Why do people with low self confidence have to make other people feel bad about themselves too?

Question

Ok, My boyfriend is obviously insecure. I think he's wonderful and tell him this constantly. He, in return, calls me names and makes fun of the things that I'm insecure about. He's a bully! I tell him that it is completely inappropriate behavior and I'm not going to put up with his crap. The way I see it is that he apparently LIKED how I look or he would not have approached me in the beginning (just 6 months ago!) I'm certain that he has good potential, but I'm afraid that I can't handle his issues. I'm not a therapist! haha! When he makes fun of me I get frustated and say "fine, I'll fix it." "It" being whatever he's picking on at that moment. But then he argues and says "no don't, if you do that then why would you want to be with a loser like me?" my response is always "Because I LOVE you, and that's good enough for me!" I've tried reasoning with him, attempts to boost his ego, and well, crying to be perfectly honest (though I use this when all else fails) What's a girl to do?

Answer 1

misery loves company

sometimes you have to practice tough love. if a child is about to put his hand in the fire you have to slap it to stop the behavior. do you have a high esteem of yourself. if yes why would you let his lashing out affect you? do you believe what he is saying?

next time he starts on a rant ask him, "is this really the way you want to treat me? I love you more than anything but when you treat me like this it makes me wonder if you love me too or I am just wasting my time being with you."

if he uses alcohol or drugs you may need to leave him until he cleans up. you are special enough that someone should not have to abuse substances to be with you because you are fulfilling by yourself. on the other hand you may want to stand by him while he seeks help. whichever you are strong enough for.

in other words, you have to raise your self esteem or else he will continue to hurt you. people can only hurt you with words if you let them. you control your brain not them. nobody can make you mad they can only light the way.

Answer 2

Misery loves company. If he can put you down, you'll feel crappy along with him. He's being passive aggressive. NOT a good sign. You can't fix this thing about him and like you said, you've tried. If you love someone, you don't try to make them feel bad. If anything, you'll lie and tell them things to build their self esteem! lol What your boyfriend is doing isn't cool and in all honesty, you're way too smart to put up with this. Unless you want to end up with an inferiority complex like him, I think you should get out. You've tried telling him how you feel and he just doesn't care. At some point, you have to look at his actions, not him pacifying you by saying he loves you when he tells you what's wrong with you (his lame opinion by the way, not fact!). Dump him and let him work out his little problem on his own. Most women wouldn't be so patient (me, for one!) so don't feel guilty. You've done all you can and he continues to disrespect you. Again, look at what he's doing, not how he says he feels. If he can get over this and you still want him, take him back. The first time he slips back into old habits, give him the boot. You sound like a smart girl, you deserve better than this self hating idiot. Good luck!

Answer 3

Ay ay ay...what a drama king. My advice is bail out. This guy has no idea how to handle himslef let alone how to treat a lady. He needs to figure out himself before he can even consider trying to be with anyone else and dragging them into his intricate web of boy-drama. Some guys are mean to their girls to make them insecure and not want to leave them, other guys are mean to themselves because they know the girl will stick around to try and build them up. Sounds like you got a two for one deal, but not in a good way!

Answer 4

Better give up.

Send him some graphics on his myspace from the list below.
http://www.wishafriend.com/graphics/



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