I am a divorced single mom, my son is 2.5, i am dating a new man, he is very involved, we live together, the relationship is fairly new at 6 months, my son is having a LOT of trouble adjusting. He cries "help! wheres my mommy! help me help me!" when him and my bf say, go to a different store in the mall while im trying to try on clothes, my bf gets very upset about this. he doesnt want to give hugs/kisses to him. he doesnt listen nearly as well, and he is just flat out more resistant. does anyone have any suggestions?!?! any advice i am grateful for!
2007-01-26 08:50:11 · 9 answers · asked by Burn to Shine 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Man. I feel like crap. I have been divorced one year. Moved out of state from the ex 08/05 and entered into a relationship that ended 06/06, didnt live with the guy. I have wondered if it was too soon. :( :( My son is the most important thing in my life to me, my bf tries really hard and is working hard to gain my son's trust. Our living situation right now is he has a house he owns, and i have my own apartment, he currently stays with me. Would it be helpful? if the bf didnt stay the night.. or backtracking?
2007-01-26 09:09:29 · update #1
Thank you thank you thank you bam bam
:tears: I am really distraught over this and your advice is wonderful. Thanks again.
2007-01-26 09:26:27 · update #2
crafty little thing !! I think he may be giving your bf a run for his money.
Do they have any fun boy time together without you in the picture. I mean real making mud pies fun. And the other side set out some special time alone with your little boy.
Maybe he should make it a game, when the "hlp, wheres my mom" comes up, he should gasp look at him with a big smile and say something like, oh no we left mommy in the other store spending money, quick lets go and see whats shes up to, grab his hand and toddle back to you. Thus giving him the reassurance that he can trust your bf.
The no hugs/kisses is for pure reaction, i see 2 possible options, for bf to back off a bit and not ask or go for a hug/kiss - not to cut it out completly the bf could blow him a kiss (unless child asks or goes to him - then embrace it), try the "don't give me a cuddle" play thing.
Not sure this is about your bf, it could be that your little man is protecting his interests.....YOU, he may be feeling insecure and wondering if you are going to leave (it is possible his dad did).
I had similar problems with my daughter, we did it gently, gently and within 12 months it was all forgotten and she adoured him, infact 5 years down the line she still does.
It is a difficult time for all of you adjusting, but with a little time and some good planning it will work out. (I am assuming your bf has no children, if so he will need your guidance and lots of hugs/kisses :-) GOOD LUCK
Just read some of the comments - go for it, you are not in the wrong for moving bf in, OMG some people.
2007-01-26 09:19:26 · answer #1 · answered by bambam 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What is going to happen if this relationship doesn't last? It's only 6 months into it. That is far too early to be introducing your child to another man let alone LIVING with another man. I am not trying to be bitchy, but I am going to keep it real.
If this doesn't work then there goes another man out of your son's life. The cycle will repeat itself and pretty soon your child is left wondering what is wrong with HIM. I have been in your shoes...divorced and wanting to get on with my life. It's hard, but first and foremost is the kid(s).
You didn't mention how long you have been divorced. Maybe your son hasn't adjusted to his new life yet.
______
Edited to add on to your addition:
Don't feel like crap. Things happen and we ALL make choices that we might want to change later on. If it were me, I would try to make your son's life as seperate from boyfriends life as possible for now. You all can go and have fun at the park ect...but I would try to do everything gradually. The important thing right now is you wanting the best for your son. A friend of mine who is a child therapist told me (while I was going through the whole divorce thing) that children have a way of turning everything into their fault. No matter how silly it is to us, they think the world works around them and they are the cause and effect of everything.
2007-01-26 09:03:53 · answer #2 · answered by zinntwinnies 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with bambam... your toddler is 2 1/2! He doesn't want to share mommy with anyone! It doesn't matter if your son really does like the new bf, YOU are still HIS mommy! Toddlers aren't all that great at sharing anyway at this age, but especially someone as close to him as you are! My hubby moved in (back when we were dating) after about 4 months. My daughter from a previous marriage was 3 at the time, and had never had a man in her life before my current hubby. (I left her dad when she was only 4 months old.) He tried so hard to become her friend first, which she made entire difficult because she wasn't ready for the relationship yet. At first she called him "knucklehead", then, once we got married (7 months into the relationship) it changed to "stepdad", and finally emerged into "daddy". It has been 5 years now, and the two of them couldn't be any closer. They have so many of the same mannerisms, ways of talking, etc. that you'd never know they weren't blood related. It took a lot of time for her to adjust, regardless of how hard my hubby tried to make it work for both of them. It will take time. You toddler has to learn to trust this new person, believe that he will be there, understand that he wants to be part of his life. That is hard for these little guys to understand. Take bambam's advice and have the two of them have some "guy" time- just them. Allow them the time to bond and build trust. Just tell your guy to keep working on it... it will come.
2007-01-26 10:38:50 · answer #3 · answered by dolphin mama 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
After my mom's divorce she got a 2 bedroom apartment for her, my brother and me. She let me and my brother each take a bedroom and her bed was in the living room. It worked just fine. If it's okay to stay with your parents and you can put money into savings doing that, then stay. It's no big deal if you want your own place for whatever reason and get a 1 bedroom with your son though.
2016-05-24 02:55:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, to be honest with you, I would not have introduced your son to the boyfriend so early in the relationship. Thats a huge no-no. Especially moving with him. This may have a huge effect on your son.
Its sounds as though your BF is not ready to be the "father figure" to you son nor willing to bond with him. I would suggest that you move out and live on your own with you son. Right now he "your son" should be your priority.
2007-01-26 09:00:25 · answer #5 · answered by newname_01 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
this is a big change for a 2 year old. The child is not use to it and you should have slowed things down a bit for only been dating for 6 months. It is not the childs fault his world has been turned upside down.
2007-01-26 08:58:47 · answer #6 · answered by kingsgirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You deserve a life. But when you become a Mother, you must put your child first. Your child has good instincts. Pay attention to them. Quite frankly, you have no business living with a "new man". Date-fine. It sounds to me like you have two children now instead of one.
2007-01-26 09:07:12 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It takes time for a child to get used to a new adult in the picture. Make sure you three all get family time together, read to him together at night, eat dinner together, things like that.
2007-01-26 08:57:41 · answer #8 · answered by tabithap 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
are you sure your boyfriend isn't being mean to your son?
2007-01-26 09:59:11 · answer #9 · answered by wrjones559_1999 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋