About a month ago I was offered an amazing job opportunity that would require me to move a 2 day drive from my home town.Two weeks ago my husband of 5 years was diagnosed with an agressive form of cancer and his doctor has strongly discouraged moving at this time.Both our parents and brothers have been made aware of the situation and are willing to do whatever it took to get him through it,I have made arrangements for him to get the best medical care possible and I'll be able to afford to fly back to visit him every second weekend once I get settled in.Problem is,he doesn't want me to go.I hate having to leave him right now but this opportunity is simply to good to pass up and if I did I know I'd regret it for life.I know if the situation were reversed I'd understand so why is he being so childish about this?Why won't he just compromise?I leave in two weeks and I just don't know how to get through to him.Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
2007-01-25 21:33:56 · 23 answers · asked by Possessed By Love 1 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Cancer
You must prioritize your life. I understand what you are saying but your husband is going through a very difficult time in his life and though you think you understand, you don't. That isn't your fault, you haven't had to go through this and you couldn't possibly understand without having had gone through it and thank God that you haven't. As I always say, Ignorance is bliss and believe me this is one of those times where that stands true if any time. Your husband, based on what I am reading, probably doesn't have a cancer that you fear is something that can't be dealt with and overcome but even once it is overcame that won't be the end of it. He will, for the rest of his life, fear re-occurrence...every single day of his life. At this point he is probably terribly trusting of his doctors and comfortable with them and couldn't imagine moving to find another one. At the same time he doesn't want his soul figure of identity and love and hope and strength to leave him alone (that would be you). No one could take your place to him so no wonder he doesn't want to compromise. You say that not taking this job could be a move that you would regret for the rest of your life but think of the regret that you would feel if you lost your marriage because of it or even worse, God forbid, you were to lose your husband on down the road and you realized that you lost such precious time with him. When we are gone, no one will remember how much money we had or where we worked, what kind of car we drove or what kind of house we lived in. All they will remember is who we were and how we lived. How do you want to be remembered? Be with you husband, love him, understand him and sympathize with him.
2007-01-26 14:34:02 · answer #1 · answered by Jenna 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think you are the one being selfish and childish here not him. Your husband needs you there. Those vows you took "In sickness and in health"...where does it say "if it doesn't inconvenience me or what I want"? It doesn't. Your husband cares about you (at this point why, I don't know), but you need to consider what he is facing down the road - weeks, months ahead...medical tests, chemotherapy, being sick...and your not being there would be telling him that "honey, I can't deal with this". Well sister, Wake up. You need to make a choice - do you love him enough to support HIS needs Not yours, to tough it out or would you rather be labeled by your family and his perhaps forever and known as the one he couldn't depend on or count on when the going gets tough.
He needs your love and support and knowing that your there with him could possibly be the best thing for him. There will be other job opprotunities, call the company and explain to them what the situation is..the decision is yours.
My father passed away after a 2 yr battle with esophageal cancer, and my parents had been married for 37 years!!!!
2007-01-28 19:02:59 · answer #2 · answered by violinmemories 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Most marriage vows say, in sickness and in health. Obviously, you value your career, more than your husband.
Your options are:
Take the job, and fight with your husband and family, while they talk about how heartless you seem to be, since he's pretty much dying.
Stay at home, and write off this job opportunity, resenting the fact that your husband is dying, and you are missing out on this great job.
Tell these people hey, you know what, I'd really like to be considered for this job, Submit your resume' and say, I really like the job, but my husband is sick, consider me in a year or so.
Divorce.
Okay, so choose.
Good luck. I think a synopsis of your statement, "My husband has an aggressive form of cancer...he doesn't want me to go...If I passed up this job, I'd regret it for life...why is he being so childish?" Speaks volumes.
I'd suggest some kind of counseling for you. Either you've shut down, and written him off, your marriage never was founded on..what was it founded on? Or you have some kind of disconnect about what (married) life is about.
2007-01-25 22:54:45 · answer #3 · answered by A Military Veteran 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Honestly...you think your husband won't compromise and is acting childish? Take a look in his position. What would you do and how would you feel if it was you who had cancer, but he decided to leave you for his own interests, such as this job offer. Wouldn't you feel betrayed, alone, disgraced, unloved? I'm sure you would. If it were me, I would have let my employers know of the situation, and ask for a compromise or just let them know your husband is very ill, and needs you. Work with them on it.
In the meantime, maybe you should review the terms and bonds of true love and marriage. "In sickness and in health, til death do us part" I may not be married, but these types of things are something that you should think about and hold dear. Perhaps you should remember why you married him, why you love him, and why he married you, and how he would treat you if this ever happened to you.
2007-01-28 08:52:48 · answer #4 · answered by Maico 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Putting the 'husband with cancer' issue aside for a moment.
You said that both sets of parents and siblings have "been made aware" of the situation. And said that they are "willing" to do whatever to get him through it. But have you ASKED them if they WANT to do it, have you asked them what THEY **REALLY** think of you leaving during such a time of need?
Let's just put it this way: Imagine your mother. She has just been diagnosed with breast cancer that has spread to her lungs and liver. Her prognosis isn't certain death, but she has ALOT of fighting to do for a chance to live. BUT your father has just been given a chance to be on the next space shuttle (racing team, Mount Everest climb, fill-in-the-blank - you get the picture; his lifelong dream) In order to do this dream, he must go train for several months, but he will be back every weekend to visit with your mom.
Yes, I'm sure you would be willing to take care of your mom. I'm sure you would do everything in your power to comfort her, dry her tears, hold her over the toilet while she vomits, bring blankets when she shivers with fever and cold, encourage her when she wants to die because the side effects make her wish she were dead. I know you would do all those things, and more. But don't you think that your mom would be more comforted if you AND your father were there.
Cancer patients face more than you could ever imagine. The look death in the face. Worse, they face a long, painful, sorrowful road of fighting for their very life. When you married this man, wasn't it for better or worse? Sickness or health? Richer or poorer? Seems like you are facing all of those things right now. BTW, vows and commitments - not choices.
I wish your family the very BEST of luck. May God bless you all - you have some rocky, but beautiful roads ahead. Make the most of every single moment.
2007-01-26 05:48:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you have experienced a life event that has caused you to be de-sensitized to certain emotions. Your husband is dying and wants you to be with him. You need to stay by his side. Just being very sick with a high fever is scary but this man is DYING. He needs the person he loves by his side. Explain why you didn't take the job and ask for future opportunities and a good recommendation. They will respect you for your decision. If you run off and leave your husband they may decide that you could do it to them to. Take a deep breath and forgive yourself and do the right thing by staying with your husband during his time of need.
2007-01-26 00:03:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Possessed By Love??
When you married your husband, you agreed to for better or for worse. In sickness and in health. You were saying that if you don't take the job, you know you would regret it the rest of your life. Well, I think if you don't stand by your husband and your mariage vows, you will regret it the rest of your life. After all you have the rest of your life, He DOESN"T!! Marriage is a holy bond between a man and a woman. If you don't surrender your own wants, now at your husbands time of need, love, and support, then I don't see where God will see the need to Bless you in your time of need!! Think about what you're considering and take it to the Lord in prayer. He will answer and bless you if you listen to Him!!!
Seek Christ,
Itchy
2007-02-01 10:41:10 · answer #7 · answered by itchy 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are absolutely stunning and not in a good way. Marriage should be forever and through sickness and health. You already have one foot out the door. Put yourself in your husband's shoes if you can try. Would you want him to see you every 2nd weekend if you were that sick and scared? If you are truly so selfish that you can't see what your place is, do your husband a favor, let him fight his battle and recover in peace and find a real woman to marry. And do mankind a favor, don't YOU get married or have kids EVER. You disgust me.
2007-01-27 08:51:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I've read all the answers above, and notice the unanimity in the responses. Our challenges either build character or reveal it. Your husband isn't being childish--you are. Times like this are when a FUNCTIONAL family stands together. You are dysfunctional and need to seek professional help. You are absolutely wrong. Remember, you asked the question, and in the multitude of counselors there is safety. So get your act together.
Best of luck
2007-01-26 04:29:35 · answer #9 · answered by Dorothy and Toto 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh my god. I think there are no people become selfish than you. If there are a poll for "most selfish and heartless people in the world", I will be the first one who will vote for you more than 10000 times. Your husband is the most unlucky people in the world because he have a wife like you.
Your husband get a malignant disease and he may die in a short time, but you want to leave him for a job? Where is your goodness of mind? You love the job more than love your husband?
2007-01-26 15:20:23 · answer #10 · answered by cshong1987 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋