he moved out when he was just 16. He had been in trouble with the law and quit school, so his stepfather and I told him to either go back to school and start following rules or get out. He chose the later. He moved in with his girlfriend's family for a while, got kicked out, moved in with his Grandma, got kicked out. Now he and his girlfriend are expecting a baby, she's 15, he still refuses to go back to school and is just crashing at friends houses.
What can I do to get him to start taking some responsibility for himself and now his child? I've let them know I will always be there for the baby but I'm not willing to let him move back home. He has been violent in the past with me and his younger brothers, brought drugs into our home etc. He went to a counsellor for both these problems but nothing seemed to help.
I have this horrible guilt but don't know what to do about it. Any advice?
2007-01-26 07:14:43 · 9 answers · asked by puckbunny 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
It's a tough call to make. I was in a similar rut at one point as a teenager and I gave my parents all kinds of headache/heartache. Eventually, though, I grew out of it. Actually, it was a girl that I fell in love with who changed my ways. I've been a better man ever since, and now I'm married to her, but the point I'm making is that he'll have to grow out of this stage.
If you have a stable household and he's the only dark cloud in the house, it's safe to probably bet that it's just the friends he's taken or that he's in a phase. You won't be able to cut him off from his friends without causing more problems though and if you take legal action he may not forgive and forget. He's still very young and has a lot of time to mature, so hopefully this will happen soon. It's hard to sit back and wait, but time is all that can heal sometimes.
As far as the baby goes, that's the wrench that's tossed into this thing. I'm pro-choice so I'd back up the mother's decision, however, I'd also push her in the direction of adoption. At 15, she's giving her entire life up and will stuggle for the next 5-10 years just to get her life on track and through school. I'm not saying she won't finish school,.. she can and will if she's makes the effort. Although your son may be in the child's life, hopefully, he and the mother more than likely will not last being so young. Once the world hits them both in the face, things will change.
You know, this baby may just be the blessing you're looking for to help save your son. Seeing yourself in a child is a miracle, and I could never imagine continuing on his course after seeing my child for the first time.
So, I guess, time will provide the answer for you.
2007-01-26 08:08:06 · answer #1 · answered by Justin W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in much the same situation but my son doesn't have a kid on the way. I think he sales drugs for what money he gits and he has a car but no license or insurance. Look out for the grand child but as for the son it is apparent he is not ready to hear what you have to say. It will take some tough love but let him learn the hard way. I was like our sons growing up. I thought that I was some how different and what parents said to me was total BS. It's been about 15 years since I decided I did not have all the answers and now I am doing great but I had to have the hard times in order to get motivated to take any action.
2007-01-26 08:03:53 · answer #2 · answered by joevette 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have to find out what type of drugs he is using, some are highly addictive (crystal meth, crack cocaine, etc.) and he may need to go to a rehab. Also, is his girlfriend a drug user and is she taking drugs while pregnant? If so, her physician should be made aware of it. One of my relatives gone through a similar experience so I know it's not going to be easy. Sadly, both the young parents are still on drugs; the mother had to give up custody due to her continual drug abuse. There really is no easy and sure answer to your question, try to find as much information and support. Also, try to understand the reasons/experiences that led your son to drugs. You need to understand him and try to find a better and more open communication. God bless.
2007-01-26 07:53:57 · answer #3 · answered by DonPiano 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to get custody of the baby. Either that of have his girlfriend's parents do it. Some people just never grow up.
2007-01-26 07:28:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
you have the rest of your family to think of. you have had to be there for them.
we as parents can only guide our children which path to take and at the end of the day they then must make their own choice of which path they will they will follow.
we must all make our own mistakes and learn by them, when we were children we learnt by our mistakes, and thinking back do we not all still make mistakes, this is was life is all abot.
let him know you love him and all ways will.
he must learn by his own mistakes you have done all that you can.
2007-01-26 10:01:48 · answer #5 · answered by tracey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once you ignore about her, it makes her go with to allure to your interest even more desirable. it is only how lady are, after we like a guy, we go with his interest, even more desirable so even as he would not provide it. So what makes a woman bypass loopy for a guy? once you provide her interest. it ought to sound fairly ineffective, yet ladies like feeling particular. wish that responded your question :)
2016-10-16 03:41:18 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't do anything about him if he doesn't want to do it, but maybe if you could talk to his girlfriend and make her see what he needs to do, she could talk to him and try to convince him to at least get a job.
2007-01-26 07:55:04 · answer #7 · answered by golden rider 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
pray he will grow up or take legal action he is still a minor
2007-01-26 07:23:54 · answer #8 · answered by vanessa g 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
punvh lol
2007-01-26 07:20:26 · answer #9 · answered by x1gemma1x 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋