What else can I do about the girl who lost my son?

Question

At church Wednesday night I went to drop off my son in his class and found 5 , 3year olds in the classroom by their selves. I stayed until the teacher came in and I asked "Where were you???? These children were all alone!!!!" She told me that she left them with a girl who apparently left. I found out this girl is only 10 years old!!!!!! Then I didn't want to leave him but another teacher came in and helped and said they would keep a good eye on him. There was only 7 kids so I said OK and I checked on him though out the service. When I went to pick him up he was no where to be found and I freaked. I couldn't find her either and when I did I asked her where he was and she said" I thought you picked him up already!!!!" I then told her she was shouldn't even be teaching. I then searched (with everyone's help) and 15 minutes later we found him.I then was confronted by a member saying I mad this girl cry. I said sorry then went home. I called the church yesterday I told the

pastor in charge of the children's area that I never want to see this happen again and she said it's because they need more help so I told her I would start helping. I was wondering if this was enough or should I do more? Should she get in trouble?

She also told me that something must be done about him running away. He is only 3 and he has a slight learning problam.

She also told me that something must be done about him running away. He is only 3 and he has a slight learning problem.

Oh and the reason she left is to change her shirt.

The teacher is a 19 year old and I made her cry not the 10 year old.

Answer 1

OK, first of all, you need to know that I can totally understand why you were upset. Your 3 year old child had been lost and the girl teaching had left to go change her shirt leaving a 10 year old in charge. That was wrong and it needs to be delt with.

The next thing you need to know is that when it comes to churches the rules change a bit. It is not like at school where we can say hey he should have been in class and he was not so what do we do now. There are ways to handle these things and they need to be handled properly.

You were wrong to make her cry, even though she had lost the child, you needed to just get your child and go when she did find him, and then call the church pastor or the The Sunday School Super who ever was in charge. Please keep in mind I am still on your side, what she did was wrong.

Now when you left your son, did you inform them that he does have a slight learning dissability? This is vital to know because when you discuss it with them they may bring that up.

Please do not feel attacked by me. That is not my intention. I am the mother of a special needs child and have been battling for his rights in church as well as school and other places. What happens though, is that in a church they don't really have a set of rules, I should say in most churches because our church does now, but i remember when I was a teenager, they were laxed on some things. You will also find that some people have been going to the same church for years and they will protect one another till the end of time. Sad but true.

The girl is young and the job is a volunteer Job. They have training classes for Church teachers, but it is nothing like what we see in the schools. Most churches are not equiped to handle children with special needs or behavior difficulties, and they don't have the people they need.

I think as for as offering to help you did the right thing, but keep in mind you are going to have to rebuild that bridge of trust with the girl, and I don't mean kissing up at all, but there is probably going to be a bit of tention there.

I can understand you getting angry I have done this countless times myself at the school. It was the words you used that may have been damaging.

Now let me tell you that you are only human, and that you were upset and sometimes we forget to choose our words carefully. Your child was missing, I would have been raising cain too. It is hard sometimes in these situations.

Well good luck and I hope everything goes well for you. I am sorry that this happened.

Answer 2

Your church is ultimately responsible for your son's welfare when he is in any nursery or classroom. You need to go to the pastor immeadiately with this. The person in charge of the room needs to be dismissed if she is a paid teacher or not allowed to teach if she is a volunteer.

I was a sunday school teacher for the three year olds at our church for several years, before they switched to paid help. Doing that ensured that we could get help that was proffessionally trained and responsible for their charges. As a volunteer we still only released children to people on their approved list and later switched to a ticket system- the parent drops of the child, a numbered ticket is issued that matches a number taped to the child's name tag. That way no one can memorize old numbers or randomly pick up children.

That your church is so callous in the whereabouts of their children is alarming. They need to address your concerns immeadiatly. If they don't I would suggest calling the police. This is a case of negligence and child endangerment.

As for making the girl cry, most likely she realized that she was in the wrong as a lot a young women do, turned the tears on automatically. She shouldn't be teaching, and the church should know their teachers well enough to put them in the right places. That another member confronted you after the trauma you suffered is absurd. I would look for a new congregation because this one has lost sight of its priorities.

Answer 3

That sounds like a very frightening experience! I have a 4-year-old and can imagine your feelings.

As for whether the teacher should get "in trouble" - in trouble with whom? Yes, she messed up, but she is a volunteer, so there's not likely much you can do other than what you've done..
It sounds as if the children's program needs organization. It also sounds like you have already done the best thing by agreeing to help with the class. You are able to serve the church and keep your son in your sight all at once. If you would like to take it one step further, maybe you could organize some sort of training for those helping with the children, and help the church could get some guidelines in place.

Answer 4

This one is tough. I know at my church we're always short handed, but that's no excuse.

I've taught preschool before (3's) and I know that if that had happened to me I would have been in serious trouble, if not lost my job. I know fro experience it can be difficult to watch each child at every moment (especially since some do run away), but that's why I used to take roll call constantly!

Maybe they need a sign in/out sheet for parents who pick up? I'd be worried about somebody taking my child unauthorized since nobody seemed to know whether or not he was picked up.

I'm sure the girl does feel awful and it was kind of you to apologize, although she really owes you and apology. Maybe you could suggest that on days where there isn't enough help older kids (like a teenager's class) could come and help out with the younger ones?

Answer 5

You did not overreact...I would have done the same thing. Especially if it took FIFTEEN MINUTES for several people to find my child in a church! That's horrendous. Good for you for volunteering to stand up and help. Maybe you can organize more of the church's youth (teens though, not 10 year olds, that's too young!) to help out on a rotating basis of some kind.

As far as the girl you made cry (I'm assuming it was the 10 year old) she is just not old enough to be put in charge of that many youngsters. She could probably handle 1 max. The organizers of child care should NOT be leaving her in charge of more than 1 child for any length of time on her own and should be warned that they may be leaving themselves liable for a lawsuit at best, and child endangerment at worst if anything happens to any of those kids!!!!

Kudos to you though for not just yelling but recognizing a need in your church community and standing up to pitch in!

Answer 6

So sad, it's nice that your helping...but what if a caring parent like you isn't? What happens then? I think that the pastor of the program needs to step up...if there is not enough help, then stop the program. Thank God, none of those kids were seriously hurt. And what about the "teacher" who left them with a 10 year old? I would think about that, most 10 year olds do not have the skills needed to keep 5, 3 year olds safe! Good luck and good job for volunteering!

Answer 7

i would call the police or go to the police station and file a report and have her background checked. i also wouldn't put my child in that class with her ever again. go to the pastor of the church and file a complaint . too.your child could have been killed or kidnapped. i would probably start looking for a new church where my child would be safe

7 3 year olds and two teachers is plenty. they aren't short staffed

why did she need to change clothes. you never leave small kids unattended. you change after the last child is picked up and why would you need to change at church thats stupid

Answer 8

first of all, it must be illegal to leave children of that age alone. 10 year olds are legally not able to babysit for anyone, the legal age is 12 or 13 years to be able to babysit. I would think that this is child endangerment, any child could have choked, fallen down, or run away. If anything it is neglect. I would report it to the local authorities before someone actually gets hurt or leaves out a door while being unsupervised.

Answer 9

In my opinion, it doesn't sound like they were that short of help, if 2 people cant watch 7 children in a nursery than there is an issue, I would got to the head pastor/minister of the church and let him know what happened. I believe that, that was completely uncalled for. Good Luck!

Answer 10

Don't let the fact that this happened at church cloud your judgment, Get the woman in trouble!!! What if your child had gone outside and gotten hit by a car?? It's her job to watch the children in her group and she doesn't do a very good job!! Next time it could be worse!!