He says he loves me but doesn't want commitments.
Three months relationship and we're crazy about each other. Everytime we're around each other we can't get enough of each other. He wants sex but i want him to wait, eventhough he thinks that it's nonesence. He is 29 and i think at some point he wants me to be next to him but he is scared of losing his singleness. He has a lot of friends and none of them have a stable relationships and i think by just looking at them he think it's the right way to be. I also think that he's scared of change but he doesn't know that the change might benefit him. Anyway i want serious things with him and want him to make up his mind. And my question is should i just be direct with him about me wanting more out of relationship or should i just give him some more time to get to know me better.
2007-01-25 18:37:14 · 15 answers · asked by blue5349 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
3 months is plenty of time for him to know if he wants more. The bottom line here is that this guy is way too old to be acting like this. He doesn't have to do what his friends do, he chooses to. I don't think he's scared of change, I think he's scared of being tied down and anyone cramping his style. The best thing to do is wait another month or so and bring up the commitment subject again. If by then he hasn't changed his mind, you're wasting your time because he's not going to give you what you. You'll be heartbroken if you invest more time & energy into this guy and he sticks to his no commitment stance.
2007-01-25 18:48:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you 'friends' first? I've been married before, but the husband I have now is my 'husband forever' BECAUSE we are 'friends' first and foremost ... and not 'just friends' but BEST FRIENDS. It may be that he 'senses' somehow that you are not his 'friend' and even though he thinks you would make a good couple, he is 'hesitant' to take your relationship further because he 'really wants' (even without 'knowing it' on a conscious level) to be BEST FRIENDS with the woman he is going to marry. I 'know this can happen' because it is what happened with my husband and I ... while I was busy being 'jealous of the woman who would someday take his friendship away from me' he was finding out that the 'one woman in his life' was his 'best friend' who just happened to be ME. Why I'm telling you this is that you are putting a lot of YOUR 'feelings' onto him, but he is not you ... he is 'himself' and is another 'complete person' ... and by thinking that you are 'pushing him toward a relationship' you may be actually pushing him AWAY. Tell him that you think the two of you need to 'sit down and have a long talk' ... and for you that means that you also must listen to what he is saying as well as telling him what you want ... not just a 'wedding' but a WHOLE AND 'GOOD' LIFE TOGETHER. Both I and my husband had been 'homeless' for a time right before we met, and we've been homeless once while we were married ... and now my husband makes far more money than either of us ever felt was possible, and we both 'know' that it's not the 'money' that matters, but the FACT that we can do ANYTHING if we're TOGETHER and do it far better than we could as two people doing it 'alone' ... so I think that you should tell him that you think you 'want' more from your relationship, but also be able to give him 'time' if that is what he feels he needs ... because that it what it means to be a GOOD FRIEND, and you really do 'need that' before you can find out how to be a good wife.
2007-01-26 02:51:26 · answer #2 · answered by Kris L 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a bloke's perspective, I can understand where he is coming from. I'm 43. Until I was in my mid-30's I was more interested in blokey sorts of things such as my car, my house and time away either shooting or fishing.
Yet other blokes have settled down many years before then. Some have pumped out two kids before they're 25. I think it is simply that some guys know early on when they want to settle down or not. As for me - I'm rediscovering the bloke sorts of things I did when I was 25 so for people like me, theres' no hope at all!
I'm not sure it is a choice that a bloke can make except over the passage of time. Out of the two options you have floated, I would suggest the latter. That way you might get a better idea of when he is likely to seek something more long term.
Note I said 'when', not if. I sense that all blokes want to settle down, but its just that our timing might be different to those of women.
That has been reflected in your question where you talk about his friends. I don't think it is about being scared, but timing.
Your third option is to give me a call (eeheheh) :D
Hope it works out. However if your bf is anything like me, you could be in for a fair wait.....
2007-01-26 02:51:11 · answer #3 · answered by somewhere_in_victoria 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think any man that your with should respect you when you say your not ready for sex. A lot of men think that is all a woman thinks about when she is in a relationship, but I think you should wait till you are ready. If he really is crazy about you like you say then it shouldn't be a problem.
Also, I think it is ok to tell a guy that you want more out of your relationship but you have to be careful because guys take us asking for more as being pushy and they tend to shy away from the relationship even when they don't really want to. Some men have major commitment issues. You know I've dated men that for some reason or another couldn't take time away from their friends for me for any reason. I think they don't realize what kind of damage that does to a relationship.
Please take plenty of time to get to know one another before this relationship goes further. If you move too fast, then you may get hurt in the end. Good luck with your future.
2007-01-26 02:47:36 · answer #4 · answered by Cool Callie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants you all right. Right between your legs. This guy is not going to commit to you. It's only been 3 months the relationship is still fresh of course you can't get enough of each other. But as soon as you give in and give him sex you'll see how much he really loves you when he's walking out the door leaving you because he got want he set out to get.
2007-01-26 02:48:19 · answer #5 · answered by luscious0071 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
how long were you together? wait..lemme read again....
oh 3 mo.. well, that's not long.. two possibilities. he has commitment phobia or he's just playing around with you.
"birds of the same feather flock together". think about why this saying came to be in the first place then it makes sense. there's also another one. "tell me who your friends are and ill tell you who you are."
be careful girl, since you say his age is 29, i can say he has alot of experiences with woman and girls like you.
you're mature to ask him to wait before having s**. that might be the case he's still hanging around you. i know alot of guys, after being able to sleep with the woman, they diss her out.. please take care of yourself and not fall into the same fate.
and your first sentence. "he says he loves me". why did you write it like that? it seems that you don't believe that he does love you. he SAYS.
to your question, my answer is neither.. i advice you to get away from him... something you might not want to hear but am afraid that's the only thing that can save you from players like him.
he should be very willing to be in a relationship to be with you if he LOVES you. can you feel that he does? or do you know it just because he says so?
think about what i said girl, good luck!
2007-01-26 02:49:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should be direct with him.You seem very cautious and that's not just something you see everyday.You sound like a good girl with a smart head on your shoulders.Sounds like maybe he's afraid of commitment or maybe he's just a booty chaser like his friends.I trust that you will make the right decision.Just feel him out for awhile and if he sticks around maybe he means business.If not you'll know what it was.3 mths is a short time.Take your time sweetheart!Good luck to you!!
2007-01-26 02:46:40 · answer #7 · answered by lady2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this guy does not sound like he wants a permanent or committed relationship...he wants to have his cake, and eat it too..
let me just put is straight out ans simple : he just wants to have fun with you and any other woman that he finds attractive. ..
You need to be straight forward with this guy, he is not the kind that needs time to get to know you better..
You are looking for a broken heart by waiting for this guy to commit to you...
Do yourself a favor, drop him and start searching for a guy who is truly in love with you, wants you only, and worships the ground you walk on...
Good luck, I have many friends that are guys, are around the same age, and break women's hearts all the time ..what he said to you is a typical line they use with women... I love my friends, but I am so glad I have my wonderful husband!!!
2007-01-26 02:46:27 · answer #8 · answered by The Chesire Cat 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How would you define "crazy about each other"?
Is it purely lust?
Genuine Friendship?
We already know what his version of "crazy" is, and thats--SEX
You've already done great to let him know that a deeper relationship is on your mind.
HOWEVER, I dont want to offend you, but he sounds like once he's had sex with you ---you'll just be "used-up" to him.
But definitely give it time---and DEFINITELY Express to him that you want something MORE. than just everyday infatuation
2007-01-26 02:44:14 · answer #9 · answered by What gives? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get a clue - he is not interested except for sex. Hate to break it to you. Of course 3 months is a bit early for you to be asking for a commitment. Are you sure you are old enough to date a 29 year old? (or maybe legal enough?)
2007-01-26 02:42:23 · answer #10 · answered by Chloe 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋