my g/f and i have been dating for about 4 and a half yrs, she's 29, im 22 and a half. About 2 weeks ago she informed me that she was preg and will be keeping the baby. she was on the pill the whole time we were dating (allegedly) so i never used a condom or any other type of birth control. i have a few reasons why i think she got preg on purpose the main one being that i ran into a friend of hers yesterday who congratulated me and said she was happy for us b/c "she knew how much my g/f wanted a baby" which was news to me! i just graduated from college and have a good job now and my g/f has been out of college for 7 yrs so financially this isnt a problem, i just am in no way ready to be a dad b/c of the huge change that bringing a child into the world will have on someone's life. just a few month ago she and i were talking about how neither one of us is ready for marriage yet so that isnt an option. on top of this, my mom is gonna kill me! any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanx.
2007-01-26 06:38:58 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Look at it logically: she's 29, I'd bet most of her friends are either married, getting married, have babies, or have a good idea when they're going to have a baby. She was probably figuring it's now or never and, like most women, she chose "now." If she's 29 and you're 22, and you've been dating for 4 years, that means you guys started dating when you were 18 and she was 25 (if my math is correct). That's not that unusual these days. You were probably loving the idea of being with an older, more experience woman and she probably loved the fact that she could still snag a younger guy who she could "mold" if you will. Did either of you plan on it being long term? Probably not, but one thing led to another and here your g/f is, 4 years later, quickly pushing 30, dating a guy who is obviously too young for marriage. I bet she weighed her 2 options: wait a few more years until your ready to get married (but her worry might have been what if something happens, what if you break up, etc. Then she'd be mid-30's, having to start dating all over again, making the chances of having a baby even smaller) or have a baby now while she still can and just make the best of it. I think we all know which option she chose. It doesnt take much to flush her pills down the toilet.
It really sucks for you dude, you got played big time, but it happens. If you don't want kids, take an active role in the birth control and wear a trojan (advise that would've been helpful a few months ago I know but come on, your a smart guy, you knew what you were doing). The truth is, the pill is pretty much 100% effective. There are some things that make it weaker like other drugs but, from what I know, if a girl takes the pill properly, she ain't getting pregnant. You said you had "a few reasons why you think she got preg on purpose"?? I'd be curious to know what some of the other ones were. Bottom line: you got played bro...a mistake you're going to live with for at least the next 18 years. The good thing is you said your both financailly stable. A lot of couple who bring children into the world are not so at least you have that going for you.
What can you do now?? Not much. You have no say as to whether she keeps the baby so don't even go down that road. I'd watch yourself as far as accusing her goes. I don't think she's take an accuuation of a planned pregnancy very well. 4 and a half years is a long time to date. Make the best of it, having a kid is fun and just make sure that you're there for both the baby and your g/f.
As far as what "mommy" is going to think. I bet she'll be disappointed. I'm sure she doesnt like the idea of her son knocking up a women 7 years older than him without being married but it'll work out. It always does. It's her gradchild, planned or not, married or not, and she'll realize that soon.
Best of luck. Wrap it up from now on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-01-26 07:54:55 · answer #1 · answered by sandiego333 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all you should have used extra precautions. Did you really expect her to wait until she was 40 to have kids? Also I don't think "SHE" did it on purpose. You both did it by not using a condom or something else. There is nothing you can really do other that take on the responsibility and get used to being called Daddy! If you are really worried about your mom then it sounds like you might have some issues there too. You are out of college, have a job, have a steady g/f (for a while it looks like), and you are worried about what your mom thinks?! I am 22 and due in 4 weeks with my first child, my husband is 27 and my mom didn't kill me, she is actually very excited. You might be surprised on how your mom reacts. Also, your g/f wants a baby, and she should have never had to explain to you that she will be keeping it. That should be something someone assumes to begin with. She is old enough to have this baby with or without you. So if you are not ready then you shouldn't make her feel like she is not ready. I think if you can make a baby, be a man and own up to the responsiblity!
2016-03-29 03:45:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you both been in a relationship together for awhile now and she is a bit older than you are. Women get pregnant even on birth control all the time. Even if she accidently forgot to take her pill one day or was even late taking it, it could cause her to get pregnant if no other form of protection was taken. If you've been with her for 41/2 years now you obviously love her very much, even though you are young I can understand why you are so concerned about having this responsibility for the rest of your life, but I bet everything will work out great. Propose already!
2007-01-26 06:54:46 · answer #3 · answered by krystyle7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take her to the counseling with you to discuss about it. While you are at it, ask her if she wanted the baby to happen to get married just because you both dated for so long. Maybe she doesn't realize enough about your feelings toward the being dad issue. You need to tell her that you always thought of planning on waiting until a right time to come, not on impulses feelings. to see what she has to say about it. Having the baby changes everything. Don't get married on the baby issue, it has to be other issues to think about. Some people get married on baby issue and the relationship changes , not the same thing.. Please don't get married on the baby coming. But support her as long as she support herself through the whole thing, be just a good pal about it. however, if you and g/f resent each other on how it started or how it happened She will realize it going to be more to the relationship to which could be threatened than the baby issue itself. If she love you and been with you for so long she could have wait until you are ready to do so. I am sorry about it. Therefore, I think its best for you to talk to your mother about as you face this issue as real man. Your mother know you the best than rest of us on yahoo and give you the better advices. It is okay for your mother to get mad at you at first because It's mother's part of love on their children.
2007-01-26 07:13:16 · answer #4 · answered by Julie G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you have sex with a person, you have to be willing to deal with what ever happens, and you know that there are consequences to everything that we do in life. You made the choice to sleep with her, and now you have no choice. You must make the best of the situation, since your girlfriend already said she is having this child. I wish you luck in this. You should probably prepare yourself for fatherhood because its headed your way.
2007-01-26 06:51:22 · answer #5 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you put your hook in the water your going to catch a fish!!you are a college graduate so you are smart enough to know that you also need to be protected when having sex you cant depend on the women for that you are your own person!! and if you feel she did this on purpose oh well what's done is done!! does it really matter at this point anyways!!
2007-01-26 06:57:19 · answer #6 · answered by notyochic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel bad. Having a child is a wonderful experience! You and your Mom will think differently when you see a little you!
2007-01-26 06:47:41 · answer #7 · answered by saturn man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you're in it now.
Just ask her how it happened.
But for the future....always use a condom. When a woman's biological clock is ticking...she may lie to get what she wants.
Buy a ring, dude.
2007-01-26 06:48:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Say "Are you pregnant?" If she says yes, say "Did you get pregnant on purpose?"
2007-01-26 06:45:18 · answer #9 · answered by drgolfmd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋