my g/f and i have been dating for about 4 and a half yrs, she's 29, im 22 and a half. About 2 weeks ago she informed me that she was preg and will be keeping the baby. she was on the pill the whole time we were dating (allegedly) so i never used a condom or any other type of birth control. i have a few reasons why i think she got preg on purpose the main one being that i ran into a friend of hers yesterday who congratulated me and said she was happy for us b/c "she knew how much my g/f wanted a baby" which was news to me! i just graduated from college and have a good job now and my g/f has been out of college for 7 yrs so financially this isnt a problem, i just am in no way ready to be a dad b/c of the huge change that bringing a child into the world will have on someone's life. just a few month ago she and i were talking about how neither one of us is ready for marriage yet so that isnt an option. on top of this, my mom is gonna kill me! any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanx.
2007-01-26 08:19:50 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Many women want babies, that doesn't mean that she did it on purpose. Also, I got pregnant on the pill and my doctor said that for some people it just isn't enough. Also the new low-dose hormone birth control pills aren't as effective as the ones previously used. (Read an article about that yesterday.) You've been with her for a long time, what do you really think?
Regardless of whether she was taking the pill or not, you could have put a condom on. You participated in the making of this baby just as much as she did. Therefor, at this point in time it's kind of irrelevant whether she did it on purpose, the point is now she's pregnant... what are your options?
I know it's really scary right now. Your life will change and it is a huge responsibility, but there's a lot of positives too. Children are great. They're challenging and tiring, but nothing beats a little one worshiping the ground you walk on. It's true unconditional love.
That's just my two cents anyway.
PS
You're a grown man, don't worry so much about your mom. Chances are being a Grandma will totally make up for her disappointment.
2007-01-26 08:36:26 · answer #1 · answered by tonetones03 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all you should have used extra precautions. Did you really expect her to wait until she was 40 to have kids? Also I don't think "SHE" did it on purpose. You both did it by not using a condom or something else. There is nothing you can really do other that take on the responsibility and get used to being called Daddy! If you are really worried about your mom then it sounds like you might have some issues there too. You are out of college, have a job, have a steady g/f (for a while it looks like), and you are worried about what your mom thinks?! I am 22 and due in 4 weeks with my first child, my husband is 27 and my mom didn't kill me, she is actually very excited. You might be surprised on how your mom reacts. Also, your g/f wants a baby, and she should have never had to explain to you that she will be keeping it. That should be something someone assumes to begin with. She is old enough to have this baby with or without you. So if you are not ready then you shouldn't make her feel like she is not ready. I think if you can make a baby, be a man and own up to the responsiblity!
2007-01-26 08:38:58 · answer #2 · answered by MyOpinionMatters 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honestly the pill is not 100% effective there is still a small chance that you can get pregnant while on the pill. I have had family members that it happened too. You may not be ready for fatherhood but not to burst your bubble you’re going to be a father, your girlfriend has already stated she is keeping the baby. Which means you’ll just have deal with it, be happy that you’re at least old enough that this wouldn’t be as much of a finical burden. After 4 years of a relationship you must love your girlfriend so be happy you didnt knock someone up on a one night stand.
You could come out and ask her but what is that going to do? Absolutely nothing - the bun is in the oven.
2007-01-26 09:13:51 · answer #3 · answered by Spread Peace and Love 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have used condoms, but with that said you could come out and be honest and ask her. Maybe she really was taking the pill and it just happened. I mean theres not a easy way to do this. If you ask her then it may cause relationship problems as far as trust is concerned.
Its like accusing someone of cheating when they are not, then they go out and cheat because you already think they are! Silly I know! Good luck.
And about your mom, dude you got to be honest.
2007-01-26 08:34:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
OMG! I'm so sorry you're in this fix. Word to the wise for next time, if there is one, always, ALWAYS keep your boys safe. Even if she says she's on the pill, if you don't want to be a daddy, do your part.
Now that you're in the soup, you have some issues to consider. She's going to keep the baby, so you're going to be a daddy. You're going to have to think about what that means to you. You might have to make a list, talk to friends, but figure it out because it's going to have a huge impact on the baby, and that little whoever-it-is has now become the most important person in the whole universe and will be till the day you die.
Yes, I can imagine your mom is going to kill you. So you're going to have to get yourself organized. The first thing you're going to have to figure out is why she's going to kill you. You have some big questions to consider: Marriage, Child Support, Visitation, College Funds, Tax Deductions...you're going to want to have answers to these questions if you don't want your mom to beat you to death with her purse.
Whether your GF trapped you into this or not is something you're going to have to take up with her in an honest and direct conversation I bet neither one of you is looking forward to. You'll want to have that conversation and resolve it before you talk to your mom. Don't make any accusations; just ask for information: now that she's pregnant, what does she expect from you, what does your ongoing relationship look like, what is she looking for. Be diplomatic, but be direct: you know what you want out of fatherhood, so you're going to have to be honest with her about that, too. And stand your ground. Establish your boundaries and stick to them.
But the main thing to keep in mind is the child. Now that you know there is one, that's your main focus. You want this child to have as good a life as possible, and you'll want to be an influence on its life. Remember that that's your priority.
I wish you the best.
2007-01-26 08:42:42 · answer #5 · answered by KD 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should try talking to her.. i know it seems a selfish thing to do when it is supose to be a special moment for the both of you..well i dont think anyones ever ready.. when i was pregnant i was scared cause i didnt think i was ready but things turned out fine... i wouldnt try to get her to get a abortion its just wrong... the question is do you want the child cause either way the child is gonna be born even if your not ready.. i dont think your mom will be mad just be happy you want your child to know he or she will be loved not thinking about it. but any ways talk to her about the pregnancy you still can get pregnant on the pill even the shot my friend was getting the shot and she some how got pregnant ...maybe it was ment to be after all
2007-01-26 08:49:07 · answer #6 · answered by bumblebee_butternuts 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2007-01-26 10:20:56 · answer #7 · answered by Garnet A 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It really does not matter if she wanted to get prego or not......you made the choice to not wear a condom....you know have to deal with it......and let me tell you.....you may not think you are ready...but When you see you kid for the first time all that will go away.....and I would talk about marriage again....a kid really changes things....I would not bring up your question at all.....whether it was on purpose or not, you are the dad, it don't matter how it happened......you are still the dad......don't waste time wondering why or how, its done....consistrate on being the best dad you can.
2007-01-26 08:35:43 · answer #8 · answered by yetti 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
WOW! my mom was on birth control when she had me. so there are chances. the best thing is to be honest with her. tell her how you feel. ask her straight up if that was her intentions. its better to have an open relationship. and if she does keep the baby, what are your intentions? good luck!
2007-01-26 09:48:34 · answer #9 · answered by tc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you knew the risk of what could have happend when having sex, on birth control or not. If she really did try and get pregnant on purpose I dont think she will ever admit to it. You are both equally resposable when it comes to her being pregnant.
2007-01-26 08:30:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋