My girlfriend is going through a bad patch at the mo. How can I help her feel better about herself?

Question

She suffers with depression and also BDD, body dismorphic disorder. She hates herself and thinks she's fat and ugly. She lost her job just before christmas but is scared of having to start another one and she has stopped going outside on her own because she feels afraid. She is on medication and she see's a therapist but itts not really helping.

Answer 1

Well, to start with she should be happy for having such a supportive bf.You are just going to have to keep reminding her, how much you love her, and how beautiful she is to you.I know you already do this but just keep telling her that. Hold on to her alot.How long has she been seeing her therapist? These things do take time. Is she on anti-depressants?It is not really a god idea to go back to work until she is feeling a little better. You hang in there panther,things will difenitly get better.You tell your gf she is a very lucky lady.To have someone like you. I will be praying for you both.

Answer 2

All you can do is be there for her mate it is hard to do the right thing as unfortunatly no matter how much you want to you can not wave a magic wand i kind off know how you feel my wife had a really bad time of depression and i could do nothing to help her it makes you feel useless but just being there helps the medication she is on may not help atall get her to speak to her GP and go along with her if she is ok with that then you can give doctor a better idea what is happening to her and maybe ask for a different therapist. Be strong for her and just do your best and be there when she needs you that is all you can do she needs reasurence in life all you can do is help her find it if u need anymore advice or just a chat about it e mail me i know it helps to talk and people often forget that its not just the person who is ill that get affected

Answer 3

I can really sympathise with her and she's lucky to have you. Its terrible when people feel so embarrassed or whatever that they drop you like a hot potato.
And thats a cr*ppy time of year for anyone to lose their job. It really is a bit too soon for therapy and meds to be working so hang on in there.
When I'm in a bad patch (I get panic attacks and depression) it really helps me for people to carry on normally, talk about normal stuff. I guess that won't suit everyone but its reassuring to know that life goes on, and they see me as the same person. I don't like it when people tiptoe round on eggshells.
And treats are nice. Little stuff makes a big difference when you're low. Just a candlelit meal, a bar of chocolate and a dvd to watch, that kind of thing.

Answer 4

This is going to sound bad but her problem is probably the fact that she is focusing on all her problems too much. She needs something else to think about, maybe meeting someone in a worse predicament will put her own troubles in to some sort of perspective. Maybe, if you are ready to you could propose, to show her you love and accept her just the way she is, plus then she would have that to focus on instead,they take a lot of planning!!!!

Answer 5

If the depression is continually getting worse, you may need to consult your therapist about an acute inpatient facility. I work at one in Oklahoma, and we see this scenario often. Also, watch for suicidal/homicidal ideations. If these are present, get her to a safe place right then and there.

Answer 6

i could say don't get too in contact. we are in a position to all too easily get caught up with the subject concerns of our important others. ultimately she is going to ought to make the choice to settle for herself, it could additionally basically be hormonal. you may properly be there once you opt to be, attempt to no longer substitute into her therapist yet pay attention once you could lend an ear. attending to in contact with attempting to "fix her" ought to reason you a great style of frustration and feeling helpless. possibly she'll style via each little thing while she's waiting. we've a tendency to furnish those issues greater existence and interest then they deserve, have you ever tried basically doing something to take her techniques off of her problems particularly than speaking it out all of the time, the latter might properly be emotionally draining and particularly circumstances people basically ought to occupy their minds.

Answer 7

I feel for you and your girl because its something really hard for you both to live with i can imagine. She's lucky to have you for a start as you obviously care. I'm no expert but i can imagine all she needs from you is a lot of love and attention.. and patience. Is there anything you can do to take her mind off herself like take her to her favourite places or do something shes always wanted to do but hasnt yet.. i dont know if it works like that? Good luck hon. My thoughts are with you, be strong!

Answer 8

You need to be really supportive Even if she is driving you crazy. Hopefully she can find another therapist who can help her. I have problems in this area and the best thing for me was to find a counselor I trusted and really connected with.

Answer 9

Be there for her, reassure her. Maybe if the therapist is helping she needs to find another, sometimes a change helps. Also talk to her doctor about reviewing her meds.
Good luck;

Answer 10

Managing Stress

Swami Sukhabodhananda
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One youngster comes to me very depressed and asks this question "Why is God creating so many difficulties for us? How to handle stress?" I tell this youngster to reflect on this beautiful story:

A man goes to a shop, picks up a beautiful cup and says "my god this cup is so beautiful" and suddenly the cup starts talking to the man. The cup starts saying "O man, I am beautiful right now, but what was the state of my being before the pot-maker made me a beautiful pot?

Before I was sheer mud and the pot-maker pulled me out of the mud from the mother earth and I felt why that pot-maker is so cruel, he has separated me from mother earth. I felt a tremendous pain. And the pot-maker said, "Just wait." Then he put me and churned me, when I was churned I felt so giddy, so painful, so stressful, I asked the pot-maker "Why are you so cruel?" the pot-maker said, "Just wait." Then he put me into a oven and heated me up, I felt completely burnt. There was tremendous pain and I asked the pot-maker "Why are you so cruel?" and the pot-maker said, "Just wait."

Then he poured hot paint on me and I felt the fume and the pain, I again asked the pot-maker "Why are you so cruel?" and the pot-maker said, "Just wait." Then again he put me into an oven and heated it to make me more strong, I felt life is so painful hence pleaded the pot-maker and the pot-maker said, "Just wait." And after that the pot-maker took me to the mirror and said, "Now look at yourself". And surprisingly I found myself so beautiful.

When god gives us lot of trouble, it appears god is very cruel but we need patience and we have to wait. When bad things happen to good people, they become better and not bitter.

So all difficulties are part of a cosmic design to make us really beautiful. We need patience, we need understanding, we need the commitment to go through in a very calm and wise way. So all difficulties are not to tumble us but to humble us.

With this understanding, let us not be against difficulty. Understand difficulty is a part of a purifying process. A purifying process at present which we cannot understand and hence we need faith and we need trust.

Let us understand how to handle stress with this background. You can be affected by stress from two angles. There is an internal stress and there is an external stress. Nobody can avoid stress; one has to only manage stress. Managing stress can be internal and also external.

The internal stress is; your thoughts can create stress, your values can create stress, and your beliefs can create stress, meaning thereby your stress is coming from your mind more from the outer world. Many people suffer not from heart attack - they suffer from thought-attack.

For example, when somebody says you are an idiot, we get so hurt, we get so victimised. My boss has called me an idiot and I am feeling tremendous pain. Now where does this stress come from? If my boss has called me an idiot, I have to ask myself "am I an idiot"?

If I am an idiot nothing to be upset about; and if I am not an idiot, then also nothing to be upset about! It is the perception of the boss. But why do we suffer from that stress? I suffer not because my boss has called me an idiot but because of the thought-attack.

I may say the boss has called me an idiot; therefore I am suffering? It is true that the words are unpleasant. But what hurts is the interpretation of the unpleasant word. The thought in me interprets. That is pain and therefore it becomes pain. Much of our stress is our mind interpreting it as pain. So we suffer from thought-attack more than heart attack.