What do I do about my inlaws?

Question

My inlaws wanted nothing to do with me or my husband for 8 years now. They consistanly make rude comments about our jobs, our house, what we buy and my weight, they even call my dog ugly. Honestly, I have never met two more ignorant people. My house is clean most of the time .... never dirty !! They come over and comment on the dog's toys being in the livingroom and they continue to clean up. His father is constantly making digs at my father. I can't take it anymore. Now we have a child, and they want to be with her at all times. I know that they want to have grandparent time but I can't stand it! I don't want them to touch her. I don't want them near her. She was a preemie and was in the hospital for 2 weeks. I didn't get pictures until later because it was around Christmas time and I didn't want to take her out in the crowds. So they took a picture and sent out their own announcements. I wanted to show off my baby! what do I do? I could handle them when it was just us.

Thank you so much for all your help. It seems like many of us are in the same boat. All you words were very helpful. It's always nice to hear that you aren't the only one.

Answer 1

First of all have your wimp of a husband tell his parents that there are boundaries.
Get a backbone and stand up for yourself! Unless they have some kind of hold over you, like financially, I cannot understand why you don't tell them how it will be in your home. Tell them you will not tolerate any negativity and if they don't abide, show them the door. Tell them you won't have that around your baby.

Answer 2

Proactively set boundaries. Establish a time they can schedule to visit your baby. Limit visit times (The baby is tired, and frankly we are sleep deprived too... thanks for visiting!)
Make them work for the visit.... can you stop by the store on your way and pick up some diapers, milk, whatever... so despite the stress they are creating, they are easing your stress in a different area. DON't worry about how clean your house is... next time hand them a broom and let them clean up! You are probably tired and could use some help! Establish behavior boundaries - we don't bad talk others EVER if the kids are around... if they start - ask them nicely to stop. Most people like that don't even realize how rude they are.
Take a deep breath - being a new mom is a lot of work and your body is going through major changes after having a baby. It will take time to get it all figured out.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

Be true and honest to them. Tell them how you feel about the way you are being treated. Tell them to stop cleaning an over clean house. Tell them that was not there job to make the baby announcements, it was yours.

Also let your husband know how you feel about his parents if you haven't already and maybe he can help I don't know though.

Lastly, they should be aloud some time with the child, but not a lot of time this is wrong for them to take over like that and really that is what they are doing.

In everything I told you do try to be kind, but do be firm about your needs.

Answer 4

Oh babe, I feel your pain! But unfortunately, only your husband can put a muzzle on them -- if you do it, they will only resent you more and I am sure the comments will be made in front of your daughter when she is older. Your husband needs to sit them down and give them an ultimatum --- shut up NOW and FOREVER, or don't come over and we will not be bringing her over there. In other words, your husband needs to grow a pair and stand up for HIS family -- you and the baby.

As for the announcements -- send out your own with a nice statement saying that "Even though you have probably received an announcement from 'John & Mary Smith' (whatever their names are), David & I (whatever your names are) wanted to wait till she was home safe & sound after her long hospital stay. Therefore we would like to proudly introduce our litte angel 'Amy" (whatever)" -- everyone that received one from 'mom' will understand --- especially if they KNOW her. That way you come accross as a loving mother, not a vindictive daughter-in-law.

Answer 5

I'm sorry, that sounds like a tough situation. First, make sure that your and your husband are on the same side in this, you don't want this to hurt your marriage. Then talk to them about it and tell them that you are the mother and father and it is not their place as grandparents to do things like sending out birth announcements. But make sure that you still give them some privileges/time with the baby, you want the baby to grow up with memories of grandma and grandpa too. Good luck!

Answer 6

Man, what a great question. I can't think of anything else that would make me want to become a violent person than when my MIL sticks her nose in our business. What you need to do is make sure you an hubby are on the same page with this. Does he feel the same way? If so, great, because it's now time to have a big long chat with them. Don't let them intimidate you!! You can even write your concernes in letter form and read it out loud in case you can't remember everything, or make a list. Hubby needs to do it too so it's not like you're the "evil" daughter in law. If hubby doesn't feel the same way as you, you need to voice your concerns to him and get on the same page so you're a united front. CLEARLY this has to stop, and the only way (however uncomfortable it is) to do this is a face to face confrontation by both of you. Oh, and since you're going to dish it to this, be prepared to take it from them as well. You know what needs to be done. Good luck!!

Answer 7

What you do is, settle for the rattling mugs, and start up putting some away in a container to donate and positioned the hot ones in the cabinet. She thinks she's giving super presents, so enable her think of it. Say thank you and circulate away it at that. i grants you my mom inlaw for a together as and you would be happy to get yours lower back.

Answer 8

Wow, girl, I'm sorry they're such jerks. But sometimes, and I'm not trying to be a jerk, we teach people how to treat us. So today is the day to put your foot down. Tell them that having people in a child's life is not just about blood relation, but about teaching a child and influencing her life. And their influences are really poor. Tell them exactly how their ignorant comments make you feel, give specific examples, and tell them what behavior will be tolerated in your home. Get your husband to back you up. If they can't comply, let them see your daughter on a limited basis. Even let your husband bring her over to their house...and don't go along. That's just disgusting behavior on their part. Stick up for yourself and show your child how to be strong and assertive! Good luck and congrats on being a mommy!

Answer 9

First you need to talk to your husband and get him backing you...

Now, if he backs you, he needs to talk to his parents about their behavior to ask them to be polite and respect the both of you by following some basic rules when they come over. Rules which you and your husband agree upon.

Your in-laws are use to bullying their way through things, but you two "children" need to take a stand with your dignity intact.

If your husband does't back you, then it's going to be a difficult and you can't confront them... they may not listen if it's just you alone. You and your baby may have to be unavailable. Do they just drop by or call ahead of time? Do they have the keys to your place?

When they were complaining about your house, did you ever ask them to stop? How did they react?

You may just have to tell them, "That it's nice that they come over to visit and you would love your child to see her g'parents, but please refrain from critizing our household. You and your husband are too busy and concerned about the baby that your comments only make things stressful."

Answer 10

honestly, I wouldn't let someone around my child liike that. They have nothing nice to say about you.. your child is going to grow up hearing people bad mouthing her parents. She will need to pick sides. She will alway question... 'is my home with mom and dad as secure as it seems to be..' she will be confused. My mother only gets to see my daughter supervised. She can have occassional times alone with her for up to 4 hours (on my daughters birthday or something). My reason is because my mom thinks that my life is terrbile and I am going to hell. My kid doesn't need to hear those things about her mom. My mom thinks I am raising my kid and living my life all wrong, so fine.. be that way.. and stay away from my kids. My kids have a good home and need to here how lucky they are... to here someone bad mouthing your parents feels really bad to a child and to gain the grandparents approval, all they have to do is put you down! They will pick sides