Reassurance please?

Question

I was raised a very controlled person. My brother also, really tended to pick on me. Now that we are in our 30's, my brother still makes fun of me. He thinks it is funny, but it hurts my feelings. He wrestles and plays rough with my kids and when I ask him to stop, he won't, and just keeps being rough with them. Whenever I ask him to stop doing something, he blames me for being sensitive or stubborn. We have alot of fun and joke around alot. We can get along really good if I play by his rules and let him pick on me. The last straw was when he started doing this to my kids. At Christmas he was wrestling with them. They said 'stop' and he didn't. They got hurt and I gave him crap and he lashed out at me and blamed me. I emailed him saying what the new bounderies would be and he emailed back really mean. So I told him that until he can show repsect he is out of our lives. Did I do the right thing? I know he has a point of view to.. but if I have hurt feelings... I think that is valid.

Answer 1

I had an uncle who tickled me 'to death'. He always thought it was Hilarious, even though I Bawled so Hard I Couldn't get my breath! I Never giggled or laughed, & soon came to Dread his arrival! My parents allowed him to do it right in front of them.
(They felt sorry for him, because my aunt couldn't have children...)

That was when I was so young I wasn't allowed to go off into another part of the house alone, like all my older siblings did.

It turns out that my parents & this uncle come from families who never developed true empathy. This development must happen when children are young, and is influenced by how they are treated, even when so young that all they can do is cry. Their brains are undergoing constant development, & both quality & quantity of development corresponds to what they experience.

There are no second chances for the development of the intricacies in the human brain. (Although, sometimes --if the need is recognized, special training might develop Another part of the brain to do Some of the functions lost due to whatever cause.)

You ARE doing the Right thing in protecting your children!

My family not only never developed true empathy or bonding, but this uncle who tickled kids to death, was like a 7 year old in his emotional development. That kind of behavior is what is called, "Age-Inapropriate". A true adult would respect your children's feelings whether their parent said anything or not!

Here are links to some info that will further back you up:

A Child's Early Years--What Should Parents Do?:
~ How Important is Early Child Training?
*> The Importance of Nurturing your Child
~ Your Role as a Parent
http://watchtower.org/library/g/2004/10/22a/article_01.htm

Help Your Children to Thrive! :
*> Harsh Words, Crushed Spirits
~ Parents Under Pressure
*> Help Your Children to Thrive
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/1997/8/8/article_01.htm

Protect Your Children!
- Your Child Is in Danger!
- How Can We Protect Our Children?
- Prevention in the Home
- Common Misconceptions
- If Your Child Is Abused
http://watchtower.org/library/g/1993/10/8a/article_01.htm

The Problems of Children ... :
- An Ongoing Search for Solutions
> Children Deserve to be Wanted and Loved
- The Solution at Last!
- Help for Young People
> The UN Declaration of the Rights of the Child
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2000/12/8/article_01.htm

Machismo--A Global Problem
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20011108/diagram_01.htm

To use if & when these URLs are modified : http://watchtower.org/search/search_e.htm

Answer 2

The family problems, aren't they fun... I think if this has bothered you as long and much as you say, then you were in the right place to tell your brother your rules. After all they are your children, your house and your choice, not his. If he truly cares, and respects you he should apologise and admit your right and abide by your wishes. As for picking on you, come on-- grow up a little and again abide by your wishes and calm it down. You have to stand your ground and make him understand that your serious and it's your life, not his. Best of luck to you and hopefully your brother will come around to see what your asking.

Answer 3

You keep asking the same question and it's the same answer. He should not pick on you or your kids, you need to stand up for you and them. If he gets his feelings hurt that might be a good thing, maybe he will think about how he is hurting others.

Answer 4

Yes u did the right thing he cant go around hurting your kids sounds to me he has issues that he needs to deal with by the way he keeps blaming u for his issues.

Answer 5

--Thank the Lord - You did exactly the right thing and don't back down ! And mean it - He's trying to Bully you again by E-mail and You and your Children come first - I know it took a lot of guts for you to do that - Be proud of you - Because I am proud of you ! - Best of Luck to you and your family - - Pattijo

Answer 6

Lay down the guide lines for your brother and if he can't deal oh well. your kids come first. Your bro is an adult and can look out for his self and you have to look out for your kids well being.

Answer 7

Yes you did the right thing. He needs to respect who you are and your family and home. If he can't do that, then tell him to stay home. Good for you for sticking up for your rights and your families rights.

Answer 8

yeh definately, if you were to just let him bully them like he bullied/bullies you then they would end up feeling the same throughout their lives. it might take this knock from you to make him actually realise what he is doing to you and them and he might make the effort to be most understanding...