Should i forgive him?

Question

I broke up with my bf after 2+ years. I found out he cheated on me a year ago, he said he made a mistake according to him we where having problems, that i wasn't aware of, and that he still loves me. don't know what to do

Answer 1

The fact that it was a year ago can lead you down two very different paths. Both which you are going to have to think long and hard about before you come to a concrete decision.

Path 1:
It was a year ago, and yet you just found out. This means that he has been able to successfully hide it from you, and essentially, that means he has been lying to you the entire time. Now.. You have to ask yourself, can you bring yourself to trust him again knowing what he has been able to lie about?

Path 2:
It was a year ago, and he probably hopes you can forgive him for a past mistake. If you choose this path, you have to remember that he needs a second chance. Maybe he's a good guy, and he probably means what he says when he says he loves you.

It isn't true that cheaters are always cheaters. Mistakes happen. Big mistakes. But don't try to forget. You need to move on, down one path or the other.

Answer 2

You did the right thing the first time. You should always trust your own good judgment. Whatever first comes to mind is usually the best plan of action.

If he truly loved you at all at that point, he could never have cheated, or gotten into a position where it was possible for him to.

He may still think he loves you now, but what will happen the next time he puts himself into a situation like that again? Do you trust him enough to take him back? Would you believe him if he told you he was sorry?

The answers to those questions come from you, and will illuminate to you the best course of action to take again. My own opinion, as well as those of others posted here make no difference in your own decision, keep in mind that they are only opinions, not a command for which direction to take.

Because you broke up with him, you are the one in control, it is your life to do with what you please.

Personally, I was in a bad relationship for ten years, a marriage to be precise, and afterward I swore I'd only give another man five years of my life before leaving if he wasn't the right one for me, if he didn't make me feel as though I was growing as a person, if he didn't seem to fit as the other half of my whole.
Now I'm with that man, it's been two years....
what is next? I have no idea, what I do know? He is good to me, he's not the kind of man who would ever cheat, his integrity is far beyond that of anyone I've ever met, he's good to my son and much more. If he did cheat on me, you can bet that as much as I love and adore him, and think he's the best thing that has happened to me, that I would leave him forever. Some things (in my opinion) are unforgivable. Mine are cheating and beating.

As for you? I hope I've illustrated a point here... it's up to you. You know your ex better than anyone, probably even more so than his parents or siblings. You've been intimate with him and can probably remember every detail of what he looks like when you close your eyes. If you feel that what he is telling you is true, and you're willing to take another chance, go for it! It could end up being the best thing that happened to you in the long run... who knows.... but keep in mind, life is rather long when you think about it. Everyone says life is short, but if you are trying to take on too much responsibility, and stressing yourself out, putting deadlines on yourself and such, it will all seem to fly by, making that statement truth.
If you relax, take one day at a time, live the way you choose, and do everything you set out to do, so you have no regrets when you leave this world, you'll live a long and fulfilling life... which brings me to my last point.
What is five years really in the grand scheme of things? Or two, or however long you set a limit at? You are always the one with the capability to call it quits whenever you want.

Good luck in your decision and may you or you and your ex have a wonderful life!

Answer 3

You should always forgive. That's the modest thing to do. Whether you should take him back...that's another area that really depends on you.

If you want him, then take him back but taking him back means that you've forgiven him. When someone forgives, part of forgiving is forgetting what the other person did wrong.

So, if you're still thinking about what he did and can't get passed his cheating, then it's a relationship that's not going to go anywhere. Better to end it once and for all than going back and breaking both your hearts again.

Answer 4

NO WAY!!! Don't do it. That is something that I would never put up with and neither should you. The only problems that you guys were having, were his own. He didn't come to you and talk to you about them and instead went behind your back with someone else. What does this say to you? So what if he told you (a year later!). If he truly loved you, he never would have cheated. Dump his *** and hope that this teaches him a valuable lesson for the next girl he dates. Be strong and know that you deserve someone who treats you like a queen!

Answer 5

this is a tough question. If you know for a fact that he would never cheat on u again then maybe you should get back with him. sometimes people dont know what they have until they lose it. but the thing that sucks is you are never gonan be able to trust him again. no matter how much you THINK you will trust him....you wont. You will always have that doubt. Its hard to live like that and you will get depressed. So you might be better off starting fresh with someone new WHEN you are ready. Dont rush things tho.

Answer 6

well if u think that he is askin for forgivness from true heart n the reason dat he cheated on u is bearable n infact as u say problems so if they were really a mistake or anythin then forgive him.........atleats u know he has come bak to u

but if u feel he is faking n that he cheated for fun then its better u dnt take it easily.......

but watever u do plzzzzzz find out the full truth.........coz half truth is as bad as a lie.......n even much worst

Answer 7

I can understand being mad about the cheating, but it's kind of hard to punish him now for something that he did a year ago. If you're having problems try to talk things out.

Answer 8

i know that feeling,

like you dont really care that the guy cheated on you, and dont care that people say you deserve better because in the end you end up forgiving him?

well if that's the case, i say you DO deserve more and its your own mistake you need to learn or already learned

i hope you make a good choice =)
good luck

Answer 9

if he thought you guys were having problems and you didn't, then obviously, something is wrong. forgive him, but there's no need for you to go back to him. you can find someone way better! everyone deserves someone GREAT in their life... and if he cheated on you, then he's not the one!

Answer 10

I am the one that always tries to forgive so I would not make it easy on him, but I would probably give him a 2nd chance under the circumstances and see how it goes. If it happens again, then it is time to call it quits...