Me and my girlfriend have been gong out for just 1 and a half months and already im starting to mess things up. so much has happened to her in her life and all i want to do is help her. But when she is upset or depressed all i do is make things worse, i say all the wrong things, and none of the right ones. I myself never know what to say in these situations and always say the wrong things, i try to say what i feel but it doesnt work that way. She has asked me what was wrong a few times when i was depressed and i said nothing, she found out and now i know she doesnt trust me, im so worried im going to loose her and thats not what i want, she is everything to me and ill do anything to improve myself, any help greatly appreciated, thanks
2007-01-26 03:09:23 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I believe that women sometimes don't need an answer, they just want to know that you are listening and caring. The male always tries to give a logical answer which usually ignores the emotional needs of the girlie. Just be there, cuddle her if she wants and give her space. If you love someone set them free. Don't think that sex will provide the answer and comfort she needs. Understand that the female hormones sometimes dictate behaviour that even she doesn't like and can't control. You and me are not 100% perfect so don't expect it from her. Just love the good bits (if its a big enough % for you) and ignore the warts.
Hope this helps. Regards
2007-01-26 03:21:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Life is tough.
If you get upset because you've hurt your g/f, that means you're a good guy not a bad guy. If you were bad then you wouldn't care. You are NOT messing things up, they were already messed up.
However, since she also asks about you when you're feeling down then she cares about you too.
Now, to be fair, she has no right to dump her past horrors on you, but you have no right to be depressed at her because you think you're messing up.
So, you both need a good shaking :-)
Solution: In the short term you both need to agree to be up-tone, sit down with her and say that you love her (do not go into any of the depressing stuff), and you're happy being with her.
You need to both agree that you're not going to dwell on the bad stuff. Then book an evening meal, just the two, buy her nice stuff. Do not try to "cheer her up" because that starts with the assumption that she's down. Go to a stand-up comedy store. Have some fun.
This can and will work for a short time but you do both need a longer term handling. I'd recommend finding your nearest Scientology place and doing the "Success through Communication" Course, if you do it together it will handle a lot of the problems simply by improving the communication between the two of you.
Whatever you decide to do, good luck.
2007-01-26 03:30:53 · answer #2 · answered by replybysteve 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, slow down.. not everyone is good at giving advice or are good listeners.. If you dont know what to say and your afraid it might be the wrong thing and she is upset, dont say anything.. just give her a big long hug and hold her.. make her feel safe, and loved.. sometimes when you say nothing, it doesnt mean you dont understand or are ignoring her.. but if you feel that what you are going to say is going to upset her even more, give her physical attention instead of verbal attention.. see how that works.. you might also want to know more about what upsets her and what shes been thru.. sit down and talk.. ask questions.. how will you know if you dont? tell her your not being nosey, but your trying to understand her better..
Good Luck!
2007-01-26 03:19:23 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok me reading this he still loves you because he is seeing you all the time and friends obviously dont do that. He is visiting you becasue he misses you, and you are right he dont wanna looose you again like he already did the first time. Next time you see him, tell him "do you love me or not, and if you dont, dont see me anymore" .. He is probably going to say no because he wants to move on with his life, and find someone else, or is just mad that you are in college and is afraid you are going to cheat on him, but again if he says no at that point leave him and move on. You have a whole life to live, and it seems like he is wasting your time right now. But if he says yes say with him. Start over a new leaf right now, if he is not right for you, there will be other guys in the world he would treat you more.
2016-05-24 01:56:00 · answer #4 · answered by Jean 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1 its the thought that counts, im sure she knows this.
2 you shouldnt change for anyone, you will only become someone else
3 it takes two people to make it work.
4 its only been a few weeks so you really need to relax and let things happen as they should. dont mug yourself cup cake!
good luck but remember its better to spend time on the shelf that in the wrong cupboard!
NB im not gay, i just read that back to myself sounds a bit camp bit still good advice haha, oh well!
2007-01-26 03:17:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you beating yourself up about it, chill out and be yourself she likes you for who you are, stop trying to fix it simply tell her that she can trust you and you are always here to listen, if she wants to talk, explain to her you care about her and you won't judge her no matter what it is then sit back and wait, but remember if she does come and talk to you listen and help her through it don't advise her on your opinion and most importantly no matter how bad it is or shocked you are don't judge her.
2007-01-26 03:22:50 · answer #6 · answered by Sandra F 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this relationship is to new to be trying this hard ,sit back and listen the reason you feel as though you are making every thing worst is because you don't have the info you need.Again this is new it seems as if she just needs someone to unload on and its you, you do not distrust people who are trying to make thing easier for you in a supporting manner. prepare yourself she is already gone
2007-01-26 05:54:29 · answer #7 · answered by rainoffmat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if she goes into one again the best you can do is say nothing and just hug her, it's a bit early in the relationship for her to be bombarding you with her problems, you should both be having fun, if she won't accept hugs from you then just leave her alone till she's got over herself.... but you seem like a nice bloke...say nothing and just give her plenty of hugs
2007-01-26 03:42:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes it's best not to say anything at all just let her know your there for her, and involve her in anything that may be worrying you so she doest feel like she's the only one with problems.
hope you sort things out x
2007-01-26 03:15:47 · answer #9 · answered by Mrs.H 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
yeah what he just said there is no right or wrong way and situations like this are tough I was like that my boyfriend he couldnt say the right still dosent really, but i have learned to grow up thats what she needs to do your not God
2007-01-26 03:24:24 · answer #10 · answered by Happy 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋