I'm having a problem with one of my bridesmaids. She's been a close friend for a few years, but she has some serious insecurity issues, which surfaced when my fiance and I got together. She accused me of never being around any more, which wasn't true. I just had to plan in advance because I live with my fiance. I was taken aback by her attitude because she has never made herself available to me on a moments notice. A couple months ago she acted like a primadonna at my surprise birthday party, that my fiance planned. She didn't know everyone well and let it be known she was not going out of her way to get to know them and that she also was not happy. After a few pointedly mean comments to me, I finally said something and left my own party. She's never truly apologized and I no longer consider her my best friend, but we still maintain a friendship. My fiance thinks I should ask her to bow out as a bridesmaid. I agree to an extent, but want a drama free wedding. What do I do?
2007-01-26 09:48:33 · 13 answers · asked by ? 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
At this point, you might as well keep her as a bridesmaid and hope for the best. Otherwise, she may show up at the wedding/reception and make a bigger scene.
Good luck!
2007-01-26 10:01:15 · answer #1 · answered by Angie P. 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance is right. DONT make her a bridesmaid and maybe consider not even inviting her. She is not your friend anymore. She only cares about herself and does not seem to really want to be involved in your life. If you want a drama free wedding dont make her a bridesmaid.
I have the same problem by the way. I had a best friend who is no longer my B fried after the way she has acted over the years. So i am NOT making her a bridesmaid and I may not even invite her to my wedding, it is up in the air right now
2007-01-26 12:07:07 · answer #2 · answered by Educated 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, your bridesmaid is jealous. I had a similar problem with one of my bridesmaids a few months ago, but her actions were bad enough that I cut off all contact with her and told her I couldn't trust her to act appropriately at the wedding.
However, if she has been a close friend of yours, it's possible to repair the relationship. Try to make a "date" with her. Go out and have a girls night with just the two of you, and bring the problem up in a thoughtful conversation.
Ask her why she's acting this way and what's upsetting her. (You already know why-jealousy-but this may give her an opportunity to explain something you may not be aware of or apologize.)
Explain that you're looking forward to sharing your big day with her and other people you love, but you want the day to go as smoothly as possible. Ask her what you need to do to make the day go smoothly for her and make the situation more comfortable. It may be that strangers cause her to be anxious or nervous (they make me feel that way).
If after trying to have a heart-to-heart with her she's still upset, maybe it's time to say, "Y'know, it doesn't really seem like you want to be a part of my special day. I don't want make you spend time or money you don't have. I don't feel comfortable having you in the wedding party if you don't support me in this."
2007-01-26 10:38:53 · answer #3 · answered by jazzgirlpdx 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What a dilemma. If you two are or were really close go to lunch. Tell your friend your feelings and be very honest with her. She might have a side to this story you aren't even aware of and this might give her a chance to bow out if she wants to. That would make everything easier for all concerned. Adults can work issues out. Just act like an adult and she will do the same.
2007-01-27 02:18:56 · answer #4 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like there is going to be drama whether to ask her to bow out as a bridesmaid or when (not if....) she is a stinker at the wedding and/or reception.
You will be nervous enough on your wedding day without worrying about when she is going to make a scene.
If she has paid for her dress/shoes,etc., offer to compensate her.
But just get it over with and focus on enjoying your big day.
2007-01-26 13:40:22 · answer #5 · answered by Julie T 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just keep her as a bridesmaid, if you asked her to bow out she would really get pissed, just ignore her attitude towards you because she is obviously jealous of you. She hasnt even apalogized for being rude at your own bday birthday party. She is not your friend. I have noticed a lot brides say when it comes to having a wedding you find out what people are truly your friends.
2007-01-26 09:55:01 · answer #6 · answered by . 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you are feeling my bestfriend is the same way. To her she felt that my husband was a threat. Getting married to her was losing a friend. I told her it wasn't going to be like that but she is making it that way. If I don't hang out with her when she wants me to which is like twice a week she gets upset which upsets me because I really care about her but I don't want to live my life feeling bad so I have been kind of distant with her. I don't know what to do about it. Hopefully in the end she will come around and so will your friend or else it's ashame. I don't know if it is the same for your friend but my friend is single and lonely so when she needs someone she needs someone and If I am not there it is the end of the world.
2007-01-26 12:21:22 · answer #7 · answered by BabyDolll128 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the same boat and have asked 2 questions about it. (U can look @ them in my profile) People give 2 answers. 1) let it be and deal w/ her AFTER the wedding or 2) Confront her now and kick her out.......I SOOO want to confront mine but it will add MORE drama and she'll make my life hell before/during/after whether I want to deal w/her or not! If you let it go until after the wedding u have 2 c her in all your photos. Think hard and careful, make sure you have a support system to help deal w/the situation. You're gonna need it to deal w/her no matter what your decision is because she WILL get worse the closer you get to the date. I'll keep you posted on mine, let me know how u handle yours. Maybe we can give each other pointers! GOOD LUCK!
2007-01-26 12:40:56 · answer #8 · answered by Debbie S 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You poor thing! I am so sorry that you are having this problem with your friend. It is not fair and not nice at all! The only thing I can think of trying is to talk to her about this and bring it up to her like if she doesn't want to be in your wedding that would be ok with you. Good luck!
2007-01-26 09:53:21 · answer #9 · answered by melodi_jean_99 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Have you done anymore planning with her with regards to dress/etc?? If she is enthused and joins in willingly I'd keep her as a bridesmaid. but if she is apathetic and unwilling to cooperate I'd ask her to bow out. I wouldn't want an uncooperative bridesmaid.
2007-01-26 10:27:26 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋