What to do/how to act?

Question

My husbands Grandmother passed away, and we have to attend her visitation and funeral on Sunday and Monday. The problem is-I don't like his parents or sister and the feeling is mutual, and I don't think they like my hubby (their son). They didn't call him when he was in the hospital 3 weeks ago and they didn't get our children anything for christmas and havent called anyone or talked to us in 7 months. I just know this situation is going to be uncomfortable. I don't want to be rude to them but I don't want it to seem as I am going to be too friendly to them. In fact I like the fact that we have nothing to do with eachother, my husband says that they don't like him and therefore don't like his wife and kids either. Someone please give me some advice as how to act without being rude or too friendly, and some things to say to them, besides HELLO, how are you. Thanks.

My husband hasn't had a good relationship with his parents in years, even before meeing me. After we met his parents were nice to me and I really liked them, however about 9 months ago something changed and they haven't called or talked ot us and havent even wanted anything to do with my children, their only grandchildren, and I don't know what happened. They are so cold, not calling when me or hubby was in hospital or calling our children for christmas or birthdays or giving them one thing, any information that we need comes from his sister and she is now acting like her parents which she never used to do until she started working with my father in law. We live 3 blocks from them and they have been to our home 10 times in 5 years.

Answer 1

I know EXACTLY how you feel. Do you know...my husband and I lived less than 5 minutes from his mother and about 15 minutes from his father for the last 13 years...if I didn't motivate (force) the issue of him spending time with his family...he wouldn't have. I even knew that his family didn't like me, and I STILL encouraged him to spend time with them! He told me a long time ago that he doesn't even like his parents anymore, but I tried so hard to tell him to just "make nice" with them. I figured, they're the only two parents he'll ever have. Well, that was a mistake. His mother just told me...YESTERDAY..."You're LUCKY to have my son. I LET YOU HAVE MY SON." How dare she??!! Neither one of them ever bother to be grandparents to our children, yet when we moved 4.5 hours south of them, 90 days ago, they both lectured ME about how I was moving "their son" and "their grandkids" away from them. The nerve!!! I am so sorry that your husband's grandmother has passed. Here's my advice to you...focus on ONLY that event. Don't even give anything or anyone else the time of day. They don't deserve it from you! I'm so sorry that you live in the same hell I do where in-laws are concerned.

By the way... when our first child was born, she told me that since I didn't want to have him christened, he was "going to hell for all eternity"...isn't that lovely? What a sweet, grandmotherly thing to do.

I now believe that my husband was right...we are better off without his parents in our lives. We were fortunate enough to finally move far enough away from them...we'll never have to run into them or see them again! It's sad, but you know what? We didn't ask for this, nor did we cause it. There's nothing we can do about how they act towards us. For anyone that says, "you should just be the bigger person"...tell 'em to stick it! You shouldn't always have to be the one to bend. Sometimes, you should just turn around and walk away - let it be their loss!

Answer 2

You act cordial. You are not obligated to mingle with his parents at the funeral. First of all, you're there for his grandmother. That's it. If they make ignorant comments, simply ignore it and walk away. Don't say anything that will stoop you down to their level. Just be sweet. You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

And what's wrong with a casual "hello" and "how are you?" If they don't take the time to call you or remember their own grandchildren on the holidays, then you don't owe them anything.

Answer 3

My wife was a dynamo when my Grandfather passed away. She knew how much he meant to me and she was perfectly respectful. She also came to find out that what she thought people thought about us being together wasn't true. My grandfather told her that she was the best thing that ever happened to me, I think it was at his funeral she showed the rest of my family it was true.

Answer 4

I think you can use this as an opportunity to make things better at this sad time. Just talk about how much she meant to you all and maybe this can be the start to some bonding and mending your relationships.

The phones work 2 ways.....you guys can call them and at least you have made an effort.

My condolences on her passing.

Answer 5

Don't let it get you down. Go in there and be as cheerful as you can. Force if it you have to. This is not about you, or them, it is about something bigger. Families like that are hard to work with, no matter how willing you are to fix the problem. If they can't act like adults then that is their problem. You just do your best to be bigger then they are.

Answer 6

my daughter doesn't want anything to do with me and at family funerals; she doesn't speak to me. I will acknowledge her by saying hi; but that's as far as it goes.
you are paying respect to your husband's grandmother, so hopefully his family will respect her at the funeral and keep to themselves.
don't know your circumstances; but I just want to say that it's a shame that families have to act this way.
good luck

Answer 7

scrape em off your shoe and move on, If you must go then go and pay your respect to his granny and leave, don't make a scene and if they try just walk away. I wish my in-laws wouldn't talk to me, u r lucky.