My son has in the past seen his father hit me and grab me by the thoat (i know I should leave, not so easy)?

Question

anyways, tonight while I was laying down with my son and giving him his goodnight kisses, he grabbed me by the throat...I got very upset, and I told his dad and his dad just said "i dont know"...how do I handle this his dad is useless.
I cant leave cause right now I am a stay home mother and very dependant as I live with a controlling narcissist. btw, my son is 2.

Answer 1

Do you want your son to act this way to the woman he marries? If you don't watch he will. You should leave now.

Answer 2

I am sure half the reply will be "oh how sad do you need a hug", so this reply will seem harsh considering your circumstance, but please read it carefully.

Before I start, I am a father of a beutiful 3 year old daughter so I come from a few shared experiences.

A few questions for you.

If your husband was hitting your son and grabbing him by the throat would you figure out a way to leave him? ... just wait a couple more years.

If your son become a controlling and abusive narcissist when he gets older because of his father example and you could have prevented it by leaving him ... would you figure out a way to leave him? ... you are seeing the early signs already at 2 years old.

If he breaks your jaw? Your nose?

If your son witnesses your death (heaven forbid)?

Look I am not saying that domestic violence should always result in a separation (I am a realist). However if there was no serious mitigating circumstance such as you hitting him first or throwing objects, etc. (sorry you being bitchy doesn't justify being hit or grabbed by the throat) what you are talking about is pretty serious crap.

Forget about toughing it out for your son cause you aint doing him any favours.

This may be politically incorrect (and harsh considering your circumstances) to say, but stop playing the victim by making lame *** excuses why you can't. Find a way. Family, state agencies, consoling, church, lawyers. AT MINIMUM, learn more about your options. You took the time to post this, so take the time to search the net for victim services in your area.

When he hit you he was a coward and many other names I can't say. However you sticking around to and putting yourself and your son at risk you are the fool and asking to continue to be a victim. Now get your butt in gear and do something about it.

When you do leave, be smart and careful about it. Leave when he is at work as an example and get legal advice.

Ps. Once you leave the jerk, I'll gladly give you that hug.

Answer 3

It is easier said than done from a safety standpoint only. The most dangerous time with your abuser is when you decide to leave. Most of the battered women that are killed by their abusers are killed at that point. So, get all your docs, and your sons docs together (ss# Birth cert etc) and go to a shelter. The rest is gravy once you are away, honest. This is also the only way to teach your son absolutely that the way he sees his father behave towards you and the way you accept that behaviore are wrong. Children learn behaviors from observation, and unlearning a behavior is so hard to do that sometimes it is impossible. He needs to see that it is wrong now, not be told, but SEE what the consequences are.
Good luck hon, I have been there myself, and helped others to get out. Just make the decision and go. If you wait for something to happen first, what is most likley to happen is a hospital or morgue visit for you or your son.

Answer 4

I really feel for you, that is horrible. If you do not stop this, he will down talk you all the time, and in the future treat other females this way.....

This may sound harsh But being in a abusice Relationship, with a child only for Income is a lazy Cop out. As a mother you are to protect your child at all times, who knows if he will do this to your Son!!!!!!! GET OUT NOW! If you live in America, you have more choices....
Get on Food Stamps, WIC, Medicaid for him. Get a Job, get Goverment Housing. There are soooo Many different Options. If you have to Live in a Mother safe house for now, that is what you should Do! This is so Dangerious. Your number one concern should be your son!

If you are a single mother, then you have way more binifits! The Gov will even pay for Childcare for him while you work! Get up and research now beofre its too late! God bless you, I wish you the Best, And I will pray for you all...

Answer 5

I feel for you. Been there, done that. And surprised I am here today to talk about it. To cut to the chase honey, it will only get worse. Abusers lack the skills to communicate their feelings. The only one they can and do express is anger. And we take it with all the excuses in the world why we can't leave.The #1 reason being $$. But can you put a price on happiness? And with a child, he will be just like daddy. Daddy will make sure of that. Look at the way a man treats his mother, cause that is the way he will treat his wife. But for the time being, there are two very important things to keep in mind as long as you stay with him. #1, You can not change him. But, you can change the way you respond to him. And #2, remember that we teach people how to treat us. If you allow his physical attacks, he will continue to attack you. If you don't leave, which you should do yesterday! Then make it perfectly clear to him that you will not let him abuse you and if he does it again call the police and have him arrested. He will be pissed but you gotta do whats best for you and that kid. When he gets out of jail, if it happens again, back in jail. It will either make him see the light and stop attacking you or you will have to find another source of income and get the Hell out of there.His fathers reaction doesn't sup rise me at all. I'm shocked he didn't ask you what You did to deserve it. If you love that baby and have any respect for yourself you must put a stop to it now. When he is calm and you can, tell him how you feel and that it can't continue like this. Tell him when he gets the urge to attack you, to go punch a wall or something.His response will likely be, "It's my way or the highway." But at least he will be warned, do it again and I call the cops. At the same time honey, figure out a way to get out of this situation. Where theres a will theres a way. Those who seek shall find. And Please get help. Call an emergency hotline for abused women if this happens again. They can tell you what you need to do and can help get you and your baby on your feet.You are a human being and deserve to be treated with respect. Insist on it!

Answer 6

there are places called women shelters that you can go to they will help you and your son get on your feet. They also provide counseling i really think that you should go there like tonight. the only other option i can give you if you dont want to leave or think that you cant leave is one take a frying pan upside the stupid bastards head or second deal with it i know that sounds crappy but i saw my mom get the **** beat out of her for years i even saw my dad pull a .38 snub nose on her one night and i really don't want that for any other child to see. so as a former child of an abusive father he will one day begin to hit your son you should leave either tonight or one day while he is at work if you love your son you WILL find a way.

Answer 7

Yikes. I wont tell you to get out of that relationship, because you already know dont you? So much easier said than done. I suppose gently repremanding your son would be the way to go. Kiddos follow by example, just love that little boy as much as you can. You may want to think about going to a battered womans home with your son though...how long will it be until that man is violent with your son?

Answer 8

Yes, you can leave. You must leave. Think of what your son is learning. Do you want him to treat other people like that? What if you had a daughter? Would you let someone do that to her?

The average abused woman (and yes, you are an abused woman) returns to her abuser an average of 7 times, before finally leaving or being KILLED by him.

Please go to a shelter or somewhere else where you can get away from this monster. You deserve better.

Answer 9

remind your son that grabbing you by the throat or hitting women in general is NOT okay. Just like you should remind your husband or baby's daddy that its not ok to put his hands on you in that way. I agree that if you don't feel safe in your own home you should leave or at the very least, "put hands on him" and don't give him the power to threaten you like that.

Anyways, my advice is to keep reminding your son that what he's doing is NOT okay and also remind your boyfriend that its NOT okay either. Don't let your boyfriend act that way in front of your son, kids are like sponges at that age, they'll say or repeat any action or verbal words that they see or hear.

Answer 10

There seems to be a great style of rigidity in this dating. i do no longer think a guy ought to ever hit a women individuals, yet i do no longer think of you need to bypass away him for this the two. you probably did beat on him first and for an prolonged time. That does harm somebody down. So, i do no longer condone his reaction, yet I additionally do no longer have faith he's abusive the two. i think of he basically have been given bored to death and did no longer walk away while he ought to have. i think of you prefer counseling and you're able to decide to be prematurely along with your loved ones which you're being an abuser greater desirable than he's.