A very old friend just emailed me to say that she is pregnant and that she and the baby's father have broken up - all in the same email. How do I respond to this?
I don't want to sound judgmental of her choices or worried about her (she called this "good news" and seems happy about the baby) but at the same time I have to figure in sympathy for the difficult situation she is in, not having a partner to help her. How can I write her back delicately?
Also, we live several hundred miles apart and I cannot offer her any physical help; we have not seen each other in about a year, and we have only emailed once or twice since then (no phone calls). Do I owe her an offer of emotional support via phone? How do I phrase an email back to her? Please help!
2007-01-26 06:53:24 · 18 answers · asked by Mysterious Gryphon 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It's not that I'm not happy for her, or that I'm judging her for not being with the baby's father. I just want to know the best way to phrase the letter back to her so as to not sound like I am. She is the first of my friends to get pregnant and I don't know what to say and how to do it politely!
2007-01-26 07:31:59 · update #1
I think this is a very sensitive question, and I'm sure your friend will appreciate your concern. I think many of the things that you've written in your question would be appropriate to share with your friend too.
"Janie, it's great to hear from you and I'm glad that your health is good. I'm so sorry to hear about the breakup of your relationship with Ron. I imagine that will make things difficult for you. I'm afraid I may be too far away to offer you any physical help, but if there's anything I can do please let me know."
2007-01-26 07:17:35 · answer #1 · answered by drshorty 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Congratulate her, for goodness sakes!! Not to be mean, but you already sound judgmental in your question. She may prefer this arrangement without her partner and to raise the baby on her own, you don't know. If she's considering her pregnancy a blessed event, then as her friend, you should too.
How do you know about all the thoughts and feelings she has? Lots and lots of women are raising children on their own. What do you call the single career woman who gets artificially inseminated and never meets the father? Are they to be placed in a basket with the other single moms who are on welfare? You have absolutely no idea where her heart is, so you have to assume it's in a wonderful place and with her blessed event!!!
Support her--as her friend.
I hope this helps.
2007-01-26 07:19:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just be like I'm happy for you congratulations. I wish I could be there> I'd love to meet up some day if you are ever around and I hope that everything works out good for you and your baby.
2007-01-26 08:29:14 · answer #3 · answered by slhurd 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In your response, I would focus on the good news which is she is having a baby. That is so exciting! I would barely touch on the subject of her break-up but perhaps just tell her that your ear is always available if she needs to talk about it. Stress can cause harm to a fetus so I would encourage her to focus on her health right now. It will be very difficult for her to be a single parent, but there's no need to stress about that now because what's done is done. She will need to start planning her future as best as she can, her baby is now the priority.
2007-01-26 07:14:12 · answer #4 · answered by Bee Biscuits 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Feel complimented that she was reaching out to YOU for some reassurance at this time in her life.
Congratulate her on the baby!
Just acknowledge this might be a conflicting time for her; then offer your friendship and listening ear if you can.
Life doesn't always happen in a neat little box.
2007-01-26 08:13:22 · answer #5 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course you congratulate her about the baby...regardless of her circumstances, and poor choices--blah, blah, blah--the baby is a blessing.
And of course, you tell her how sorry you are about the breakup, and let her know you're available if she'd like to talk. Tell her you miss her and that you are sorry that you've not been in contact as much as you would like.
Get her address, and ask if you can send her a few things for the baby...I'd send a packet of newborn onesies, a blanket, a few sleepers; you can get that for about $30 at Target, if cost is a problem.
Be her friend...she'll need it now more than ever. And good luck to you!
2007-01-26 07:14:21 · answer #6 · answered by Julia A 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
you don't even have to respond if you don't want to... think about it, she e-mailed you to get sympathy... if she really needed you as a friend, she'd have already been trying to contact you by (at least) weekly e-mails, and calling at leat twice a month.before she was even preg... you live far apart, and have both let the relationship fall through the cracks... it sounds harsh to not respond, but you owe each other nothing... don't feel obligated to contact her, and don't feel guilty for not wanting to, or not know what to say... it sounds like you've just become random/indifferent acquaintances, and that is a far cry from true friendship... but you can do what you want to, if you want to help her out and offer your time, thats perfectly fine, but don't feel like you need to dedicate your time to her because of her life changes... life happens, to all of us, sometimes people stop being a part of our lives, and are meant to stay out ... it's ok to be selfish sometimes
2007-01-26 07:13:55 · answer #7 · answered by lily 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Just congradulate her on the baby, and let her know that your there for her. She's probably much better off without the babies father. Remind her that she can do this on her own.
2007-01-26 09:07:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations. The other details of of no importance. She is pregnant and happy about it. As with all pregnancies, congratulations are in order.
2007-01-26 07:42:49 · answer #9 · answered by north79004487 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is reaching out because she probably feels scared and helpless. You can be both of these things and still not be ashamed of a situation. Just let her know you are there to listen. If she asks for advice, and you don't know, say just that. She wants to know she is not alone in the world ya know?
2007-01-26 07:11:47 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋