I know this girl she is 27 and I'm 29, right now she is in final stage of her divorce and been separated from here husband for almost a year. I like here a lot and I know she feels the same way....she told me so and all the body language signs are hard to ignore. I've made my intentions very clear and she didn't resist but now she is telling me that she is worried because her divorce isn't done and she wouldn't want to loose me as friend...what does she mean by that?
what can I say to make her feel better about this?
her husband is no issue...as a matter of fact he is already dating seeing someone else for 6months. She couldn't care less about him....and he is the one who is dragging his feet with signing the papers.
I just got out of a 5 year relationship back in October my self
when I was in the relationship I didn't see her often, only at social events with plenty of friends around including her husband who also is my friend
she told me that she is not ready for relationship yet
I was cool about and understanding, i backed off a little but we talk all the time, catch a movie or a dinner on occasions....she tells me everything about her divorce
just last night when we talked I told her that I'm waiting for a friend of mine to give me a ride, and she says "I wish you would have call me , any time you need a ride just give me a call''
is she trying to get closer to me after telling me about a month ago that she is not ready and she is confused?
back then she was thorn and little hurt by the divorce but since than her husband turn the divorce into an ugly battle field and now she hates his guts
what is going on?
Is it a good idea to give her something little for V-day? And what would you give in this situation so it wont make you look to pushy or desperate?
Also as I stay out of town all the time is it appropriate to give here something way ahead or after the 14th or it doesn't matter?
2007-01-26 05:23:54 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
ok, I know some of you might tell me she needs more time, but she has been separated form him over a year and hardly see him anymore....
would she be more willing to jump both feet in if the divorce is final?
2007-01-26 05:32:43 · update #1
First of all, I would definately give her a valentines gift, perhaps 3 roses in a vase, nothing to big, but let her know you care. It sounds to me like she is unsure of a relationship right now, she wants one but is afraid it won't work out then she will not only lose the relationship, but will lose you as a friend as well. My suggestion is to just keep being there for her, let her direct where things go for awhile. Once the divorce is done and overwith she will have a lot less stress on her and may open up more to being with you. I would definately give her a call if you need a ride, sounds like she wants to be close but is afraid to show it just yet.
2007-01-26 05:34:56 · answer #1 · answered by Kevin J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She could very well want something more but at this state she is still legally married to another man, I am a woman and I can tell you that anything can and will be used against you in a divorce hearing. Men? Well boy's will be boy's as the old saying go's. Just give your lady friend so time don't let the ex-husband use her relationship with you to get into the way.There truly is a double standard in divorce court.She may also not be ready to have any kind of relationship beyond friendship. It takes some people longer to get back into the whole dating scene.
2007-01-26 05:34:35 · answer #2 · answered by Pamela V 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a situation that is a little similar to yours, but I am dating a married yet separated guy. I'm still trying to figure out what to do about my own situation, but to give you some advice, it seems clear she is not looking for anything serious, since she clearly stated she is not ready. It's hard to say what is going on because I do not know all the details, but backing off would be your best bet. Don;t have any expectations and don't call her as much. Act busy. You may want to get her something like a card if she means that much to you, but don't get any jewelry or anything like that. See if she hints around about v-day. It may be easier to wait until the divorce is final so see where this is heading. Good luck!
2007-01-26 05:32:53 · answer #3 · answered by just ask 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to back off and be her friend first and foremost. She is going through a lot right now, and the pressures of starting a new relationship, while ending another is just too much. Keep things friendly, kisses on the cheek, hugs, etc. Be there for her but do not pursue anything other than that until she sorts these things out with her divorce and life. Valentines day, get her a card, a sweet one, and mention several times how much you care for her and respect her and that you will always value your FRIENDSHIP with her and that you will always be there for her, then she can make the move if she wants
2007-01-26 05:32:15 · answer #4 · answered by Cute Stuff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you would want to make sure she is still feeling the same way about you the way you feel for her. She needs time to heal also. She has alot of fresh wounds that she may need time to get better. Call her not too often for she may think you are being too pushy. You should get her something before and after to make sure she knows you are there. Let her know you are always goingto be around when she needs you, but fall back and give her breathing room. She'll come around then.
2007-01-26 05:33:41 · answer #5 · answered by TASHA J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She just needs some time. I'm sure she's afraid that she might be hurt again. Just take things slow. It would be really nice of you to do something for her for Valentines Day. Perhaps you could suggest to her that you have a 'friends Valentines Day' where you sit around talk, play board games and watch movies (not romantic ones...silly ones like "Casper"..."Then and Now"...Disney movies) order out for pizza and bring a box of candy for the both of you to share...make it clear that the candy isn't just for her that way she doesn't feel that your trying to get her to move to fast. You may find that just a 'friends night' together is just what she needs. Good luck.
2007-01-26 05:39:48 · answer #6 · answered by little_chipmunk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Though I do not have experience in this exact field. I know from my own similar experiences...just let her know you are there for her...if she knows your intentions, and how you feel..then you do not need to keep reminding her of that...but rather let her know that you can support her, and that you are there for her if she ever needs to talk, or vent, or whatever else she needs to do in regards to the divorce. Things happen for a reason, and time does heal...so if you are the one there supporting her...then she will heal faster and it will only bring you two closer together. There is nothing wrong with getting anything for her for V-Day...flowers are always good...not too pushy..but depends what she likes too I guess...even if you just take her out for dinner or something...something sweet...hope this helps...sorry that I cant speak from direct experience...
2007-01-26 05:33:53 · answer #7 · answered by thelittlevoice_16 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me she is alittle hurt by her marriage disolving.
We women go thru a wide range of emotions and u need to
give her time. Being her friend helps alot, it gives her someone to vent to. Yes give her a dozen roses and not red try pink, and
watch her face light up. She just needs to feel special right
now and not feel like the victim. Boost her ego and watch things
start to take off. Shes morning her relationship, its just not
the marriage but the life style too! Good Luck!
2007-01-26 05:34:47 · answer #8 · answered by Nanniekc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a small token gift (no lingerie) and a sweet little card would be cool. Be supportive but not clinging and she will see this as a big plus. you both sound like rebounders so be careful and take your time if it is to be it will relax have fun and see where the sparks come from good luck
2007-01-26 05:32:05 · answer #9 · answered by Art B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, obviously she likes you but she just doesnt want to rush into anything. I didnt even read the whole thing and I can tell by the way you talk about her that you two like eachother so just go for it! Hey, you only live once!!
2007-01-26 05:32:46 · answer #10 · answered by Shay Shay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋