I feel like writing to "Ms.Manners"....In the past someone brought a gift to my baby shower that was used - severeally dirty stained used - They ended up leaving before we got to gifts so they werent there at the moment....I do not mind useable used things, hand me downs ect...But I dont think they should be given as gifts -Am I wrong? I am now living in a different area around different people. My daughters 4yr old birthday party is coming up. Im tring to prepare myself of what to say if someone gives her something very very noticable used....What do I say to the giver?
2007-01-26 04:38:05 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
some ppl do it because thats all they can give some just because they dont care. either way what you say wouldnt change what they do, but might change your relationship with them. i would leave it at thank you
2007-01-26 04:42:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Depends if it's only 'used' or 'dirty stained'! I'm all for good quality used gifts... recycling and re-using things is very important, all this consumerism leads to a lot of waste and pollution. If something is good quality and clean, and it's something considerate that you and/or your daughter can use, then I think it's great! Say thank you and teach your daughter to recycle and re-use too. :)
However if it's *dirty and stained* I don't think consideration came into it with the giver.... unless they were quite bad off (you'll probably know, after all anyone coming to your baby shower will be at least a bit of an acquintance?) they were probably the tacky kind of people who wanted to get rid of some old junk. Etiquette and good manners may demand to say 'thank you' to each and every gift but I think there is a time to tell etiquette and good manners to go for a trip around the block.... I wouldn't go quite as far as to tell them off but I wouldn't send them a thank-you note either if it's such a careless, inconsiderate gift. Double-check their financial situation if in doubt -other answers were right, if it's all they can afford and their heart is in the right place, they do deserve a polite thank you and maybe you can even remove the stains or use it as play-clothes!- but if *they* were the ones who started with tacky, just toss the thing and don't say a word. And next party invite more considerate friends.
2007-01-28 01:31:15 · answer #2 · answered by Sheriam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must simply thank the person, and include them in the usual stack of thank-you notes, as if their gift were just as fine as the others. I have no idea why they would give dirty things (gently used items show a desire to give despite an inability to splurge), but it sounds more than a little insulting to me. If indeed the gift was meant as a slight for whatever reason, then you must show them nothing but kindness in return, thus making yourself the bigger person. Then either throw the gift away or give it to charity (after a run through the washing machine).
Dealing graciously with guests and gift-givers, thanking them both verbally and in writing, and donating to charity teaches your daughter some of the most important lessons in life: dignity and love for others. She probably won't notice the state of the gift or that it's missing from a pile of presents.
However, this is something that has never happened to me, and I don't think it's a very common situation to find oneself in. Don't worry about a reoccurrence.
2007-01-26 07:06:16 · answer #3 · answered by Mysterious Gryphon 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Say "thank you." That may have been all that the person could afford to give. I know in my life there have been times when money was very tight. A gift, no matter how inexpensive would have been impossible. The gift is the giving, the fact that someone did care enough for you to come to your party and celebrate your baby or your birthday as the case may be. It is not about what was in the box.
2007-01-26 04:54:00 · answer #4 · answered by Rabbit 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
In this situation, it would be just as rude to make some mention as to the fact that the gift was obviously used.
Perhaps, if you see this from the same person on several occassions, and only if you KNOW that the person couldn't afford to buy a gift and so gifted you with the used items, you could mention to them along with future invitations that no gift is expected. It sounds like the person who brought the gifts to your baby shower was definitely embarassed about the situation themselves, so they probably couldn't afford a gift at the time.
Otherwise, we just have to let these things pass. There's really no polite way to mention them.
2007-01-26 04:59:29 · answer #5 · answered by JenV 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Say thank you and leave it at that. Perhaps the person is rather poor and did not have the money to purchase new....but with stains, that I don't understand. At least it could have been washed out in the wash basin before giving it as a gift.
Manners, good or bad, it takes all kinds of people
2007-01-29 03:43:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most gracious thing to say would be thank you. Perhaps the person is unable to afford something new and really wanted to give a gift anyway. To say anything other than thank you would be to risk embarassing the giver, which is one of the biggest etiquette faux pas a person can make.
2007-01-26 06:59:21 · answer #7 · answered by wisegirl1204 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Say "Thank You." As the saying goes, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth (to determine its age, etc.)" Maybe that's all they can afford to give. Maybe they left early out of embarrassment because they could not give something better. Birthdays are not about raking in the loot. Teach your child some manners, too -- by accepting gifts with grace. You can always toss them later.
2007-01-26 04:48:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I don`t agree with giving second hand items as gifts. To be polite all you can do is thank the person for coming. After they are gone you can do what you like with the gift.
2007-01-26 04:55:09 · answer #9 · answered by Hamish 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would be rude to say anything other than "thank you" or "that was very thoughtful"
Someone used to do that to me all of the time (she has since moved away). She didn't have a lot of money, but really wanted to give something. It's the thought that counts.
If you say something, especially in front of your daughter, she will learn to not appreciate everything she receives.
2007-01-26 06:49:34 · answer #10 · answered by Jane 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Depends how well you know them- if it'sa co worker that you invited out of courtesy and don't know well enough to know that she'd give a used gift, say thank you and be done. You'd rarely get a surprise like that from someone you didn't expect it from, like a close friend.
2007-01-26 04:49:10 · answer #11 · answered by Taddy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋