what should I do? be mature please?

Question

I know this girl she is 27 and I'm 29, right now she is in final stage of her divorce and been separated from here husband for almost a year. I like here a lot and I know she feels the same way....she told me so and all the body language signs are hard to ignore. I've made my intentions very clear and she didn't resist but now she is telling me that she is worried because her divorce isn't done and she wouldn't want to loose me as friend...what does she mean by that?
what can I say to make her feel better about this?
her husband is no issue...as a matter of fact he is already dating seeing someone else for 6months. She couldn't care less about him....and he is the one who is dragging his feet with signing the papers.
I just got out of a 5 year relationship back in October my self
when I was in the relationship I didn't see her often, only at social events with plenty of friends around including her husband who also is my friend
she told me that she is not ready for relationship yet
I was cool about and understanding, i backed off a little but we talk all the time, catch a movie or a dinner on occasions....she tells me everything about her divorce
just last night when we talked I told her that I'm waiting for a friend of mine to give me a ride, and she says "I wish you would have call me , any time you need a ride just give me a call''
is she trying to get closer to me after telling me about a month ago that she is not ready and she is confused?
back then she was thorn and little hurt by the divorce but since than her husband turn the divorce into an ugly battle field and now she hates his guts
what is going on?
Is it a good idea to give her something little for V-day? And what would you give in this situation so it wont make you look to pushy or desperate?
Also as I stay out of town all the time is it appropriate to give here something way ahead or after the 14th or it doesn't matt


ok, I know some of you might tell me she needs more time, but she has been separated form him over a year and hardly see him anymore....
would she be more willing to jump both feet in if the divorce is final?

Answer 1

She is insulting you by not letting you get into her pants. If you were Brad Pitt, do you think she would say no to your advances?

You have to start treating her like sh*it. Maybe she will actually appreciate you then, and start putting out. She is not going to change even when the divorce is finalized. You are on the verge of becoming her "friend". Don't fall into that trap.

You should probably start seeing other women too. When she finds out that you are seeing other women, she will panic, and give it up to you right away. Next time she calls to get together, tell her you can't make it because you have another date with another woman. Tell her you can't wait forever for her to make up her mind. You have needs. You are not committed to her, so she should not be able to say sh*it to you. See if she spreads her legs then.

Answer 2

My friend, it's very difficult to give advise on such a matter since details make a lot of difference. For example, I don't think you mentioned who left who in the divorce and under what conditions, this can make a big difference in a person's ability to open up to love afterwards. Some need to grieve longer that others. Maybe right now, she needs nothing more than a friend to talk to, maybe she's confused about feeling so strongly towards another man (you), maybe she needs some a self-confidence boost by flirting or teasing... maybe.

Bottom line is, you say you talk to her all the time... Then what you wrote above, you need to ask her. And whatever comes out of it, it's for the best, even if it doesn't feel like it in the short term.

As for V-day, I'm a poet at heart and found poetry to always be the perfect gift... and it could be an ice breaker to start the conversation.

Answer 3

Wow- I can definitely shed some light being through a similar situation myself. Just because she is now considered "single", doesnt mean she wants to set up house with you. She probably does have true feelings for you. She just doesnt want to be crowded and in a serious relationship this soon. She values you and your relationship with her- she likes how she can talk to you and how you were there for her when she needed comfort. However, she also knows what type of relationship you desire and this scares her. Rather than destroy a good friendship "on the rebound" she will most likely have other relationships (not with you). Don't take this personally. This could be the largest compliment and show of how she really feels about you as a person.
For V-Day: a handmade card that tells her that you will be there for her. Find something little that would mean a lot to her- use your head here, details count. Most of all, stay in touch with her from time to time and don't pressure her. Tell her that you want to go out for coffee ( or the equivalent) and hope she will join soon. Keep your visits short and sweet until she asks for more.
Hope this helps from a girl in the same spot.
PS- you can always ask her what she wants from you.

Answer 4

No, she may not be attached to h im physically but she is emotionally, for a gift maybe a teddy bear and a friendly card would be appropriate for the occasion, she doesn't really know what she wants or means right about now she is still going through the stages of the divorce it's almost like a death, you go through so many stages... don't think she's ready for a relationship just yet, she needs time to mourn because even though she may seem cool about everything she still has memories and thaughts of should have could have and would haves so give her some time she'll come around she just needs some "her" time she needs to pamper herself... you know don't worry everything will be alright... it's just they both will go through the "mourning" stage but nothing is serious they will still get the divorce so just keep that in mind and good luck

Answer 5

A divorce is a traumatic thing. My Dad still won't get married again and it's been 12 years. He's been with someone else for ten. Maybe she is just scared. Get her something for Valentines Day. But you should make it something light. Like something comical or cute. Something funny that would make her smile. Don't give her anything overly serious or romantic. A divorce is stressful and maybe she is just not ready and won't be until it's over. I don't know about jumping in with both feet either. After you been with someone for along time it is very difficult and uncomfortable being with someone else. It's kind of scary. So if she is worth it to you just give her some time and wait a little after the divorce.

Answer 6

Dude: I can understand your predicament. I advice that you give her space and stay on the sidelines for a while. I am not saying stay away; I'm saying stay on the sidelines. A weekly phone call followed by some flowers can do wonders toward getting you what you want. Taking her to the comedy club is also a good call. Don't get stuck on her, though. She may not want you at the end, but there is no shame in trying. Be classy and be tactful. Patience, slow pace, and continuity are the key here. I would say that after about a month of the flowers the calls, and the comedy club she should be ready.
You are a nifty kind of guy.
Get the girl, tiger.
Mr. M on "what should I do?"

Answer 7

Coming from a gals opinion...Ok so im gonna tell you she needs more time. I was single for 5 years cus i just wasnt ready to jump into another relationship. (Even if its been 1 year) Take the time to be freinds and let your relationship as FRIENDS grow. If she is saying she doesnt want to loose you as a friend, its a nice way of saying "i cant or dont want to date you yet" The divorce thing is also just another excuse. She may still want to meet other people and keep her options open. If you do a V day gift, dont make it a boyfriend girlfriend gift or "i love you" gift. Maybe a DVD she likes or possibly go somewhere mutual and have fun together. Who knows, maybe your feelings will change about her.

Answer 8

First, I think she is putting you off. I don't think she sees you as partnership material - not yet anyway.

Speak to her again after her divorce is final. If she is using it as an excuse it will then evaporate and she will have to be a little more honest with you. But, experience tells me that when a woman tells you she doesn't want to lose you as a friend it means that is all that she wants from you. Think about it. She is saying that she is not willing to risk the friendship to pursue romance with you. So it must mean more to her to remain friends.

That could change and you might find that worth waiting for. As for V-day I see nothing wrong with a card but based on my opinion of her feelings I wouldn't go beyond that right now. Plenty of time to show her you care if and when the relationship turns to something more substantial.

Answer 9

Be a good friend to her, let her know by telling her. If she wants more, and you're pretty sure of that, tell her you want to do the right thing and wait until she's divorced to pursue a relationship with her. For now, tell her you'll wait for her.

That's the proper thing to do. A letter or a thinking of you card for V-day would be nice, nothing too personal. A sort of "between friends" kind of gift.

Eventhough her husband is dating, she's got her own ideas and moral standards about dating while she's not yet divorced. Respect that, and support her decision on that. Let her know that you are interested in her and you'll be around for her as a friend until she's available.

Answer 10

Hi,
Sorry. Relationships can be tough. If you read my thing, I'm only fifteen, so I don't think I can help too much, but I am going to try.
I think she probably feels like she wants to get closer to you...but then, I'm not an adult. I'm used to high school relationships, Don't think I can help here, sorry.
But I can help about Valentine's Day! Since she sounds like she is your really close friend, I don't think it matters what date you give her a gift on. But giving her something on the 14th shows that you care a lot about her. I would say you can't go wrong with traditional! Get her some flowers or chocolate, perhaps. Or maybe you can get her something silly, or give her tickets to a concert or event. Tickets to an event would probably be an good idea in my opinion--it can be a date, or a "just as friends" thing, however she feels about it.