at what age do you tell a child that they are adopted?

Question

my son was 5 weeks old when i got married and i adopted him about about a year later i am the only father that he has ever known. me and his mother are now divorced but he is my son and i love him. im just afraid that when i tell him that it is going to cause problems between us. he is now 10 years old and i hope that i haven't waited to late.

Answer 1

When he tells you that he hates you

Answer 2

Maybe you, your son and your ex can all go to a family therapist. You and ex first, to give the background info. When the therapists thinks you are ready, tell your son, privately would best. After he knows include him in your sessions, and maybe some alone, so he has help dealing with this. You seem like a loving daddy so I 'm going to assume you have a well adjusted child, and if thats the case all should be fine. You have given this young man a great gift in life. A male role model who loves and supports him. Many children don't have a biological father who sticks around after divorce. You are his 'real' daddy. Do be prepared for the day he wants to find his sperm donor. It won't mean he loves you less. It is only natural to want to know where we come from.

Answer 3

make sure he can handle it some 10 year olds are more capable. Some are not. If you plan to always be his father dont tell him untill he is older. At his age shcool and your divorce to way hard on a kid, dont make it worse. If you have a will (what things go where and to who) leave a note with it for him telling him the stuff you know about his parents and the reason you did not tell him and how much you love him and stuff. Be ready your self if your alive and do it casue he might go look for his biolocial parents and stuff. it can be hard but as long as you raised him right things will go ok in the end.

Answer 4

You're not too late - but you should talk to a psychologist beforehand. He or she can tell you the right way to go after this.
Don't expect your son's reaction to be mild - I can't imagine what my 11-year-old brother would feel if he was told that he was adopted. Thinking about it, it almost makes me feel like telling you not to tell your son at all. But then, the truth may come out sooner or later, whether you tell him or someone else does. It's easier to get it out now, and as long as you're sensitive and understanding, he'll forgive you with time.

Answer 5

first of all, how cool are you to not only go out with, but marry, a lady with a child, and then to adopt him? thats great!
its never too late to tell the truth, but i think its something you and his mom should do together. just put it in the simplest terms and be ready to honestly answer questions about his bio dad.
make sure he understands that he was a good part of the attraction when you began dating his mom. make him feel like he was never a negative concern, and right from the start you thought he was the best!
i'm so impressed with you.......many men run like deer when they find out a child is in the picture.
good luck!

Answer 6

This has to be decided when it is best for the child, that may be now but it may not be. You and his Mom know him best and will know when he is ready. Please do not make the need to tell him because of the divorce. He needs to have the capacity to understand fully what has transpired. There are many books out there that you can read, as well as books for him to help him understand. The end result is you are his father and you are committed to be his father. All the best to you, it is nice to hear about a parent that is committed to a child regardless of biological issues.

Answer 7

Some kids can take things. Not all!! Now is the right time. Would you love to be told that you were adopted when you already have growed up? Think about him. It may even effect him later on in life. Tell him NOW!!

Answer 8

I think that you should tell him when you are ready. He is 10 so he should be old enough to understand. One major thing you need to make sure he knows is that you and his mother love him very much and felt like it was time to let him know. If at all possible let the mother be there to reassure him that everything is fine. Not that you cant reassure him it would just be easier with both of you there. Hope this helps.
Good Luck

Answer 9

I work with children and I beleive u have waited to long.The reason is if u told him when he was young and really didn't understand..He would of excepted it because thats all he knew.But now he is 10 and assumes your are his real father.The sooner u tell him the better it will be.Good luck He loves u like a dad he will not think to cause problems between u two.That only happens when a child has a parent to her or himself and then has to share them. I miss understood what u said about problems between us.You will have some problems between u to but it will be because u didn't tell him sooner. It will not affect his love towards u.

Answer 10

no, i think that he is the right age to tell him that you are not his biological father. i was told that i was adopt when i was 14, which seems like forever ago, but depending on the child you may need to wait till he is a few years old.

Answer 11

My dear now isn't the time,wait until his a little older, and then sit with him and gradually tell him what you want him to know.When you do tell him,be honest to him and just let your heart speak for you,he'll understand more than you think.I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.God Bless You.