Have you fostered a child?

Question

I am a thirty year old single woman and I have been ready to have a family for years but I have not found a man to share my life with. I earn a good salary, could work part time, and would like to guide, nurture and care for a school-age child. I'm seeking advice from anyone else who has done this.

Answer 1

There are a number of places where you can get information on fostering. I belong to a few on-line support groups that you might find helpful. The links are below.

I was in foster care for ten years and have been a system activist since 1999 and I feel there are a lot of common misperceptions out there about foster kids. You will undoubtedly hear horror stories about foster children who are out of control. There are a lot of kids in care who have problems. There are a lot of kids NOT in care who have the same level or worse problems though. A good friend of mine who is an adoption expert and adoptive mom always says that if you want a perfect child, you have no business being a parent to anyone.

Realize that the things you hear about foster kids will be true...in some cases. There are kids reacting to abuse and neglect that most adults would never fathom, kids reacting to their trust being violated by birth and foster parents and kids who have lost hope of ever being loved behind most of those stories. It is sad but true.

The thing you must keep in mind is that it is not too late for most of those kids if they find the right family and a supportive environment. I would encourage you to visit www.elevate2inspire.com to see what some of these kids can turn into when loved and mentored. Elevate is an organization that provides support to foster and adopted kids and teaches them to express their feelings about their experiences via art, poetry, writing and public speaking. The kids in Elevate are making a huge difference in my state's foster care system and some of them used to be the "troubled" kids you hear about. Many of them were abused, spent time in juvenile detention and group homes, destroyed public property, ran away from placements and did drugs. These kids are still not perfect by any stretch but most of them have stopped or at least decreased their negative behaviors since finding good placements and joining Elevate.

Answer 2

I am a foster parent. I do what is referred to as kinship fostering.... because the 2 children I take care of are family, my niece and nephew. It can be very rewarding when you see progress, but also very difficult. The children have been through a trama, and have a feeling of loss. They are angry, and will take it out on you. There are lots of appointments, from therapy to home visits where they come and look at your house, they may have visits with their parents, and much more based on the child.

Sometimes you feel like giving up. The social workers can be very irresponsible. This week I had a home visit scheduled and the social worker didn't come or even call.... this is the 2nd time she's done this. They have so many children that they are disorganized. I have gone to plan meetings 3 days in a row because each day, someone else failed to show and the meeting couldn't happen.



With all that negative being said, it feels good to make a difference. My niece used to have to be in her room all day. She has now hung out with friends, does cheerleading and much more. She seems happier and much more open about her feelings. She is now learning to express herself in a positive way and that the things that happened to her are not her fault. (She's 14)

My nephew has gone to school more frequently (he used to skip more than he went). Although I am having trouble with him skipping still and fighting.

It is a very hard decision that can't be made lightly. Sometimes, despite what the agency tells you, you are on your own. But good luck, and bless you for helping others.

Answer 3

Yes, I would do it...the only problem with fostering is that kids are often moved to different homes, so you get attached, and they have to go.

My little sister was moved around to 11 foster homes before she turned 3 years old, then my parents adopted her. She has a lot of problems.

Fostering takes a really special attentive person. That is nice that you are interested in helping out. They really need love and mentoring.