Mother giving me a guilt trip?

Question

My husband has a job offer in a city about 3 hours away. It would mean a big pay increase, which would be great for us. My mom is giving me an awful guilt trip. How can I get her to be supportive instead of "I guess I'll just pray hard that you won't move". I mean, come on, it's only 3 hours away. She's making me nuts. How can she be so selfish instead of glad we have this opportunity? Any suggestions how to make her understand that this is a good thing?

Answer 1

You can't, besides talking to her to remind her your are grown,m adult and own your own and she should be happy for you instead of complaining, she needs to realize you have left the nest. you have to do what you need to do.
Besides she has to respect your marriage and judgement, at least you are not with a sorry, lazy, unemployed, convict, drug using, baby daddy, mudering, wife beating, using man.

Answer 2

Sometimes mothers are just overly protective of their children, no matter how old or married they are. Will this be the first time you will be a substantial distance from her? You could be moving 45 minutes away and that would be too far. Are you very close to your mom? See her often, drop in visits, go shopping together, have dinner? If so, she knows that 3 hours away, that is going to change, and before you have even packed a bag she is already missing you. Your asking her to let go and that is a very hard task to undertake. When you took your vows of marriage you became committed to a new life. Which you are entitled to live and prosper the best way you know how. If you and your husband have decided he is taking this new job? Do you very best to try to be understanding how she is feeling.

Suggestion: Does she have a computer? No, then get one set up for her. Offer to pay for internet service for her for say 6 months.
You will be able to visit with her everyday. Share pictures, set up a web cam you will actually be able to see and talk to each other.
Once you have made the move, make it a point to have at least a visit or two a month for a while. Call her, often, everyday maybe twice. Ask her for help with your new house, include her in the hunt for a new house.

She is afraid you will move away and she will be less thought about or forgotten. You need to reassure her that she will always be on your mind. That no matter if you are right around the corner or 300 miles away she is important to you. She just needs to know that she is still going to be apart of your life no matter where you live. She'll come around. Just don't exclude her.
You know we nurture our children as they grow, well as grown children, we have to nurture our parents. Be kind, nuturing, sensitive, understanding and most of all loving. It will all work out, you'll see.

Answer 3

Guilt Trips

Answer 4

guilt, isn't it a horrid thing?

several years ago we had the opportunity to move to the northlands. my husband's parents said 'go, do what you need to do for your little family, your career.'

my mother said how ungrateful we were to leave her after all she had done for us, [which by the way was nothing], and if we left she would never speak to us again.

we took the move, my husband's family, our friends, everyone was so supportive and sent us off with a great deal of encouragement. they all come to visit on a fairly regular basis and we have a good life. we own our own home, something we couldn't afford in the city, our kids go to good schools, my husband loves his new position, and i am now able to work part time instead of full time.

mother? never 'forgave' us. she lives by herself with no one to blame but herself. her bitterness and negativity throughout her life are cold companions now, but she still will not let them go.
its unfortunate, but it is her doing.

in closing, don't let your mom do this to you.
explain calmly and quietly that it is a good move for you and your husband and children and you hope once she gets over the initial shock she will understand that.
tell her you love her, you will miss her, but it is only a three hour drive and you will be glad to have her visit. you can keep in touch via phone and email. give her a kiss and a hug and get gone!!!
wishing you the very best in your new home.
s.b.

Answer 5

My wife found the job from sacramento to Bakerfield it 4 hrs drive and it her job and she got the job and her mother didn't want her to moved donw there and my wife though about not want to take the job. I told her ok is that most pay than anything she siad yes then I guess we need to moved down there and she agree and her mother was so mad didn't want her to moved because she didn't like her other daughter and grand kids she love my wife and kids. so I don't care.

Now it been 2 and 1/2 years and my wife want to move back to Sacramento that fine with me we moving soon but after 5 years we will be moving to Washington state, my wife going for PH D.. so I know her mother will want to move up there with us... which is good so she don't have give my wife hard time.

Let your mother know that well you going to have to accpet that and move on and I married my husband and if he got the best pay job and that is our opportunity, again mom you are my mother no matter what i am only 3 hrs away better than 1 or 3 states away from you smiling.

Answer 6

I agree, guilt trips are what some mothers do, live your life, it is not that she is not going to love you if you move, she just wants to know that you will miss her and that whatever relationship you two have now won't change. Guilt trips are a defense mechanism that mothers use, myself included and you too will use on your children, its a mother's right (don't tell the other mothers I told you this). God Bless.

Answer 7

Guilt is the most worthless commodity available. You are giving your mother permission to lay it on pretty thick. When I was much younger and my mother tried to make me feel guilty about something I told her that I am not buying, so pack it in. She was hurt at first, but got the message. You can't change her, but you can change you. Best to you and your husband.

P. S. Many mothers (Jewish ones especially--I know) go to a secret academy to learn how to make their sons or their daughter feel guilty about anything, make their lives miserable, and all in the name of love.

Answer 8

i'm an only daughter, so when i moved away with my fiancee - my mum found it really hard. before i left we had a big conversation about why i was going. after i moved i made a big effort to call her every day, or write her letters just so she knew i was still thinking of her. it was hard at first but it works out. don't worry, it will be worse if you stay for the sake of your mum - ultimatly you won't be happy and you need to think of your relationship with your husband. you mum will understand.

Answer 9

My mom used to do that crap to me all the time too. I found the best way to deal with it is to just tell your mom that you love her and that you need to do what is best for your family. She'll probably be stubborn but eventually she'll come around. If she is mature in any kind of way she will eventually respect you for your ability to make a tough choice in the face of adversity. Things were rocky with my mom for awhile because of things like this, but in the end she now respects me a lot because she sees that I think for myself and make decisions based on what I think is best - not based on the influences of others. I hope she comes around for you. Good luck!

Answer 10

Acknowledge her concerns but you need to go and do what is best for your own family. Offer to either come see her or pay for her to come see you. Your mother will adjust in time.