help!!! step-dad?

Question

well you see im only 12 about 2 be 13 in feb the5 ......and me and my step-dad don'y get along at all and were always fighting .........and when ever we fight ..i just go to ma room and slam the damn door on his face and then i just turn ma radio on really really loud and then i start 2 cry.... but 1day we really got into a fight he yelled at me right in ma face and i just yelled right bac up in his and then i started 2 get really really mad and what i did is said tht I DON'T WANT 2 LIVE HERE ANYMORE ............and then he just said GO 2 your room and i said no he said NOW and i said u kno what DAVE i don't kare what you do 2 me but ur not my father so just leave me the HELL... alone u can not tell me what i can and can not do only my mom or ma reall father can......and then it just quite ....then my mom just took me 2 my room not in a bad way or anything she had just never seen me soo mad and soo me and dave haven't talked in 1month already soo what can i do.........please help.me

Answer 1

Talk to him and tell him your sorry.
What you said cut into him like nothing else could.
I was there and it happened to me and I hurt for a very long time after that.
Just talk to him

Answer 2

"ur not my father" Those words are uttered by every stepchild on this earth. Pretty much what you are saying is that he means nothing to you. He is non-existent. And that you are jealous because he is with your mom - whom you believe should be alone or with your biological dad. All this until you need something from him, then he comes into play just for a moment to satisfy your need - then poof! out he goes.

I don't know the whole story, but it seems that you two differ in agreement on things and because he is older and more experienced, you know he is right and that is what makes you mad. You refuse to accept that he is right and therefore retaliate as you know best by fighting him.

The key is to learn to live in harmony. Find the things you like about him and think of them when you disagree. If he told you something you disagree with, ask him to explain why. Maybe then you can learn the reasons for what he is saying. Show him how you have matured now that you are 13 by being nicer to him and not talking back. Show him you are now a reasonable person that is trying to learn and needs his help.

Find something you two have in common and then use that to grow closer together. No good luck wishes here, because it doesn't take luck to make things work out. You have to want it and then act accordingly.

Answer 3

I think the bigger questions is what do YOU want to do? If you are wanting to repair the relationship with your Step Dad, perhaps starting with a letter to him with an apology and hope to find a resolution to your disagreements might be a start. Or if you have further concern about living there or how to deal with him, you might talk with your mother. Understand that your mother has chosen to have him apart of your lives, so you can't ask her to change her mind but maybe you could ask her to help you both acclimate better. Remember it can't be easy for him being in your Fathers role/shoes. He can't help that....

If you are looking for peace, you might try doing some nice things for him, taking out trash if he does it, or little things like buying something like candy he likes or making cookies. Sometimes reaching out takes time, til you can get to the point where you can say - I was a jerk I'm sorry.

Answer 4

Hey,
Family life can be tough but your growing up and will be on you own in only a handful of years. Make these last few years better for yourself. Suggest to your mom that you would like to go to family therapy. It doesnt sound fun...i know. But therapy isnt just for the crazies. It will be a great chance for you to tell them how you feel while Dave is forced to hear your side. Your a teenager now so help them to see that your growing uo and can handle talking to them like an adult. You can do it. Good Luck.

Answer 5

I was in the same situation, ildQueen1.

Tell your mother that you don't want to live with Dave anymore and that you want to live with your father.

Tell Dave that you don't want him involved with the decisions that your mother and father make for you and that it's none of Dave's business how you are raised.

Step-parents should never be involved in the raising of children. It only causes so much resentment.

If Dave adopted you, tell your mother and Dave that you want Dave to unadopt you. You have no desire for him to raise you.

Sweetheart, you have to tell Dave and your mother this without any yelling. You have to show the both of them that you are serious and mean business in a CALM voice.

If they refuse, you can tell them that you have every right to divorce them.

I went through the same thing, Sweetie.

If you don't believe me, find out through a lawyer. You are allowed to divorce your parents. However, I see in this case that you only want to divorce Dave, am I right?

You shouldn't suffer in your childhood because of a man that isn't related to you. You didn't ask your mother to bring Dave into your life, your mother brought him in. How did you know he was going to be this way with you? You didn't.

Follow my advice, if you're really serious. You do have leverage and you can do something about this. Tell all your teachers about this at school and your principal. You have rights.

Good luck...

Answer 6

hey hun i just turned 14 and im a real daddys gurl right well he got a new gf last yr and i always got in fights with her but the thing is its just cause you have someone new in your life that you have to get used to things will get better the best thing to do is to sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel its just a metter of getting used to him.just telll him u accept him as ur step dad but he can never replace ur real dad and that sometimes when you get mad its just best to let you cool down then you guys can talk about it later and sometimes you say things you dont mean even though you think you hate him u have to think of your mom too right?
shes happy and shes just trying to do whats best for you and plus nobody can be alone forever just give him a chance and you'll see hes not really all that bad and anothing is that if you compare all the good benifits about ur mom and step dad you'll feel better all im saying is give him a chance and you wont regret it

Answer 7

It's normal to have friction between teenagers and parents, and between stepkids and their stepparents, so you have a double whammy here.
When he married your mom, he probably also applied for legal custody of you, so he has just as much right to tell you what to do as your mom does. If he has spent years taking care of you, sharing time with you, looking after you, then that makes him just as much of a "real" dad as your biological father.
But not all people make good parents, so he probably doesn't how to talk to you or understand you properly either, so that's why you keep getting in fights.
Ask you mom if you can all go to family counseling together, to try and make things better and help everyone get along. Your mom will probably be very happy that you are making an effort to get along with him. Don't be afraid to talk things out, and someday things will get easier, I promise.

Answer 8

Honey, you're 12 years old, a mere child. While he is not your daddy, he is puttin a roof over your head, food in yer belly and clothes for your sorry ***.
Acting like a 5 year old will not help, why is it you despise what he's doing for you? Is he good to your mom, cause after all, in 6 short years, he'll probably put ya to the curb.
Perhaps your problem is really with your biological dad, since he is not around. I am sorry if he has passed away, but if he walked out on you and Mom, you should be glad.
Get some counseling, find your inner anger and deal with it. And quit spelling "my" as "ma". Makes you look im-mature.

Answer 9

Your parents are never going to get back together. Don't take it out on Dave, he's trying his best to have to deal with you. He made a big step marrying your mother knowing that he's had to take care and support financially another person besides his wife.

I have to commend your step-dad for marrying your mom and having you live with him.

As for the fighting, that's not normal especially how disrespectful both of you are being to each other. It's just not him, you shouldn't be talking back to the person your mom saw as a proper man to marry to raise her family with. She must have seen something good in him.

Talk to your mom, and let her know what's bothering you. I'm sure living in a home that's just not feeling like home must be stressful and hard. Tell your mom what you need from her, and what you need from your step-dad. You've only got your mom to talk to, if you feel you need to, talk to your dad and have your parents talk together to solve the problem. Maybe you should go live with your dad instead.

Make sure you talk, don't yell when you want something. Your mom is your best friend, talk to her like you would talk to your best friend at school. When you yell, people just automatically get fed up and tune you out and don't listen. You want people to listen to you? Then TALK.

Answer 10

Just because he's your step-dad doesn't mean you have the right to treat him with any less respect than your natural father. You didn't say what you fight about so it's hard to respond to this. As time goes by things will get back to normal. Do try to realize that he is a human with feelings and he agreed to take on the responsibility of helping to raise a child that wasn't born to him, he should get some credit for that - not flack.

Answer 11

I don't know if you guys are fighting b/c you just don't like him or what. When my mom got remarried my sister and I wouldn't even talk to the guy. We would fight with him all the time. You know what happened? We grew up and now he's like my best friend. You need to act like an adult and talk your problems out with him for the sake of your mom. You need to find something that you both can agree on in order to help your relationship. Remember that every time you are fighting with him you are hurting your mom so bad. Just cause you haven't talked to him for a while doesn't mean that you can't talk to him now. I promise it will be worth it.