I think my boyfriend has Borderline Personality Disorder?

Question

I know only a trained professional can diagnos him but I'm going to explain what I'm going through anyway.

My boyfriend is a good guy, he has helped me through so much... and he always seemed like the perfect guy for me. He has been in 2 other serious relationships that ended up the same. The girl walking out of him because he is hard to handle.

I cant blame them I guess... hes a handful and its starting to take effect on me, to where I feel like Im going to breakdwon, but cant because he cosntantly needs someone to cater to his needs.

Alot of things I say get twisted, Im always wrong, and if I prove him otherwise, he gets angrier. I hold back feelings to avoid fights. He takes out alot of anger from other things on me because I am the closest person to him. He goes from loving me to death to not wanting me around, and when I go to leave after he tells me to "get out of his house" he says "if you loved me youd stay" and when i stay he pushes me away again...

Its alot to handle but I do love him and sometiems he goes back to the guy I fell in love with and my life is PERFECT.

i dont wanna walk out on him because i know hes goin thro tons of emotions he dosnt understand, but its starting to effect me and i start to feel helpless and depressed

id do anything ot live happily ever after with this guy... what should i do?

i know hes a good guy... but i dont wanna live like this forever

Answer 1

Your description sounds like BPD to me. I would like to recommend that you read "Stop Walking on Eggshells". It has practical advice and information aimed at people who are in relationships with BPD's.

I found that I got some control of my life back after I read that book. I choose to stay in my marriage with a BPD woman, but having the right information helps me from getting sucked into the BPD's "reality"

Most people turn and run, and maybe you will decide to do that, too. I commend you for trying to learn more about what this disorder is about. One of the features of BPD is that the person with the disorder can't see or believe that they have it. I find that seeing a therapist myself helps me put things in perspective.

Answer 2

Okay, I was diagnosed with BPD in 2002 after I had a total Thyroidectomy due to Thyroid Cancer. I will tell you first off that it sounds to me that he does in fact have one symptom of it but there are plenty more than just that. I will give you some other symptoms that are common and you can see if they match him. But for your own good if you can't handle it talk to him about it tell him that you think that he needs to get some help or you will leave and you are telling him this for both of you not just him. If he loves you he will get the help. I wrecked my car into a telephone pole reversed it and did it again before I knew what was really wrong with me. Thank God I have such a great husband. He has been there with me through thick and thin. And yes he wanted to leave even did I even pushed him away too. I finally got fed up and got help. Now I try my hardest to stop the feelings befor they come. It never gets better trust me I am on 3 different medications and I still have problems. I just take it one day at a time. Good Luck . intense bouts of anger, depression and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day. These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values

Answer 3

You have answered your own question... He may be a good guy but if you stay he will continue to act that way.

Your "friend" needs to go through some adapting to life and adapting to growing up. He sounds as if he is immature. And a lot of men are immature and continue to be that way well into a relationship, so he is not that abnormal. Unless you wish things to remain the same for years, leave him and find someone already farther along in the maturing process.

The pattern you describe will take an immediate turn for the worst when he believes you are there for the long haul.

Answer 4

If you really want to put yourself through this, suggest he go talk to a therapist. Tell him you will not stay in the relationship if he doesn't get help. It doesnt sound normal and my ex boyfriend did the same thing to me and I thought he was playing mind games. My ex ended up leaving me for someone else, I feel he was very confused and had some serious issues. In a way I am happy I dont have to deal with him anymore, although I do miss the good things about him. I told him how I felt about him and what he did to me, yet he has to figure out for himself. Too bad for him, he lost a great girl in his life and maybe your bf will realize that. ASk yourself this...can you live like this for the rest of your life?? You will have your answer. God belss and I wish you the best.

Answer 5

Wow. You are NEVER going to live happily ever after with him. That doesn't happen in any relationship. You are trying to get ALL of your happiness from a guy. YOU have to quit that. If you aren't happy to begin with, no one can ever make you happy.

If it were me, I would suggest he get help. If that is out of the question with him, then you have to leave the relationship. Period. You cannot care for him. You are basing your "perfect" life on him and his good behavior. You can't do that. You can't spend your life letting him treat you badly hoping he will go back to Mr. Nice Guy soon. It doesn't last and I bet his bad guy is around more often than the good guy.....? You can't fix him and even though he has mental problems, he still has to take responsibility for it and get help. If he refuses, you have to go. It's not the end of the world. Believe me, when you find the right guy, you will realize how painful this relationship with him has been.

Answer 6

Wow sounds like we are dating the same guy! However mine is just lately been so crabby. Unfortunately it is hard to address a problem with someone if they are unwilling to realize it. Have you ever mentioned to him (not condesendingly) if there is something on his mind that maybe he should speak to a therapist! I know of course he may take that irrationally but perhaps if you say it like this! " JOHN DOE, you seem to be under a lot of stress and I have done everything in my power to have your back, it seems difficult and perhaps you need to speake to someone that has no conflict of interest, perhaps there is something that you need to get off your chest that you are not yet ready to share with me" He may take it better that way. Persons with unstable mood swings, such as myself don't deal well with being told that we need help, it would only aggrevate him more, even though we know we need it! My boyfriend I think needs help but he is willing to point the finger at me. I would stay stick by him don't press the issue cause you will just piss him off like mine does...but hint to him. Remind him that you love him unconditionally and will do what ever it takes to get him through this.

Good luck...

P.S> I have GAD (General Anxiety and Personality Disorder) I take prozac (when I want) which isn't the smartest thing....but I understand both sides of the fence.

Answer 7

Although the dx of BPD is frequently abused, and often given to any mental health client who seems "difficult" , none the less it is a real condition that people *do* have.

"Predictably unprerdictable" is one way such folks are discribed. Suseptable to "black and white thinking",where everything has to be all black...or all white....with little tollerance for ambiguity is another charactoristic.

One good book on BPD is titled : "I hate you, don't leave me".....a saying which pretty much sums up the intense abandonment fears that may people with BPD struggle with.

And of course "tumultious relationships" is yet another signpost.

The person's ability to seem charming and simply wonderful to all around them, while being a totally different person at home is yet another thing that people often discribe, to the point where friends simply refuse to believe that this person can be as you discribe them.

The bummer here is that should he truly have BPD, such people have a *really* hard time changing their ways, and as a result you are likely to see very few changes in the ways he relates to you. So most people with experience in this are would advise you to not wait around for him to become any different than he already is.

Such folks do deserve sympathy, in that this way of being is not exactly fun for them eather. But without a huge comittment to therapy, it's unlikely they will be able to change their ways on their own.

Bob J.

Answer 8

I don't know about borderline personality disorder. He sounds like a jerk. to me. Ever hear of a mysoginist ? A male person who who hates women and abuses them. Generally the abuse is verbal & mental , sometimes it's physically but it's all abuse & if you intend to stay with him you're in for a hard time. So I think you need to go talk to a professional about his behavior & perhaps they can give you some insight into whatto do. Only a professional can diagnose him. He might be Bi-polar if he has mood swings but how you would convince him to go to a Dr is beyond me so I say get some couselling for yourself & then make a decision as to whether or not you can continue in a relationship with him. Good Luck!

Answer 9

Personality disorders? Please
I think he is worst than you. It is obvious that he has PROBLEMS. You on the other had have no self love and respect for yourself. You can't hang on to a guy because you love him. If he is not treating you right then you need to leave him. For you not to feel suicidal or upset, you should be the one to end the relationship. You have to convince yourself that this relationship is not going to get any better and that in reality it is not going anywhere. With all the drugs and arguments and violent actions do you really think that you are going to marry this guy and have a happy family? Well let me tell you... It's not gonna happen. This guy is angry at life and something is happening in his head and if you don't get away soon. He is going to snap one day and you are going to be the victim and No Sorry's in the world is ever going to undo what he might be capable of doing.
For your own good...... Love your self and Leave ............ Don't walk......... RUN !!!!

Answer 10

You need to get out NOW before it's too late. He is severely disturbed. You weren't put here on earth to "fix" him. Get out. And be very careful you don't pick someone like him the next time. You would only be setting yourself up for failure again.