I would like my b'f to get me an engage ring that I like instead of a plain silver band he got me. How ??????

Question

He is german and proposed at christmas and gave me a plain silver band. It looks like a wedding ring and people keep giving me funny looks when they ask to look at my engagement ring. I would love for him to get me a proper one but how do I ask him. I love that he got me a ring anyway am just fed up with it looking like a wedding ring and not a traditional engagement ring. I don't care if it costs very little - I have simple tastes but I am a traditionalist and want people to notice that I'm engaged. This silver band will always be special to me but it's not a proper engagement ring so my family don't think I'm really engaged!!!!!!! Hope this doesn't sound shallow. I love him to bits and wouldn't want to hurt him in any way. Should I just stay quiet or explain that in england engagement rings traditionally have a stone in them. Honest - it looks like I'm already married. I don't care if it costs very little - I have simple tastes anyway.

I knew to some people this would seem shallow - it does to me and I can't explain why I feel this way. I was married before to a violent and abusive alcoholic and it just seems important to me that my family see I'm now with someone who values and loves me and intends on making a commitment. Maybe it's not even about the ring at all but about my past! I love this man with all my heart and would never want to hurt him. I guess it's just my insecurities. I do not want a big rock!!!lol I just wanna feel special is all and it took me ages to decide to post the original question knowing that I would be judged as petty and shallow by some. I appreciate all your answers. Have decided to keep my mouth shut and be grateful for what I have - a man who loves me - I would rather die than hurt him. I don't have other people to talk to so needed the input from you guys. Thanks again.

Answer 1

How close are you to this man? Trust is built on honesty which forms a relationship.

I completely understand your point. Try to take a step back and think to yourself why do you care so much what other people think. Maybe your family dissapproved of your last partner who you state was violent.

I guess second time round the man and the relationship means more to you. You must have had your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. We all have some insecurities and all blame a new love for things an old one did. We all cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Cherish every second you have with this man. You dont really need a ring to prove to you he loves you as he has already asked you to share the rest of your lives together. Materialism aside, I do understand the meaning and tradition aspects for which you may desire a ring with stones. Talk to him. He loves you. Find a way you know how to gently bring it into conversation. You say your tastes aren't expensive so surely he should be pleased you ask for another engagement ring for valentines. Let him accept it as a complement to your unity. Speak out now or think how your future together may be. Imagine married life with you being submissively unhappy because you are afraid to be open and honest with a man who is supposed to be closer to you than anyone else in the world. Be gentle and i'm sure you wont hurt him. It's not like you are rejecting his gift, just wanting to be closer and ur unity to be stronger.

I think you ought to seek counselling also because what you must have suffered with your past partner must have been terrible. Perhaps this is why you are so nervous and anxious about upsetting your fiance or perhaps you dont want to let him down as you know how it feels to be on the recieving end.

Good luck with it, God bless xxx

Answer 2

Well, to be honest, it does sound shallow. I do understand how you feel, but who cares what other people think? If having a diamond is what you really want, then buy one for yourself. It is the thought and the love that counts, so the ring you already received is wonderful. Perhaps you can have the ring you were given turned into a traditional looking engagement ring.

Answer 3

it probably is a case that it is different in germany.
And the ring really isn't the be all and end of all getting engaged.

i would perhaps say to him in a very calm way about traditions over here perhaps being different to in germany.

I think you need to discuss it because something like this is important. Just through discussing you may find out why he chose it and what it means and may even decide it is better. but i don;t think you want to start off engaged life by not talking about stuff like this. It sounds like it has been building up and up in your head.
the sooner you can talk about it the better it will be. otherwise you will end up screaming it at him if you have an argument which definately won't help matters. Thinks like this always come out in the end because it means so much to you.

it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks at the end of the day.

Answer 4

Yes, a plain band on the left finger USUALLY signifies marriage. And, no, wedding bands do not have to have diamonds. In fact, a lot of times the engagement ring has diamonds and then the wedding ring is a plain band worn on the same finger with the engagement ring. BUT, there have been times I've known people (especially young girls) to wear a band on their left finger who are not married. It's just the finger the band fits.

Answer 5

Well, it does sound shallow. You said twice you had simple tastes, but your explanation doesn't sound like it. You have to get mature pretty fast if you are going to be married, and part of that is being happy when you are asked that very special question from his heart and he offers you a ring to seal the deal. It would hurt him terribly if you were to say anything to him! Think a LOT more about him than about yourself, now.
If you badly want a diamond, just buy one yourself and wear it as a dress ring (But don't pass it off as an engagement ring); that may satisfy your "need".

Answer 6

Don't make this a big problem.After all we should live for ourselves not for what people will think of us You can start this topic by saying"I love this ring.Actually in our society we get this type of a ring only as a wedding ring so all love to have a look at this one cos its something special and out of our tradition.Some say it Doesn't give the real hint when they see this cos they mistaken me as married."(please watch your facial expressions and say it as if you don't mind it.)Simple this is enough to open up the topic.Better open the subject as someone else stated.Then you are always on the safe ground.I am sure you can continue the topic from here.If u get an answer the way you wanted then you are really lucky.If not just leave it and enjoy the other things he has ahead for you.'Hey i think you have way too many other real things to worry about than hanging on to this that has nothing to do with your true happiness.

Answer 7

I can understand your feelings and that you want a traditional engagement ring, but i think if you say anything to him you may hurt his feelings as he probably thinks his got you the perfect ring. Soon you will be married anyway and you wont need to show that your engaged. Maybe when you choose your wedding band you can get one with a stone in, just be a little different and back to front.

Answer 8

yea your right that did sound shallow, if you really loved the guy it wouldnt matter what the ring looked like, its supposed to be the feelings and thoughts that go behind the ring that makes it special, not a diamond or and other stone.

some girls dream of being lucky enough to even have a bloke, i think you should be thankful and stop moaning because your ring is plain and stop thinking about what other people think, at the end of the day being engaged and due to be married is about you and your fiance, not you and everyone else.

Answer 9

This is a touchy subject. I suggest asking for a traditional engagement ring as a wedding ring. Then you get both, but you've sacrificed by waiting until the wedding. When people ask, tell them you decided to be untraditional and have that more expensive, flashy ring saved to be the one that carries the most importance.

Answer 10

I see your point there....being german or any other nationality does not make any difference to your engagement. unless you both go to the jewelers and tell him to let you do the choosing and it would be just like buying a wedding ring. You seem to be a sincere sort of girl.. If he went to the jewelers by himself and left you to talk to your family and friends.....I have some ideas and I hope they wont upset you. It is possible that he did not go to a jewelers but the ring was his mothers or a former girl friend. He could not afford a more expensive ring. Or he did go in and he was embarassed because the jeweler glared at him. Or he did not think that you were all that special.