Best Joke Wins?

Question

Hello, Send in your favorite jokes the best joke will win 10 Points ! please give this compo a star !

Answer 1

how do you get a nun pregnant?

dress her up as an altar boy!!!!

Answer 2

A little "off color" but this joke always gets a bunch of laughs when I tell it:


Sylvia and Irving are getting married, and Sylvia tells Irving that everyone in her family has always gone to Miami for their honeymoon. They are short on funds, so they decide to take a bus.

The night before the wedding, Sylvia's mother reminds her of the tradition that all the women in the family have always waited until they were in Miami before consumating their marriage.

So, after a lovely wedding and reception, Sylvia and Irving hop on the bus expecting to arrive in Miami about 36 hours later, with one motel stop along the way. Irving, trying to be a very patient husband, unfortunately finds he can think of nothing else but arriving in Miami and becoming "man and wife" in the true sense. So when they stop that night at the motel, he begs Sylvia to reconsider. Although equally tempted, she stands firm in keeping the tradition, and she and Irving get separate rooms.

Next day, back on the bus, 10 hours later and still 8 hours from Miami, the bus driver gets sick. The bus company promises to send a replacement driver in the morning, so Sylvia and Irving spend another agonizing night apart at a motel.

In the morning, they're off again on the bus with the new driver when, unbelievably, the bus breaks down about 4 hours from Miami. Even more incredible, the bus needs a special part that has to be overnighted, so the driver informs all the travelers that they have to spend yet one more night at a motel.

As Sylvia and Irving go to check in, Irving wearily requests 2 rooms, but Sylvia interrupts and says to make it just one room. That night, Sylvia and Irving have a wild and passionate evening of lovemaking and, finally, they are literally man and wife. The next morning, after the bus is repaired and as they board, Irving adoringly looks at his wife and asks her why she changed her mind, though he's happy she did.

"Well," Sylvia says "when we were getting off the bus last night for the third time, I overheard one passenger complaining that by the time we get to Miami, the f***ing season will be over!"

Answer 3

A guy goes up to the bar and orders a drink. When the bartender brings it to him, a little man about a foot tall jumps up onto the bar and kicks his drink over. The little guy then goes over and kicks over another guy's drink but no one said anything because they didn't really know WHAT to say to a guy only a foot tall so everyone tried to ignore him but all night long, the little guy was running up and down the bar kicking drinks over. Finally, the bartender says, "Buddy, I don't mean to offend you but I think these people are tired of getting their drinks kicked over. What is it with that little guy, anyway?" And the man says, "Well, I was out in a field yesterday and I saw something odd-looking sticking up out of the dirt so I dug it up and it was a magic lamp. A genie popped out of it and told me that he would grant me one wish for freeing him. I told him that I wanted a 12 inch pr*ck and ...THERE GOES THE LITTLE BAST*RD AGAIN!!"

Answer 4

An elderly man and a punk rocker are eating at the same cafeteria. The old man is staring at the punker, what seemed like an eternity. Finally, the punker looks at the old man and says,"What are you looking at?" The old man told him" I once fooled around with a parrot, I thought you might be my son"..........................Might be worth the best joke for 10 points?>>>>>>>>>

Answer 5

There was this guy named Kenty, who told people if they send him a joke he gives the best one ten points. The JOKE is on all who answered.

Answer 6

Batman and superman where chatting at the annual super heroes dinner and dance, when Superman says,
'You would never believe what happened when i was flying over here earlier', 'I saw wonder woman sunbathing naked on the roof'
Batman couldn't believe his ears and said, 'wow, what did you do?'
Superman says, 'well i swooped out of the sky, stripping all my clothes off as i approached her, then i landed on her and sha**ed her'
Wow said Batman, I bet she was surprised,

Yeah said superman, but not as surprised as the invisible man

All that and a star eh!

Answer 7

LITTLE JOHNNY:::
Little Johnny was pulling a wagon behind him and one of the wheels kept falling off. This frustrated Johnny and every time it fell off and he had to put it back on he cursed. D@$n PIECE OF S@$T
FU@$IN wagon. This went on for a while and a priest heard him. the priest went over to Johnny and asked why he was cursing so much? This D@$N PIECE OF S@$T WHEEL KEEPS FALLING OFF THIS D@$N FU@$IN WAGON ! he screamed. The priest said well my child you should not be cursing so much GOD is everywhere and HE can hear you. Johnny thought for a minute...and asked is GOD in that tree over there ? Yes my son, GOD is in that tree.. OK Johnny said then is GOD in that car down there??? Yes GOD is in that car down there! The priest answered... finally Johnny asked Is GOD in my grandmothers basement?? The priest, amused by the little tyke, said Yes GOD is in your grandmothers basement my child!!!


Johnny replied :

YOU MOTHERFU@%IN LIAR MY GRANDMOTHER DOSENT HAVE A D@$N BASEMENT

Answer 8

Think the best joke is you have left us five days to answer. Ha

Answer 9

a pregnant woman walks was into a bank one day an a bankrobber came in a tryed to rob the place she ran to escape but he shot her 3 times in the stomach but she survived and went on to have triplets 2 girls and a boy. she had never told them about been shot and 15 years later one of the girls runs ou from the toilet screamim mammy mammy i was going to the toilet and a bullet popped out of me... the mother told her the story then then the same thing happens to the other girl..... 5 minutes later the boy runs out screamin mammy mammy.... but she says let me guess you were going to the toilet and a bullet popped out of you... and the boy said no i was wanking and i shot the dog...............................

Answer 10

A guy who has a stuttering problem says to his doctor... "Ex-Ex-ex-cu-cu-se me-me d-d-oc but-but I-I have th-th-this st-st-stuttering problem and I-I-I was wo-wondering if you c-c-c-could help m-m-m-me?"
"Well, take off your clothes and get into this gown and let me check you over!"

The guy gets into the gown and the doctor begins his examination. Finally the doctor, obviously suprised says, "I see what the problem is. Your penis is so large that it's pulling on your abdominal muscles, which in turn is causing strain on your vocal chords."

"W-w-w-well c-c-can you h-h-help m-m-me?"

"Sure I can, but we'll need to cut off about six inches!"

"G-g-go a-a-a-head,D-D-Doc,I-I-I-I can't t-t-t-take this an-anymore, d-do it!!!"

Six months later the guy goes back to the doctor. "Well doc," he says, "I must say that the operation was a great success, but my sex life really sucks and I would like my operation reversed. Please put back what you took off!"

The doctor replies, "F-f-f-f-f-**** off!!!"

Answer 11

old mother hubbard went to her cupboard to get her poor dog a bone, when she bent over, the poor dog came over... and gave her a BONE of his own!!

i dont even care if i win thts funny. hers an older one

jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some mari=j=uana, jack got hi, zipped down his fly, and said do ya wanna?, jill said yes, took off her dress, and they did the h@n-ky_Panky, stupid jill forgot her pill and out popped baby franky