Meeting up with the ex...What should i do?

Question

I split up with my ex just before the new year. I was fed up of him putting me second best, always out with his friends, never calling and it seeming like a 'chore' to see me. It was hard, as we planned to get engaged this month and to try for a baby at the end of the year, i really thought he was the one...and upto until a couple of months at the end of the relationship, it was perfect. However, ever since his best friend become single, he had changed. I really thought he was the one, but had to pluck up the courage to end it. Ever since, he has been contacting me here and there saying how bad he is etc. Then yesterday he were saying how hes not the same without me and wants me back. So, today, i phoned him and said, we should talk in person. So he agreed, we are meeting next wednesday. I'm not sure where to go from here, what to expect...or what to say? What would you do in my situation? I don't want to get back into things if he hasn't changed.

Answer 1

Seems to me this guy is still living up the single life. He is not ready to commit if he makes his girlfriend second best, especially of you are both considering marriage.

Is this behavior something you are willing to put up with. Just consider that if he is willing to make you second best, it will be easy for him to do the same to his kids (and family as a whole).

Think about what you want: you want a stable family, kids, a responsible and loving husband that treats you well. You did the right thing in ending it with him as your priorities are different than his. Think of how it would be if you had kids with him. That's scary if he still wants to behave "single."

Be careful of him wanting you back. He may do so and still want to keep his "single" behavior. Give yourself time to think of whether he wants you for the right reasons. Perhaps he is just lonely for some intimacy. I have a friend who allowed herself to become a "booty call" despite my advice. The guy did not want to commit, was still partying around and using my friend. I gave up on giving any more advice because I kept getting "But I love him..."

It is difficult to let go of the time and effort you invested in your relationship. After all, you gave a part of yourself to this whole relationship. Give yourself time to grieve and recover from that and remind yourself you did the right thing AND you deserve what you want. Do not settle for less.

If you decide to give it another chance (I DO believe in second chances), do not jump into it with all your emotions raw. There is value to the saying "think with your head and not your heart" cause, Honey, in real life, love is not enough.

So take it slow, breathe and take with you your "rational thinking cap" as emotions can cloud your judgement.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

I wouldn't expect much. He will say and do whatever he thinks you need to take him back, but don't you think he already blew it? He had you and he chose his friends over you once. What will stop him from doing it again? I think you should ask him that question and see what he has to say. I'm sure he realized how great things were with you after he left, but why didn't he realize it enough BEFORE he left so that he wouldn't even want to leave? That's what is really concerning, in my opinion.

Guys usually want what they think they can't have or want back what they once had after they thought the grass would be greener elsewhere. It's just like when someone cheats...there's nothing to stop him from doing this to you again if you take him back because he knows he can screw up and you will let him back in like nothing ever happened.

Listen to what he has to say, but think long and hard about your decision. This is your life too and do you want to spend it with someone who throws away your plans because he wants to be single again - and then decides it's not so great after all? He sounds emotionally immature and you'd be taking a big risk if you give him another chance.

Trust your gut on this one - listen to your head and then you'll have no regrets. Good luck!!

Answer 3

Dont get suckered in to anything, cos all your old feelings are still there at the moment, best thing is to just talk like its the first time you've ever met and if he is still the same then walk away, Ex's are ex's for a reason, and sometimes if it meant a lot you try and forget what the reasons were. But you know he coud always do this again, but just try and talk it out and see how you both feel.

Answer 4

Insist on couples thereapy. This could be in the form of reading book on the subject together and discussing the salient points in the text or pre-marital counseling (offered by many churches for free.)

Make sure he knows what made you call it quits. He should have some time to share with just his buddies, but not more than he's willing to dedicate to you.

Everyone deserves a second chance, if you still love him, go for it. If it happens again - Goodbye.

Good luck, sweetie.

Answer 5

EVERYONE in a relationship thinks that "this is the one" or else you wouldn't be in that relationship. Think back on how you felt with your past ones. Yes, it's different. That difference does not qualify this one to "be the one".
Trust me...You have a weakness for this guy. Obviously, he won't give you what you want in a relationship (he's proven that by his actions)
The world is full of other guys that want nothing more than for you to be the center of their universe, why make "the one" that is out there wait? Stand up your ex and go find the one you are supposed to be with. ;)

Answer 6

well, dont jump into anything. make sure you have a long and thourough talk aboiut EVERYTHING. and make sure he has input, let him "plead his case" and then once you hear his intentions and all that good stuff, you should be able to get a feeling on how he feels about the whold situation. wether he is serious about it or if he is just lonely and sees you as his "comfort zone" but you have to ask your sel something also... do you want to be with him still? if you cant 100% answer yourself that ? then dont even bother you will just be wasting bnoth of yalls times.

Answer 7

Baby girl u want to go back out with him .Nothing has changed and nothing will it might seem it in the beginning but u will soon be back in a rut again .Good luck baby girl

Answer 8

YOU TELL HIM YOU DON'T WANT TO GET BACK WITH HIM IF HE NOT GOING TO CHANGE. I JUST WENT THROW THE SAME THING. I RUSHED BACK INTO IT AND NOW I SINGLE AGAIN. MY BOYFRIEND CHEATED ON ME WITH MY BEST FRIEND. SO YOU TAKE YOUR TIME. BE LIKE HAY IF THINGS ARE NO GOING TO CHANGE THEN WE CAN JUST BE FRIENDS..

Answer 9

just remind yourself why he is an EX