When is it time to say enough and move on?

Question

I've been in a relationship for about a year or so. A few months back he proposed to me. I said yes. The relationship started great as any new relationship. We have similar likes, but the hardest part has been trying to adapt to his ways. He is the conservative type, i'm more liberal. Unfortunately, this has caused strain in our relationship because we view things differently. I've come to the conclusion that he's just afraid of not being in control. I've recently asked for some time to think about our relationship. I'm not sure if I would be able to conform to his ways as I am a very independent woman. I've tried talking to him about it, he'll recognize it for a few days and then go back to his ways. I miss him dearly!! But I don't want to get moved by that feeling and go back where we left off. I know that you can't change a person. Quite frankly it would be tiredsome in the long run if I would even attempt that challenge.

Answer 1

You know the answer to the question you're asking, you just need someone to confrim the answer. If you marry him he will have you like he want you or you will just give in to make everything in the relationship OK. It will not work. You continue to be independent. I think if you stayed with him, as sweet as he maybe, you will loose yourself. Look around 10 years later not at the point of life you thought you should be, by then are you're gonna be so upset with yourself. You probably have a clean house, food on the table and some babies to play with and raise, but not a thing for yourself. You are right to tell him you need time to think. If you're asking the question then I would say back off. You'll find someone that will let you be you and will be thankful that they have an independent woman. You are so right, you can't change a person and if he is a die-hard for his feelings then he will pretend to see it your way until he get you and then he'll go back to his own ways. You know, there's nothing worst then to fall for a good guy and then find out that you won't be happy with them. When I was younger I would have stayed with them just to be happy for a moment. Gosh, I'm glad I've grown up.

Answer 2

Ms. Annie what a boring and awful relationship it would be in my opinion if you both did act and behave in the same manner and/or agreed on everything. It makes life more exciting and educational when we have different interests and beliefs than our partners. My fiance and I have many things that we hold and cherish our beliefs about and because of this we have had some great and interesting debates and conversations. Providing neither of you are trying to change the other person and/or change for the other one then I don't see the problem. If you need to take time to ask yourself if you personally could live in a lifestyle as you described then do so. But at the same time remember not only the things that bother you about your partner and relationship but also the good things and times. If the negative outweigh the positive then let him know you cannot honestly commit to this relationship and be happy. But if the positives are on top then you and he will both have to do something that a lot of people refuse to do these days, and that is to work on repairing your relationship. Today a lot of relationships are viewed much the same as the products we purchase and are looked at as disposable and people just give up far too easily. You and your fiance may even want to look at seeking out some kind of relationship advice and/or counseling. Best of luck and much happiness whatever you choose.

Answer 3

The #1 predictor of longterm relationship success is similarities in values. Everything else is secondary. If you are able to identify, perhaps, 5 of your core values and ask him to do the same, then compare, I think you'll find it very enlightening. You can do this on your own or find some free "core value quiz" out there to help you out. There MUST be a basis in order for the marriage to be successful. What would you say is the basis of your potential marriage to this man?

Here are a few questions to seriously consider:

Will you have children? How many? How soon?
Do you go to church? If so, how often and how important is religion to you?
Is it important for him and your family to get along?
Will you work after marriage? Fulltime or partime? What about if and when you have kids? Will the children attend daycare or will you stay home with them?
Is saving $ important to you? How important is having a savings?
Who will control the checkbook? Will finances be discussed or will one of you call all of the shots?
Will you live in the country, suburbs or the city?
Do you want or already have pets? How does he feel about that?

Answer 4

It's tough to change a person when they don't want to, and that applies to you as well.

You're not willing to change the way you are either or to compromise and agree to disagree.

If it's that much of a problem for both of you, then maybe you should call it quits. It's normal that you would miss being with him, you got used to his company. But you're not getting married to just have someone be there when you feel lonely.

Being married, it's become important that we both give and take. There's been time when my husband and I have really been unable to agree but eventually one of us gives. It takes a lot of commitment and humility to give in to someone to make them happy. If your giving in is too much for you, especially in the way that you naturally are...it's going to be an exhausting marriage.

Have a long talk with your fiance about your disagreements and points that you really can't back down from. See if you can work things out now rather than later. It's so important that guys talk about your goals for the future, where you want to live, your political views, your beliefs in general. My husband and I did that and we found out we had the same ideas in mind for our future.

Just talk. No more breaks, really consider talking to your fiance and setting a day aside to do it in.

Answer 5

Well you've only been together for a year and I would suggest getting to know him better. And getting to know a person does not happen in just a year. It can take years some times to get to know him well enough to make sure you want to marry him. And since your having second thoughts and you don't like the way he treats you , and you don't want to deal with that for the rest of your life then you might want to reconsider marrying him.

Answer 6

You could always compromise....meet in the middle, if that would be acceptable. You could, agree to disagree. Or you could do away with a relationship that you really enjoy, and a guy that you miss dearly, just because you don't agree all the time......"food for thought".....

Answer 7

possibly they want closure. maximum basically ought to pay attention from people what they already comprehend. a great style of those questions look asked by skill of youthful girls. I won't enable my youngsters date until they are 15. yet, some grown women individuals are not clever sufficient to attain what over skill. by skill of how, I hate feminazis. I nevered burned my bra and begged to connect the paintings tension, i could have been satisfied to stay homestead and elevate my youngsters and feed my husband. regrettably, we want the earnings. yet, I particular am satisfied those women individuals did that for me. in any different case, we will not be deemed clever sufficient to apply the internet.

Answer 8

i think that as you said think about it for a few days you may not want to go back to him but what if a few weeks down the line you see that you have made a big misstake dont run away from it just yet give him and yourself time.

Answer 9

You have the right idea you can not change people, therefore you should not change either. Even though it is hard maybe you guys just aren't right for each other. The pain will go away.

Answer 10

U need 2 leave him & find some1 else that u are compatible with & that u can view things on the same level.