My almost two year old gets into crying whiney spells how can I break this cycle?

Question

He does understand the concept of timeout so recently I have been sending him to the timeout couch where he stays and just cries it out, but i need a way to head off the whiney behavior without reinforcing it,because it is becoming the norm at least two or three of these crying fits a day. With my girls who are older 15,13 and 11 and now a 20 month old boy I stayed home and took care of them and do not remember them having quote this many fits. Husband though has been out of work with broken hip that wont heal after first surgery and taking care of our baby boy. Husband has same personality as the baby (or vice versa) Husband very high strung type of guy...and apparently my son is too. He can be funloving and laughing and then just turns to this cranky whiney boy, and this is after a good nap. I am a seasoned Mom of 4, so only mothers or fathers with kids please answer this question, those who are experienced. I have tried loving him and hugging him which only reinforced the behavior.

I ran out of room but I have also tried spanking him, but only once. I do not spank my kids except when they are in two and three year old range and only to snap them out of a fit (which usually works) or when they are touching harmful things like light sockets or stove or roads....I popped him on the butt last evening when he started this uncontrollable fit and it did no good this time so spanking for this is not an answer and it makes me feel like crap anyways. Im a really passive person so I can take more then most of the crying,doesnt get on my nerves like it does others but Mom is coming to stay with me next week because I have gallbladder surgery and she is not used to babies crying and throwing tantrums so much.Need to nip this is the bud in less then a week! lol

Answer 1

I have a 4 yr old that does the same thing. When she starts, I just ignore her. Yes, that sounds mean, but I have learned that any reaction that I show her is just what she wants. When she finally learned that she wasn't going to get any attention, she finally stopped crying, screaming, etc. She only does it every once in a while now. It will take nerves of steel at first, but if I can do it, anyone can. When he starts, don't look at him or talk to him. He wants the attention and your giving it to him, even just by putting him in time out. When he realizes that he's not going to get the attention, weather negative or good, he'll soon stop. Good luck!

Answer 2

Has he been like this for a long time or is it recent behaviour? Mine get like this when they are getting a virus or something but if he is like that all the time, then it can't be that. I would try distraction. The second he even looks like starting to whine, find a way to distract him. Take him for a walk, read a story, sing a song, play a game, go outside and throw/kick a ball, sweep him up and tickle him, get him to help you bake a cake. Anything to divert him.

Also, consider the possibility that your recollection of time when you older 3 were babies is not 100 percent accurate. They may have had their whiny times as well but you can't remember them. I think there is a tendency for mums to block out a fair bit of the yucky stuff. Otherwise no one would have more than 1. I have 5 kids with a very large gap between my 3rd and 4th children and I found that I had forgotten many of my early mothering experiences. My daughter can remember things that happened when she was 3, that I can't.

Good luck. I hope it's just a phase.

Answer 3

Well honey Im happy to say this is probably just a phase and will pass!!! I am the mother of 2 girls and have never raised a boy but I do have a nephew the same age as your son and he pitches some of the biggest fits you have ever seen!!! My girls did the same thing. It will be better I swear!! Good Luck to you! My advice on this deal is to let him have his fits and dont let him see that it bothers you. Stoop to his level and tell him in a normal tone that this is not acceptable behavior and as long as he is acting this way then he will not get to do fun things. Yelling makes you feel so much better believe me, I know! But its an attention thing and as long as he isnt getting any excitment out of you he will no longer think this has an effect on you and will eventually stop!

Answer 4

Hi,
You say that these crying spells are after a nap? Does he cry upon waking up in the morning? If so he may just might not easily wake up--some people are like that.
Or he may be waking up before he is completely rested. Try some soothing music (like Chopin) during or immediately before his nap (this works with my 2 year old grandson).
Something else that we do with ours: Find a toy that he loves to play with, something that doesn't take too much physical energy like blocks or a sensory toy--something he really enjoys playing with. Put that toy away and only give it to him when he wakes up, it will keep him occupied until the crankies disappear. Just make sure that after he is running around like two year olds do that you put the toy away out of sight and out of reach.
One more thing- change is hard on babies. All of a sudden your husband is home and requiring a lot of attention, attention that your child probably had before your husband's surgery.
Good luck!

Answer 5

I have a 3&1/2 yo & a 2 yo and I think that you need to be very consistent and make sure hubby is doing the same thing.

I try so hard to ignore tantrums with my own kids and that does SO NOT WORK.

As soon as he comes out with a whimper put him in his time out until he calms down then find out what the problem was and tell him the appropriate way to handle the situation then have him practice it. He doesn’t know how to handle disappointments until you teach him.

If he’s wining for a drink say “no whining”. “Use your proper voice” have him say “drink please” without whining and then praise him for acting appropriately. This may take over an hour to accomplish the first time. But the next time it will only take 30 minutes.

If you and hubby are diligent then this should be over in three days (that’s been my experience anyways).

Answer 6

Father of Three. Grandfather of Two: I go straight to what hurts `em the most. Take a Toy, away from `em. (Hubby too) LOL! Let them know that they can't have this Toy, when they act that way. But I do still believe that "Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child". I'm Old-School Ma'm. I was brought up with spankings. Not beatings! If you can keep it to spankings. I think you're within your Rights to punish them correctly. (Hubby Too) LOL! Good Luck. And congratulations on being Blessed with a Loving Husband and Children. It's nice to see someone being proud of `em!

Answer 7

Hello there I have 2 kids myself 1 who's 5 yrs my daughter n the other who is 8 yrs old my son.One thing I have learned is all children go through stage after stage after stage n sometimes it only lasts 2 wks n other stages can last 1 month.I have found with my daughter hugging her was enough but with my son who had terrible temper tantrums in public had to b handled differently.When he started that, I ignored him cuz when I did pay attention to him when he was like that (good or bad attention) then he worked with it.He then felt oh mommy is coming to me when I act like this so I'm going to keep acting like this lol...God he would make my head spin cuz he would freak bloody murder when I wasn't even near him but I kept on ignoring him n finally he got the jist and stopped behaving that way cuz he knew that I wouldn't give in to him anymore.I think what works for one kid might not for the other so u have to keep on trying .Honestly though it will change.I would have to say give him his time out n ignore him u could get him involved and get a timmer for him to hold on to when in time out or a book to get him to stop or just ignore cuz that was hard for me but it did work after 2 wks.Good luck n if u want to know more things to do IM me anytime cuz I even went to programs to learn that I wasn't the only parent that is going through this that every parent in this program had gone through this at one point or another and it was good for getting ideas when u run out of your own.Ciao 4 now

Answer 8

It could be that something is physically wrong with him,
or he could think that something is wrong with him (does he go
to the doctors with your husband/both of you?) The terrible
two's are testy, and are not the same as with any other child.
My daughter threw tantrums, raged, and was whinny till the marvelous age of 4. My son whinnied a little, but was completely
the opposite. It is irritating, but try to ride out the storm so to speak. (This reaction is also found when a low grade ear infection or hearing dysfunction is present.)

Answer 9

My son is 23 months old and we just ignored him and let him throw his fit and when he was done we would ask if the baby was okay!! and make him feel like a baby instead of a big boy after a while he stopped!!

Answer 10

Spank them