Would he be a good canidate for a stepfather?

Question

I have been dating this guy for almost a year now and I love him to death, but he is very sarcastic in nature, especially when it comes to my three yr old daughter. He tells me he loves her and would do anything for her, but he comes across as almost hateful towards her. He's one of those guys that can't say anything nice to anyone, but he says he is only joking. He says that's just the way he is, even with his own two girls.
He even criticizes me in the way I raise her and discipline her. I know I am a very good mother, and we share a very close bond and relationship with each other. He thinks that just because he spends a couple of hours a month with his girls, he knows everything about being a father. But it's weird, the only time my daughter acts up, is when he comes home. Am I just wasting my time with him, or should I just except the way he is. My daughter even tells me she loves him.

Answer 1

Well I may be an old fool but I don't know many 3 year olds who can identify sarcasm from reality. Many people are part time parents and very good at it also, but there again I do not know any parents whether full time or part time who can claim to be experts at parenting. It is one of the toughest jobs any of us will ever have in our lives and the most important one also. I would suggest that you and your fiance have a good talk in an open minded and honest manner. At this talk you need to relate how his sarcasm is affecting you and let him know of all your feelings. If necessary you two may even want to consider taking some form of pre-marriage counseling or couples relationship counseling. He hasn't the right to dictate or judge your parenting skills. Certainly he can give his opinion when asked on situations but this little girl is yours and you are the one that has raised her to date and will continue to do so. It is wonderful that she respects and loves this man also but in order to put an end to his behaviour (so it doesn't grow any bigger) I would highly suggest communicating your feelings.

Answer 2

Frankly if he is critizising the way you raise and discipline YOUR daughter then he is NOT a good candidate for a stepfather. He has no business telling you how to raise your child. (Why he is living there in the first place is a whole other story I'm sure since he should have his OWN place) If it were me and I had a 3 year old daughter there would be no man living with me unless there was a marriage license involved. But that is just me. Your daughter tells you she loves him because she thinks that is what you want to hear because as you say YOU love him and even 3 year olds want their mommies to be happy. Take a clue from her acting up when he "comes home . Something is not right there and I wouldn't be marrying him if I was questioning his ability to father my child.

Answer 3

Why would you want to be with someone who "comes across as almost hateful," is sarcastic to your daughter, can't say anything nice to anyone and criticizes you? You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery. If you want to do that to yourself, that's one thing, but you need to protect your daughter and you are not taking that responsibility seriously when you subject her to this man. You're the adult, take responsibility and find someone worth both you and your daughter's time and love.

Answer 4

Oh boy! Listen here please. Just because a person has their own children from a previous relationship does NOT make them a reliable and effective parent! Sarcasm should really only be used in certain circumstances, and in the presence of your daughter, not at all!!!!!!! If you take a minute and read what you wrote about your daughter acting up only when he's around, you'll realize he's not a good influence on her at all!! And for him to criticize you of how you raise your child is a little hard for me to swallow without thinking dark and devious thoughts about his attitude and what to do about it!

Answer 5

It won't be any good for your three year old daughter, at that age they understand alot that is said and the way people act in front of them. Whats more important? Talk to him and see if he will alter when your daughter is about.

Answer 6

If she is acting up that's your sign that there definitely will be conflict. I don't think he sounds like a good parent if he only sees his own daughters couple hours a month. Find someone else.

Answer 7

Sounds like he has a personality disorder, like that show "everybody loves ramond" rays dad frank. Was always kind of a dick but he joked about it so it was ok.

Honestly I cant stand those kind of people, I dont know how you can, but if you can and you dont think your daughter will be upset by it then go for it, if not then dont.

Answer 8

There is ALWAYS some truth in joking. one year is NOT enough time to know if he will be a good husband/father. It appears that you all are living together already..."when he comes home". Be careful who you introduce to your child and who moves in. You don't know what they are capable of, and you don't want her knowing several of your boyfriends. It isn't a good example, especially when she is a pre-teen.

Answer 9

i do not think he would be a good stepfather!!!! if he says things like mean to her and stuff!!! if he says like mean things to her and says he is joking but he does all the time than he is not good to be a stepfather see iam 13 yrs old and i do not like fathers like that i have been throw four dads all ready and this last one he is so cool i like him as a father!!!! =]

Answer 10

your daugther is lying he hates your kids he actually only wants to be with you and has to pretend to not hate your daugter so youll keep him. Dont ever dye for someone you love you never know how they will pay you back( this is sarcastic ok)