I have 2 step kids that i love immensely, how do i get then to realize how much i care for them????

Question

they have been in my life for almost 4 years now and my feelings have not changed for them. recently my own daughter has come to live with us and now the youngest step kid hates my guts. I wish i knew why she feels like that about me. My kids are here all the time and most of the time they are grounded because of their actions and the things that they do. my step kids are only here a few times a month. my step kids are the world to me. i have even told their dad that i wanted to get their names tattooed under my kids' names. they are like my own kids...we may not be blood but we are still family. in my heart they are mine. in my soul they are mine. i would die for them just like i would die for my own kids. how can i get them to see how much they hurt me when they say and do mean things to me???????????? I love them so much but i do not think they care, i think they just want their dad away from me

Answer 1

Kids can be difficult and sometimes just plain mean. Especially the adolescent ones. It sounds like she is jealous or is feeling like she won't matter now that your own child is there. Do something special with just her. Go shopping, or to a movie, do something together. Perhaps all of them need that one on one time. I raised two stepdaughters too, they are much closer to me than they are to their parents. (I divorced their dad) Good luck.

Answer 2

Hi, I just have a couple of things I wanted to point out.
1- Just about all kids want their parents to get back together. My daughter had her own family and still years later was trying to get us back together.
2-You say your daughter came to live with your family and now the youngest step child hates your guts. I think the step child is feeling that your daughter is living with her/his Dad=Jealous, after all they are no longer living with their Dad.

Try to put yourself in the step kids shoes and think about how you would feel. Please don't take it personal, it's not you, it's Dads wife. After you have given this some though, talk to Dad and get his input. I would think between the two of you there could be some solutions.
You sound like a wonderful person and you are going to have to have a lot of patients.

Answer 3

You don't want to hear this, but like a good friend tells you when you have food in your teeth... I'm going to tell you this.
You may love them truly in your heart like they were your own, but in their eyes you are an intruder. The only thing that you can truly do is continue to show them support, love their father, and be their "friend." I have been through this and I had two step sons that rejected me regularly. It hurts your heart, but listen to what I tell you. One day they will grow up (as mine have now) and life will show them just how special and wonderful you are, how awesome you were when the were young, and how incredibley difficult and hateful even that they were to you. They will adore you in the future my dear! Mine do and we have a strong and wonderful relationship that surpasses anything I could have dreamed for. Hang in there and don't press them or make an issue of it. Just be cool. That doesn't mean they get to run all over you though (caution here) You are still the adult and whether you are their real mother or not...while they are in your house, they WILL respect you and abide by your laws because you are still their senior and the adult!!! Do not let them mess with you and don't give in or fall for manipulations.

Answer 4

Step families are complicated, aren't they? It has been my experience that the younger the children are when you enter their lives, the easier it will be for you. I have a step son who was 17 when I married his father and he, to this day, 14 years later, still hates my guts and has actually threatened to kill me. On the other hand, my daughter was only 1 when my husband and I married and she LOVES him and thinks of him as her only dad (as a matter of fact, he's in the process of adopting her). The only thing, that I know of, that will help you is giving them consistent love, attention and the time to adjust. 4 years may seem like a lot to you, but in the long term scheme of things, you have a lifetime ahead of you with these kids. Give them the time they need -- whether it be 4 years or 10 years. The more they see how dedicated you are to their mother and to the family, they will gradually warm up. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

It's great that you love them. BUT don't try to replace the biological parent and all that he/she means to them because they know the difference. Treat them as favored guests while they are around. That means being kind to them and being available to them BUT not being overbearing and trying to forge a relationship that may not exist. Also, if they are uncomfortable with the newness of you on their parent's arm, they might rebel. And you don't know what they're being told about you when you guys are not with them. You could be seen as the Fake Boogie Parent who broke up their home.
Yes, it would be a misfair assessment, but nevertheless, you don't know what they're being told.
For example, here's a script that I'm creating here and now for this forum's sake.
The child might say to the custodial parent (CP) , "I want new shoes."
CP might reply, "Well, you could get the new shoes IF I had another parent in the house sharing these @%#$@^ bills instead of other there with ___"

The child might be misinformed. Who knows?
The best way to handle this is a) expect respect, b) give respect.
Yup, it's just that simple, do not crowd the child. Ever seen anyone crowd a mountain lion. Some things are better handled with kid gloves, gently, gently.

Answer 6

Not sure how young the kids are(step kids) but seems to me..they're going through enough already* They are "kids"*..they will see when they get older how you treat them as your own, and how much you love them...but right now..just be there for them and try to talk to them about the hurtful things they say or do that upsets you. they obviously think you're trying to take their dad away from them...but sit them down and say that's not what you're doing* You love them and they'll always have their real father but you love them as if they're your own. You can't push the issue on children....it's hard enough for them everyday to deal with their own problems on a day to day basis., let alone hearing about yours. I understand where you're coming from....but all you can do ........Is be there for them no matter what, and teach them it's not appropriate to deliberately hurt someones feelings no matter how mad or upset they are* Talking gets alot more accomplished. GoodLuck*

Answer 7

I think your looking the wrong direction...look at your own daughter. I'd be willing to bet that she may be jealous of the other kids and has told the little one bad things to try and get her not to like you. You need to talk to all the kids individually about their feelings and ask them why they seem not to like you anymore. (Don't forget to speak to your kids and let them know that you still love them to...kids don't always realize that.) Then get the group together and straighten things out so that you have a happier family. You sound like a gr eat guy but I think the kids both step-kids and your own kids need some reassurance on where they stand with you. Good Luck.

Answer 8

I have 2 step daughters. Though I do not have a child of my own yet. The Biggest thing you need to understand is that the love they may have for you is not like that of a child to a parent. You have envaded their family (atleast in their mind). You have made the idea of Mom & Dad being together again impossible. The best thing to do is to sit down with them, their father, and your child. Have a discussion as to how you feel and let them express their feelings also. Do not let them feel that if they do they will be punished. Encourage them to express themselves in appropriate ways.
Good Luck!!!

Answer 9

Step children always hold in their minds the hope that their parents will get back together,, And they feel if they accept the step parent and love the step parent, then they are being unfaithful to their own natural parent,

Answer 10

Unfortunatly most children don't realize how good thier parents, step or otherwise were untill they grow up.Do the best you can for them, keep the lines of communication open, but DO NOT take any crap. Good luck.