make me laugh? :(?

Question

I was wondering if anyone can make me laugh..i prefer clear, easy to understand jokes...not ones like "the guy and the wife were in a fight..so he told her to wake up in the mroning..." i don't like jokes like that because i don't understand them. OR, do something that you think will cheer me up. anything goes.. i will be grateful.

I feel depressed. thank you.

Answer 1

yo mama jokes:

yo mama is so fat...
- even bill gates cant afford her laposuction
- wen she told me how much she weighed, i thought she was telling me her phone number.
- wen she stepped on a scale it read "to b continued"
- wen she stepped on a scale it read "one in a time plz"
- she puts lipstick with a paint roller
- wen she fell in love, she broke it
- she broke the family tree

Answer 2

I masturbate so much, you could lift my fingerprints off of my penis.
George Bush is so stupid, before he wasn't elected president, he thought Iraq was a poolhall downtown.
My sister is so stupid, she thought she could lose weight if she ate a lighter.
If you celebrate Valentine's Day with the same person you spend Mother's Day with, you might be a redneck.
My brother is so short, he's got Athlete's Balls.
My grandmother is so dry, she can pop her pimples by blowing on them.
My sister has more crack in her than Humpty Dumpty.
My last girlfriend said that she was a relationsip type of person. I said, "Me too! A lot more lay, a lot less shun or a whole lotta ship!"
I treated her like laundry. If she was dirty enough, I'd throw a load in.
She told me, "You don't need to wear a condom. You're only the second guy I've ever been with." "Yeah but who knows what your dad's got."

Answer 3

A man was sick and tired of goingto work every day while his wife stayed home.


He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

" Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.

I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man'swish.


The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.


He arose, cooked breakfast forhis mate, awakened the kids,

Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches,

Drove them to school, came home andpicked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners

And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping,

Then drove home to put away the groceries,

Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.


He cleaned the cat's litter box andbathed the dog.

Then it was already 1 P.M.and he hurried to make the beds,do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.

Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework,

Then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.


At 4:30 he began peelingpotatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.


After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. He was exhausted


And, though his daily chores weren'tfinished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.


The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, Lord,

I don't know what I was thinking. Iwas so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."


The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned

Your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.


You'll just have to wait nine months,though. You got pregnant last night."

Answer 4

A 3-legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin for the man who shot my pa." (paw)

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding along when Tonto got off his horse. He put his ear to the ground and says, "Hmmm...buffalo come." The Lone Ranger asks, "How can you tell?" Tonto says, "Ear sticky."

Answer 5

OK....read aloud....

A blonde walks into the library and says to the librarian, "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries".

The librarian is quite puzzled and tells the blonde, "I'm sorry, but this is a library."

The blonde is quite embarrassed by this, and turns bright red from her mistake, she turns to the librarian and whispers "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries".

Answer 6

type in TOSC on youtube and watch the first video that comes up :)

Answer 7

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xE5N52V3IRk&mode=related&search=

Answer 8

Q : what's that wrinkly thing on grandma?

A : grandpa !