my son doesnt even know him. Now my sons dad swears that he wants things to be different and he wants to get to know his son, my son is almost 4. My sons dad wants his family back, but is it fair to get back with him?? The woman I have been with for 3 years has always been there for my son and I. Not sure what to do. Any advice would help thanks so much...
2007-01-26 05:43:22 · 13 answers · asked by Dolphin 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
4 years is a long time to take to decide he wants to be a family. Has he paid child support in all this time? If he hasn't he should have been and if he has and still hasn’t been around, why would you want him back? Do you think he’s changed in any way from the way he was before, because if he hasn’t and he comes in and out of your son’s life, your son will be the one who gets hurt. I’ve been there, I know how that can affect a child. Someone said little boys need daddy figures in their life, but if that daddy is going to end up hurting them by coming and going, it's best if he's not in his life. I think as long as they have people around them who love them that's all they need. Let him decide when he’s older if he wants to get to know his dad, when he’s old enough to handle it.
2007-01-28 09:29:50 · answer #1 · answered by Casey S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son's dad wants his family back? When were you a family? You say your son doesn't even know this man, so it seems to me like there was no "family" from the beginning. Is it fair for whom? You, your son, or the father? Seems to me that the father would be the only one getting anything out of a relationship. Is he going to help you support your child financially and emotionally? Does your son have any other males in his life that he can interact with? Just because a man can father a child, it doesn't make him a dad! You have to look at all the issues involved here. Like why you two broke up in the first place. Has he really changed? Can he deal with a child he hasn't cared about for 4 years? Does he pay child support? There doesn't seem to be anything good about this (man?) that you have mentioned. Seems to me that you should just count your blessings and move on with your life. Sometimes growing up with just one parent who loves you and has always been there for you is the best thing for the child. But there are other men out there who would love to be a daddy, it doesn't have to be his biological father. Do what is BEST for your son! His needs should come first, not yours or the fathers! Good luck!!
2007-01-28 15:27:10 · answer #2 · answered by Lara J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok no matter who you with you think is fair to bring your sons dad afetr all this time to the picture and make believe like the last 3+ years never happen i dont think so , i had the same problem and my son is 13 now his father always says the same comes back to the picture for 3 months and then dissapear for months even a year or more at time and not that i would ever get back with him because since my son was 3 and we got divorce we never have gotten back, but is not fair to the child they suffer and do you want to let your son get hurt by a complete starnger to him let your son make the choice and explain to his father the terms of visitations dont rush into anything with him till he can prove you he deserves his family back and that is only if that is the way you want it****
2007-01-26 13:54:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
to be honest with you I don't think that anyone could answer this question but you.... You must know the way you feel about the individual parties and you should know the best environment for your heart. In the first place why did he wait until the child was that age to come back and say that he wants to re create a family... to me that is unfair, not only to you but your child. At the end of it girlfriend no matter the opinion that the general public gives to you, you have to live with the decision that you make... so follow your heart and make a wise decision... I wish you all the best!!!
2007-01-26 14:01:20 · answer #4 · answered by smallebabe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to be back with him in order for him to spend time with his son. Remember just follow your heart on who you love. Let his dad come into his life and spend time with your son. That way you can see the change in him as the time goes by. If not, then you know what to do! I hope all things works out for you!
2007-01-26 13:50:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All little boys need daddy figures in there lives. Laugh if u want
but it is true. Maybe he is finally coming around and relizes he
needs to be part of his life, don't be selfish and let your emotions
rule your thought process. If after a while he goes back to his old ways, at least u can say u did give a chance and feel that at this
time it would hurt him more for u to keep coming and going in
his life it will just confuse him. But at least u gave it a try.
2007-01-26 13:53:21 · answer #6 · answered by Nanniekc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe, you decide. After all, he is the father of your son. I believe your son would not want to be without a dad next time. Maybe, give him another chance to see how things go, if it doesn't work out, then at least you tried your best.
2007-01-26 13:52:41 · answer #7 · answered by ButterMilkQueso 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you have been in a relationship with a women?
Personally, I am against same sex relationships BUT in this case I think that it would be smart for your son to ease into knowing his Father. Start off slow and then move up.
If this man hasn't changed then it would be a tragedy to have him get to know his father only to have him step out of his life.
2007-01-26 13:53:53 · answer #8 · answered by Heather 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not start with small visits? See how he interacts with your son. If you don't want to leave your partner, you can always accept your son's father as a "family friend" - or extended family.
Be considerate to your partner, though. She seems to love your son and you should be considerate to her feelings. I would think that the boy's father's desire to have "his family" back is not compatible with your idea of your family. Why would you want to give up YOUR need for love?
2007-01-26 14:10:03 · answer #9 · answered by Developing Minds 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to look at the honest reason the boys dad wants him back in his life. You know why, and when he found out that truth it jolted him into being more concerned for his son and rightly so. Your looking for an excuse here to enable you to isolate your son from the truth he may learn from his dad. He should know the truth.
2007-01-26 13:52:34 · answer #10 · answered by Dave 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋