My 8 yr old daughter still prefers to sleep in the same room as us saying she's afraid to sleep alone in her r

Question

This despite our having a maid keep her company through the night,she throws tantrums upon being asked to sleep in her room.She keeps repeating that she is afraid to sleep alone eventhough we monitor her watching tv & making sure she does'nt see any horror shows .Any suggestions that would make her feel more comfortable in her room,as for example changing the direction of the position she sleeps in,or hanging some patterns etc. in the room to ward off bad dreams,putting some particular colour's night lamps in her room colouring the room with fancy patterns or the like?

Answer 1

Awwww she loves her parents.
Let her sleep in your room.

Answer 2

It's not uncommon for a child of 11 to be afraid, especially at night. Talking through her fears with her would be very helpful, especially if you can help her rationally realize that she is safe. Also, some fears may be valid (e.g. a fear of fire at night) and you can make a safety plan with her. Leave a piece of yourself behind in her room (a family photo, perhaps?) and allow her to ask for you. Go to her and reassure her, but be sure she stays in her room. The more she does stay in her room, the more confidence she will have in herself and her safety. Sometimes kids just worry excessively at night about daytime issues. Give her a box, a pad of paper, and a pen. Tell her when worries pop into her head, she can write them down and put them in the box. That way, if she needs them in the morning, she can think about them again. Some kids do well with a pet as a nighttime companion. The pets can keep them company and also help children gain confidence because they are responsible for someone else.

Answer 3

it is just a fase im 17
and i went through it until i was 10
im sure it is just a faise

or what you can do is keep a calander
get some star stickers
and everytime she sleeps in her room
she will get a star on the day she did it
and when she goes 4 days with getting stars
she can go out and buy a toy(take her to the dollor store they have little dolls are cool toys for under $5)

and if that doesnt work then there really might be a problem, and you could go to a doctor, see if they can help.

if she has any windows in her room
makesure she has blinds over them and make sure she knows that there is a lock on her window(im guessing there is)
make her bed far enough away from they window so she feels safe
or maybe the closet is scaring her so set her bed far away from there

also she might think things are under the bed, so maybe get some plastic boxes to put under there nad you can use for storage too(like dolls and doll clothes) so she knows there is no room under her bed for boogie monsters
and lastly is maybe someone at school is telling her scary stories and scaring her

well hope this helped sorry it was so long and good luck!!


ADDED ON:

i didnt mean like go to the doctor for like medication or ANYTHING like that, just incase you thought that. i ment to see if they can help you out with figuring out what to do.

GOOD LUCK

Answer 4

It's a phase. But, I really think you need to do everthing possible to get her into her own bedroom.
She's old enough to sit down and talk about it and ask her what would make her feel safer at home. Explain to her (if you have a house alarm) that you guys live in this safe bubble with this alarm and she is completely safe. That she's very luck you guys have an alarm on the house and she needs to learn how to sleep alone b/c she's a big girl now. As a positive thing, maybe get her involved in re-decorating her big girl room. Buy her a couple night lights? And see if that works.

Answer 5

What about asking her WHY she feels unable tosleep in her bedroom. Then asking her if there is something that you can do together to sort out her room, not the maid, you her mum. Maybe she justs wants to feel that she is safe in your company. Don't let her watch TV in her room keep that for something in the lounge area , make sure she goes to bed before you and is asleep before you. Let her sleep with the light on perhaps and gradually turn off her light and turn on the hall so she knows it is still safe. A Dream catcher is something you could use and tell her what the story beind the dreamcatcher is all about . Research it together on the internet.
Give her a set bedtime.

Answer 6

it is just a fase im 17
and i went through it until i was 10
im sure it is just a faise

or what you can do is keep a calander
get some star stickers
and everytime she sleeps in her room
she will get a star on the day she did it
and when she goes 4 days with getting stars
she can go out and buy a toy(take her to the dollor store they have little dolls are cool toys for under $5)

and if that doesnt work then there really might be a problem, and you could go to a doctor, see if they can help.

if she has any windows in her room
makesure she has blinds over them and make sure she knows that there is a lock on her window(im guessing there is)
make her bed far enough away from they window so she feels safe
or maybe the closet is scaring her so set her bed far away from there

also she might think things are under the bed, so maybe get some plastic boxes to put under there nad you can use for storage too(like dolls and doll clothes) so she knows there is no room under her bed for boogie monsters
and lastly is maybe someone at school is telling her scary stories and scaring her

well hope this helped sorry it was so long and good luck!!


ADDED ON:

i didnt mean like go to the doctor for like medication or ANYTHING like that, just incase you thought that. i ment to see if they can help you out with figuring out what to do.

Answer 7

Sorry for not having any imediate / miracle solution...
...I don't think there is one anyway, as well as simply changing the light or position of things won't help that much,
especially if she trully is scared!

Have you talked to her about WHAT is she scared of exactly? (she's old enough to be able to tell you that)
Have you seen any kid's specialist?
Sometimes they can really help figuring out if it's REALLY fear (to know how to fight it), or if the kid's just insecure, or if they are just "confy" used to sleeping with someone and just don't wanna stop and know that freaking out they get their own way.

8 years is a bit late for not being able to sleep alone, but even more for throwing fits...
Does she throw tantrums in any other ocasions or only at sleeping time?
So many fits do NOT come from fear or pain though.... many times we gotta hang there and let the kid see we're not gonna give in!

If it IS fear and you guys can figure out from what (books & doctors might really help with good ideas how to deal with it), if it is something like the dark, or monsters / thieves & stuff, no redecoration of the room would help. (only thing I've seen / used that helped with younger kids was night light and baby phone... she might be too old but if she's afraid of something you can leave the baby phone and tell how you can hear her if she's in any trouble and how you'd come right away?)

If it comes down to that she's just making excuses
(even BEFORE they start TALKING kids already start testing their parents, and if they see that they can manipulate / control their parents in ANY way, they WILL--nothing bad about the kid, but it's US who have to put our foot down and show them what's acceptable and what's not!!!!)
then you gotta make sure to stay tough and NEVER break your rules and routines. Kids need some rules and definitely need routines or it'll be tough for them not to turn out disrespectful / lazy / irresponsible / spoiled later on (believe me, it will NOT be easy to have a teenager at home who from early on could get easily what he / she wanted!).

I don't know your or your kid or how things are at your place so sorry if anything I wrote has nothing do to with your specific case...
In your place I'd figure out first of all if it's really fear or just a phase (and I think it's just a phase, even if a little old for such a thing--so I wouldn't even let the maid sleep with her, foot down!)

I can only add, keep your PATIENCE, stay TOUGH, see a doctor if you feel that you've tried everything you've read everywhere, and I hope you can solve this real soon somehow so she can sleep alone and peacefully!

Good luck!

Answer 8

maybe she is afraid of the maid.

I think if she is that afraid, there is probably nothing physically that can be done...in terms of room decor. If her bed is really big, that could be scary. It may be helpful to have her bed pushed up against the wall. That may help her feel a little secure. Honestly though, I have to say, the only thing that will get her to do it is repitition. If you sit with her while she falls asleep, can you leave her once she does. Check on her through the night, and think in terms that it may be that waking up alone may be scary for her. How much time does she spend alone? Does she ever just play alone in her room. She may need to get comfortable being by herself. As a person who has many of my own adult sleep issues, just be sympathetic to her and ease her into doing this slowly. If she gets through half a night, then praise her and push her to a little longer the next one...and so on and so on.

My neice is 15 and has never slept alone in her life. Due to life circumstances, she has either had no other choice to sleep in the bed with her sister or just chosen to. (even as an infant.) By the time she was 12 or so, and life was a little better...meaning she had her own bed, nighttime was stressful, because if neither her little brother, little sister or older sister wanted to sleep with her, she would get hysterical...until one of them would. I must say, it took a few years and many stressful fights at bedtime, but she finally sleeps in her own bed. I am sure maturity has a lot to do with this, but reality for us was...we couldn't blame her for feeling scared. We were trying to force her to do something that she never did before. To her, to sleep alone was inconceivable. If you ever slept in a strange place or house...and remember how uncomfortable falling asleep was, she was dealing with that every night. She just never learned how to cope, because she never had to. When she finally had to learn how...she did.

Children are resilient, and your daughter will learn when she is ready. You just need to put her in a posistion to need to learn.

I would also explore the maid issue. You never know what a child's real issue could be.

Answer 9

All kids have fears and you need to address the issue now.
Ask her why she is scared, what scares her and ask her what you can do to help her make her room feel more comfortable. Maybe the maid is not the person she feels at ease with. Try to get into a routine such as reading stories, cuddling with her and just being there until she falls asleep.
You may also want to have her input as to what she would like to do with her room such as paint colors, posters and definately heavier shades that keep the light from casting shadows into her room. Get a night light that maybe spins designs around the room so that they also don't create shadows. Find her a bedtime pal such as a special bear or stuffed toy.
You need to make her feel safe so that she can deal with whatever scares her. Take care!
P.S I have to disagree with jiggy as I don't feel punishment is the way to go in dealing with your childs fear. Fear is a legitimate part in a child's personality or could just be part of who your child is. Work with them and not against them.

Answer 10

my son is also 8 and was having the same problem we told him that he could sleep in our room with a sleeping bag it took about a week for him to get sick of sleeping on the floor so he went back to his room he likes to have a flash light and we keep his bedroom door open we also moved his sister who is two in to his room he said he is not scared because he is the big brother and if he has to he'll protect her so maybe try the floor even at such a young age the floor is no as comfy as the bed

Answer 11

I am sorry to hear your problem with your daughter. I a mother of a four year old. I am not sure the remedy I have will work with you or not as there is age difference between your and my child. My son always cries to sleep in bed with me and my husband. Sometimes I give in and let him sleep with me when he is sick and that makes his demand more stronger the next night. I think firmness is very important because children are very smart. My son is scared of monsters in his room. I close all the closet doors at night and tell him that the monsters are locked up and can not come out. Sometimes he calls for me in the middle of the night to take him in my room. I tell him to pick between coming in my room or loose TV privilege next day. If he picks to sleep with me then I don't let him watch TV ( in your case going on computer for older child can also work). You have to stick with your punishment. If you cave then they know your weak spot. Usually after that he prefers to sleep in his room than to loose watching his favorite show the next day. I have managed to stop him calling me at night with same tactic. I hope it will work for her. Give it a try.