4yr old more than a handful?

Question

My 4yr old son is begining to be a handful. He's always been full of engery, smart and quick to come up with something to say (and never stop talking but what kid doesn't?). But lately he doesn't listen or even stop when told to be nice and stop hurting his little sister (19months) Ever time I turn around he's doing something else, either taking toys away or throwing them , slapping her hands and grabbing things out of her hands. I thought he was old enough to understand the difference between nice and hurtful. He'll get a time out and not a few minutes later be up and doing it all over again.
Anyone with any helpful ideas on how to keep him in line. Time outs don't work anymore, and neither does rewarding for good behavior. He doesn't seem to listen as all toddlers go through but this is getting to be way out of line.
Please helpful tips and ideas, please! We're afraid he'll be doing this in school when he starts this year.

Answer 1

Well, I've been there! I once had an almost-out-of-control 4 year old-the good news-with some support and basic parenting tips-she's now a well-behaved 6 year old!

Here's where to start:
First-don't try to modify all his bad behaviors at once-this will overwhelm both of you! Pick two you'd particularly like to change (say slapping and grabbing toys from his sister)-GET DOWN ON HIS LEVEL (i.e. sit on the floor or kneel and look him right in the eye) and say in a firm voice "You are not allowed to....(fill in whatever behavior)..it isn't acceptable (or nice or whatev) and if you do....then list his consequence. Then the very next time he does that behavior get down on his level, firm voice again, and say "Hitting/slapping/whatev is not acceptable. This is your warning. If you do it again, you will go to the timeout chair/naughty mat/your room."
The important thing is follow up-if he does it again, take him there. Don't ask him to go, take him.

Time out tips-since you feel timeout isn't working anymore, change the name, but use the same principle. Getting a little carpet square or pillow and placing it in a very low-traffic place and giving it a creative name can put a new spin on an old trick.

If you're son is like most, he'll try to get out of timeout if you leave him alone. Tell him in a firm voice that each time he gets up his time starts over. Don't get engaged in conversation or arguement. The less attention you can lend him, the better. But make sure you firmly send him back to the timeout area each time he gets up or resists. THE FIRST TIME WILL SEEM TO LAST FOREVER. DON"T GIVE UP!! He may resist for 10-20-even 30 minutes the first time. But once you've shown that you will be persistent, he will back down.

One problem maybe that your son is getting bored-he's at an age when he's maturing ALOT intellectually and may need new challenges. Using construction paper, scissors, and glue you can give him all sorts of "jobs" (creating new monsters, a card for Grammy, etc) that will help keep him busy.

Other ideas- a simple behavior chart made on the computer or by hand on poster board with sticker rewards is also a great behavior modifier. Since he has a younger sibling, the chart could be especially for him and will boost his confidence when he IS behaving and also give him a little special treatment (which all siblings need from parents, right!?). Getting to put a sticker on his chart after a long day of good behavior is really exciting for kids.

Finally-don't give up! Support is key! If you have a spouse, make sure to get him on board with your efforts. It's impossible to parent successfully unless you present a "united front!". Also, find a couple of close friends who will back you up, listen to you vent when he's crying in the background, etc. You may even want to look online for support groups that you can browse at your own pace. Ivillage is a great resource and so is familyfun.com (they have great inexpensive ideas for keeping little hands busy and out of trouble).

Best of luck to you! Happy Parenting!

Answer 2

Take advantage of the time when the baby is napping and both mom and dad are home to have a talk with him. Catching him while he's not in the situation is the best time. He will be more receptive to what you are saying if you tell him when he's not doing the behavior. Start by telling him what a good boy he is and how very proud you and daddy are of him and how much you both appreciate how much he tries to help out with the baby. Then go on to tell him the baby is much smaller than he is and that when he does these things it isn't really helpful. Tell him that he can help with the baby in other ways. If he sees the baby doing something that maybe she shouldn't be doing, to let you know instead and that you will handle it or tell him what to do. But that you and daddy are the adults and you are the parents, not him. Tell him that his job is to be the best big brother that he can be and that the baby will love him even more for that.
Also, each parent should spend some special time alone with him so that he knows that he is still special to both of you.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

Oh boy! I have a 4 year old son that does not listen and a one year old daughter. I made a 1 month chart and hung it on the refrigerator. If he is good he gets a happy face, if he is bad he gets a sad face. Of course, he wants the happy face because he will be rewarded at the end of the day. (ie: ice cream, candy, etc.) He goes to pre-school twice a week and he actually is very good! He is normally good to his little sister but there are those occassions when I leave the room and she is crying because I know he did something! I honestly think they do it because they are jealous and want the attention. But they do eventually grow out of it! Good Luck

Answer 4

Revenge is a beautiful thing......
Don't worry about - when the time comes - she will get him back.
This happened to my youngest grand daughter and one of her older twin sisters. The oldest twin kept taking things away from her baby sister for the longest time (probably slapping her hands aslo). One day, when the youngest one got to be a bit older and and the oldest twin tried taking something from her again - the baby grabbed her, pulled her to the floor and began hitting her.
My son heard the oldest twin crying and went to see what was going on. He just laughed and said "see, that's what you get for taking things from her - she's just getting even". The oldest twin never tried that trick again. These two are 8 & 10 now and they spend a lot of time arguing. I guess the youngest one is still trying to play 'catch up'.

Answer 5

I have a 4 yr old daughter and I am having the same problem. I'm hoping it's just a phase since you have the same situation. When I try time out she goes crazy because she can't be alone ( so she says) She really goes crazy. I think we might have to just deal w/ it. It's nice to see I am not alone.

Answer 6

well my mother and I believe in a good old fashioned spanking never hurt a child in the least and it might even teach him something . I was raised in a christian home and it says in the bible spare the rod and spoil the child . It still holds true . You need to apply a little harsh disipline . In the form of a light spanking and then he will know you mean business . Yes I find that after 4 yrs the time out chair is a joke to them . I say good ole fashioned spanking is in need here . good luck to you.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

maybe he is scared that you love the baby more thatn him and are giving the baby more attention than him and he is acting out to get your attention. maybe you should just take him out and spend a day doing stuff he likes to do so he knows you still love him.

Answer 9

Duct tape him to the refrigerator......