Why does my toddler misbehave and cry so much?

Question

My son is 16 mos old, I admit when I first started disciplining him I had no idea what I was doing. I would smack his hand when he got into stuff. Then I read that you shouldn't do that and try to use time out or telling him "No, don't do that". So now he is to the point just in the past 6 mos he whines for everything. Like just now he picked up my husbands lighter and I took it away. He swatted at me then screamed like he had been hit in the face. He will whine for a drink or if you leave the room he will cry like he is dying if you tell him no. Also he won't stay out of things. I know it is normal for toddlers to get into stuff but I literally tell him 20 times a day to stop touching the TV or mommy's books or anything he can't have. 20 times per thing he can't have. I just tell him over and over and I don't know why he doesn't understand he can't have that or that whining and tantrums don't get him anywhere.I just need some parenting advice to het me and him through this stage. HELP

Answer 1

Your problem is why I always had "Dr. Spock" on hand. The answer to everything was in there.

Answer 2

When my first son was born, I had no idea how to do anything!! I got so overwelmed by every aspect of parenting. Now that I'm in med school and have really studied human growth and development I see things in a whole new light. First of all any child below the age of five should never be disciplined. Our brains up until the age of 8 or so doesn't have the ability to understand an adults view of the world at all. A child the age of yours is having a tough time trying to understand that he is a separate individual from you. He has began to realise fear of being alone, but at the same time he wants to explore EVERYTHING around him and gets frustrated because he doesn't have the ability to understand why you will let him explore some things and not others. He doesn't see some objects as being potintually harmful etc... And no amount of yelling or punishment will help him learn this. It's impossible at this time. You are essentually wasting your time and his trying to place him in a corner or swat his hand. I realise that this is a very trying time right now and it only gets worse before it gets better. Try to see the world from his perspective and do things with him that he will enjoy, even if it only lasts a few moments then he is off to something else. Childrens brains don't have the ability to focus their attention for very long, so try doing things with him knowing that it will require lots of speratic events. If your child is "whining" a lot it's because he can since your frustration and feels isolated mentally. Good luck girl! I will pray for your patience in this very hard time.

Answer 3

I know this can be frustrating...but remember that each stage of their development only lasts about 6 months or so (even though that 6 months can sometimes seem like 6 years!). Anyway, instead of just saying "no" when his natural curiosity gets the better of him try saying "no" and then distracting him with something interesting...like take the lighter away and put a car in his hand and then sit down and try playing cars with him or a block or something. Part of his reaction is that he is learning about the world and the the other part is that he is getting attention from you. Try to turn the attention around from a negative "no" to a positive thing...like I suggested with replacing it with something appropriate for him to have. And while all of this is very frustrating for you I am sure just be thankful that he is not l/2 of a set of twins! Good luck (and hang in there...it does get better, with any luck he will move out of the house by the time he is 30!) ;)

Answer 4

Wow... where do I begin. Well first of all your child is barely even a toddler, at 16 months he is really still a baby. While I am supportive of parents spanking a child, I don't think it's appropriate to spank a baby. Spanking should be reserved for serious offenses. When a baby gets into things, he's just curious and is just being a baby, he's not really misbehaving. It's your job as the mom to make his environment safe, keep the lighter out of his reach! If you don't want for him to get into things such as your books keep them out of his reach. He's whining because at 16 months he doesn't have the ability to tell you how he feels, what he wants and needs. The crying when you leave the room is very typical for this age as almost babies go through separation anxiety beginging at around 15 months, he will eventually learn that when you leave, you also come back. The hitting is of course not acceptable, but it is also a sign of frustration, try to get him to show you what he wants if it's something he is not allowed to have try to distract him with something he can have. A child's attention span is equal to his age so your baby's attention span is about a minute and half, this is why you are having to repeat things 20 times a day. You need to relax and let him finish being a baby and get used to the idea that if you want him to learn, you will have to pattern the desired behavior and repeat yourself over and over again.

Answer 5

Hun,

This is what they do. Some kids understand no right off. My oldest I would tell him no and explain why. Like that will hurt you or that is Ma Ma's and he would leave it alone. My Second son................... LOL OH MY GOODNESS!! He got into everything and if you would tell him no he would look at you while he stuck his little finger on to whatever you were telling him not to touch.

What helped me, I toddler proofed. Anything and everything he could get into and shouldn't I moved it into my room and locked the door. This cut down on the No's and gave him room to explore. My second is also my kid that now takes everything apart. He loves Lego and if a toy can be taken a part it gets taken apart. My husband gives him old electronic stuff to take apart. He is 4 and he LOVES it!!

Hang in there !! It get better as they get older and you can reason with them. Also you lightly smacking his hand isn't wrong. I would smack my son's hand if he had gotten a lighter too. :)

Answer 6

I'm guessing you held him way too much as a baby, and always give him what he wants (besides lighters) now as a result he is spoiled. Your the parent, your the boss, stop giving into the crying & whining. Hitting doesn't help, this causes fear, you dont want your child to fear you. This will turn into lying, lying for fear of being in trouble and getting hit again.

PS : Dr Spock doesn't live with you, dont let a book parent your child. You love your child, a book cant teach that.

Answer 7

Notice how after you quit smacking his hands he became more troublesome.

First off, there is absolutely nothing wrong with smacking his hands if he's getting into things. Second, don't get into the habit that many parents are in of sticking him in time out for everything. I personally don't believe in time outs, but even if I did I can tell you they won't work on a 16 month old.

When he is getting into something, tell him in firm but calm voice "No touching". If he continues to get into it, walk over and slap his hands and say "No touching" again. A few times of this and he will learn "No touching" mean stop that or your getting your hands slapped.

If he's whining for something, ignore him. The best thing to do with children who whine and cry for things is to ignore them. They need to learn that if they want something, they should ask in a normal tone of voice. When he stops whining, get down on his level and say to him "I'm glad you're feeling better..now, what is it you want?"

The key is consistency. Trying something new each time only makes it a guessing game for him. He needs to know what the punishment and reaction is, and he needs to expect it each time which means you need to follow through with it each time.

Answer 8

16 months old is a tough age. Your baby isn't a baby anymore, so he's testing his limits. And unfortunately, he'll continue to do so for quite awhile. What makes it worse for him is that his verbal skills are very, very limited compared to your own. So the only way he knows how to express his dislikes to you is through screaming, whining, etc. It's not fun, and it's unpleasant, but that's all he knows.

Time outs can only do so much in the way of disciplining. One thing to try is actually giving him words. When you tell him he can't have something (mommy's books, for example), and he begins to whine/cry, try to verbalize his frustrations: "Yes, I know you're very upset that you cannot play with Mommy's books, but you have your very own books to play with", and then direct him to his own books.

It sounds cheesy, and too easy, and it's definitely not going to make him an angel over night, but give it a try. This worked very well for my daughter. Once she hit about 2.5 and became more verbal, things were much easier.

Best of luck to you, I know these toddler stages can be trying!

Answer 9

I think your in need of the Nanny! Wow, 16-months old and is already controlling you. How does he behave when your husband is at home? I am a very experienced mother, and now grandmother, and my experience with this type of behaviour is quite limited. I strongly suggest that You take a Parenting Course. There are many offered for Free with your local Health Department. Don't hesitate, as before you know it, your son will be going to school and then what? I think it is "temper" and if you could "hold out", pay "no attention", your son will soon realize that this type of behaviour doesn't have a good end result. It may be hard, but you could also try including your son in the household chores, let him wash out the toilet, it won't matter that he gets wet,and the floor gets wet, let him push a "toy" vacuum, wash the plastic dishes,keep HIM busy, and keep your eye on him and you can get your chores done. I hope that I have helped you out a little, good luck and welcome to "motherhood", it is a totally different world and everyday is another challenge!

Answer 10

I have a 2 1/2 years old...I have been going through this since he was 14 months old ....my mom has 5 kids... she went through and now I am... It is COMPLETELY NORMAL...I stopped time out for awhile b/c he stopped hitting , kicking, tantrums, BAD words,ect...You can tap his hand or butt but not hard it wont hurt and its not abuse.... Mainly time out for 1 or 2 minutes in the corner is the BEST SOLUTION and telling him no immediately after he does the BAD thing ..It will teach him its wrong mine instantly picked up on it and does it with his toys ...He said blue kicked me and put it in the corner he said blue bad...he learns better from time out.....and he stopped doing the BAD thing every so often he still needs time out...whinning its frustrating but its normal just tell your child to talk ask me nicely say please
PATIENCE iS KEY although its hard
GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 11

First of all, try to think about how frustrating it would be to live in a world in which no one understands you and you can barely understand them. A toddler who hasn't mastered the language yet lives that daily. That said when you say no. It's no. Put him in time out for 2 minutes if you know he really understood what he was doing was wrong. I put my daughter in time out at that age but not my son. She got it. He didn't. You, as the mom know when your child is doing something on purpose and they look at you with that look of "So... what are you going to do about it?"
If he doesn't seem to know it's wrong then it just requires some teaching... over and over. Take time to explain to him your rules and why you have them. I am not saying this is "so easy" and a cure all but the mentality of "I am the Parent and You are the Child" needs to reign or he will do the reigning and quick.