it is better that way because, can you imagine yourself find her cheating you while you were married?

Answer 9

I'm going through the smae situation here. Me and this hirl dated one another for a while and we had done everything with one another and I can always make her laugh and smile and whenever she was down I would always cheer her up. But one day she decieded all of a sudden to stop our realtionship even saying that it wasnt anything I did. In the beginning I was slightly depressed and I was getting worse by the day. But after I while you just tend to let them slip away from you and lose your interest in them because of something they did

Answer 10

You want to stop thinking about her? Then stop. when you find your mind wandering to thought of her and your past together stop it and go do something else. Start counting or name the presidents or go for a walk or anything but let her stay on your mind. It is not easy and you will need to work at it at first but soon you will think of her less and less. The best way to forget about the past is to work towards a better future.