I have been married for about 3 and a half years now and I have no kids, nor are me and my husband trying for a baby (not yet anyway.) People keep criticizing us and telling us that we are waiting too long to have kids and we should start soon. Why do people always comment on other's personal business as if we care to know their opinion about our lives?
2007-01-26 07:01:18 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
To be quite honest, I just don't think that most people in social situations don't know what to say or ask - so they say the most obvious. Most people who ask me the same question, don't know me well enough to be making it any concern (including extended family). Before i got married, it was always a comment about when I was going to get married. Now that I'm married, it is asking about when I'm going to have a child. We have medical reasons for waiting and it's becoming more and more painful to answer their questions.
I look people in the eye and hold their gaze for just a second too long and then say "thank you so much for your concern. Hubby and I are quite happy with our planning, but we'll keep your suggestion in mind." Then I turn to anyone else in the room, grocery store or basketball game and ask about their lives. It often shuts them up.
Good luck and keep your chin up.
2007-01-26 07:45:32 · answer #1 · answered by ST 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good question, and I wish a had a good answer or solution. My friend says I'm just at the beginning stages of the harrassment. We are currently at the when are you going to get engaged stage. After that, it goes to the when is the wedding stage. Then it graduates to the when are you having babies stage. If everyone would leave us the hell alone, life would be so much simpler.
You could do what a friend did though. Tell them in a sad tone that you can't have kids, maybe shed a tear. Then they feel like an **** for asking and they won't bring up the subject again. In the event you do decide to have kids, well then it's just a wonderful miracle!
I really don't understand what the fascination is though. Maybe some people have such trivial lives they feel the need to intrude in others to live vicariously through them? Good luck! If you do decide to have kids, be forwarned though. Some don't even wait until you're out of the hospital to ask when you are giving the youngster a sibling, heaven forbid they grow up a poor only child...
2007-01-26 17:12:03 · answer #2 · answered by Baby boy arrived March 7th! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good question they are probably saying it because when you get to a certain age, you might be able to handle the baby but do you really want to be 55 or 60 when ur kid is graduating from high school, Personally i think its good to have a kids at an age like around 30 so u can still have some young in u while ur raising ur child, i know someone who has had a baby at 40 and she always tells me that u should never have a baby when ur 40 because be 45 ur body closes on you and by 50 it just gets worser, so these ppl are probably telling u all this stuff because they been through it and dont want ya;ll to go through it to, in a way there kind of saving ya'll, if there older than ya'll then ya'll should probably take the advice if you between 20 and 30, then just do what u want to do.... hope all goes well :o)
2007-01-26 15:16:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Preach it sister! Don't you just hate that. I live in a small town where everybody knows everybodys business. If I want to tell you something about my life I will tell you. I guess they don't have nothing else better to do but to mingle in someone else's life. And you can only do what is best for you and your husband, people should have some consideration for others in situations like that. I think you are doing a great thing no matter how old yall are. Have a child is a very big step. And the more time that yall have together before having achild the better. Me and my husband had a child after a year of dating, so we really didnt get to enjoy each other or time alone. We are so greatful for everything that we have but wish we could have waited a few more years before having children. You're doing the right thing no matter what they say.
2007-01-26 15:23:14 · answer #4 · answered by sweetme35 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My brother and sister-in-law are getting the same flack that you and your husband get.
Tell those pesky somebodies to back the hell off and to let you live your lives the way you see fit.
If that doesn't work, tell them that once you and your husband do decide to have kids that you will employ the very same pests to babysit--and quite often!!!
One baby costs close to $300,000, and that doesn't include babysitting or college so, as parents, you two really need to be prepared. It's easy to become Mommy and Daddy, but difficult to play the part for 18 yrs of your lives. Explain this to them.
BTW: How old are you that these ppl are warning you not to wait "too long"? Are you in your 20's? BAAAAHHHHHH!! If you are, my brother and his wife are in their 30's and are still waiting until his wife finishes graduate school.
Might also be best to plan on finishing school, buying a house, getting into solid employment, getting life insurance, getting a college fund, because this baby that you may or may not plan to have will take away your freedom and change your life!!!
2007-01-26 15:37:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People are never happy. If you were 14 and pregnant, they'd be criticizing you too. Just live your life as you see fit. My husband and I have been married for 5 years this year and are approaching 30 and do not have any children. We're trying but not too hard... if it happens it happens, you know? It is NONE of anyone's business... those that are telling you you're waiting too long were probably knocked up as teens and think that everyone should follow their horrid example... respond by saying you prefer to wait until your emotionally and financially ready for the responsibility of children. You don't want to just jump in and not give it the best you can... why would anyone want to do that?
2007-01-26 15:12:10 · answer #6 · answered by Goose&Tonic 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are right in my opinion. Having children is a HUGE decision that so many people take lightly. They seem to think it's like buying a goldfish or something. My bro and sis-in-law don't have children and they don't plan to at this point. Same with my cousin and her husband. You don't owe anyone any explanations although if you decide not to have kids, telling the prospective "grandparents" would at least be kind. As far as others go-ignore them.
2007-01-26 15:18:11 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell them, thank you i will take your opinion under advisement. I know how you feel only I have the opposite problem, I have 5 kids and people say are you done yet, your not having anymore are you , well i just think if they spent more time judging themselves rather then us, they would be in a much better place, you wait til you are ready enjoy your hubby and your alone time, and if you choose to or not to, i hope you will be happy
2007-01-26 15:42:12 · answer #8 · answered by melissa s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're absolutely right. it isn't anyone else's business but yours.
from personal experience i wish that i had waited a little longer to have kids. once you have children it isn't long before you have grandchildren. i have three. i love them all very much, but i do wish that i would have had more time with just me and my husband.
don't let people pressure you. do what you want to do.
2007-01-26 15:18:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well when someone gets into your business this means that they dont have their own personal lives to attend to and making comments about someone else life interest them and gives them sometihng to talk about that seems like my life my family keeps saying that my husband and I are taking to long to have kids so i feel what your saying and i know how it feels
2007-01-26 15:14:53 · answer #10 · answered by No Other L 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋