Whats up guys.. I've been with this girl for almost 9 years, not married, just together. Well recently she's been running into this guy that used to be my friend, but now I don't respect or care for him. The guy and my girl used to be friends as well. Recently they have been running into each other and having conversations. I told her I didn't like her talking to him, because I have my reasons. I am not controlling at all, she can talk to whoever she wants but I told her I don't like it when she talks to him. Of course I can't stop it but I don't like it, any other guy but him. All I asked her was that she keeps it short if she sees him out and about, and yet she can't give me a straight answer, yes or no. Am I being controlling or do I have right to not like her talking to him? ??Not that I am controlling but just some bad past with him.
2007-01-25 16:54:22 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She'll tell me he ran into her in a store and they talked for a few minutes. I told her that I wouldn't appreciate it if they had long conversations, and she said she "can't help it" when he sees her because he will talk to her and she doesn't "want to be rude"
2007-01-25 16:57:02 · update #1
Yeah, you sound a little controlling to me. What exactly is the real reason you don't want her talking to him? Do you have beef with him, or are you jealous of her or do you honestly think that she will cheat on you? Are you threatened by this guy? You have the right not to like what she does, but ultimately you don't own her and can't stop her from talking to who she wants to talk to. Just don't have any double standards with her. You can talk to who you want to as well, even if it is a girl, and if she gets an attitude about that, then tell her to stop talking to that dude.
2007-01-25 17:01:09 · answer #1 · answered by SuzyBelle04 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's a tough one! On the one hand, i can't blame u. If you dislike this blighter, it's but natural to desire that your loved ones, especially ur lady luv, don't talk to him. But on the other hand, we live in a society and there are several unwritten rules. One of them is not to be unnecessarily rude to someone. Ur girl can't give this bloke the cold shoulder just because u tell her to, citing reasons u don't care to share, if u follow my drift. So what I think you should do is, discuss with ur girl what exactly is wrong with this villain, tell her the exact reasons for ur dislike and she just might share ur dislike. Like, if he did something mean to you, she might hate him for it, if u tell her exactly what. You can take slight liberties with the truth too, exaggerating a bit, though I wouldn't really recommend it unless as a last resort and then too, only as garnish.
Don't worry, u r not being controlling or anything, u just need to communicate better with ur girl. Well, on second thoughts, u r being just a bit bossy. u know, no one like being told to do something just for the sake of being told not to. U give a good reason and see the difference! So cheer up, you're not a bad bloke. Just handle this situation more tactfully and if all goes well, I accept your thanks in advance!! Best of luck!
2007-01-25 17:19:41 · answer #2 · answered by Fra Diavolo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dunno, 9 yrs sounds like a while. how old are you guys? you know guys as well as i do, and since you don't get on with each other, that's the perfect reason for him to move in on your girl. if they were friends before, than there's somethin they liked about each other.
she might be at the point where she wants to try new things, and you should do the same.
it's only my opinion, but guys and girls can not be friends. so if your girl is talkin to him more and more, keep that in mind. if your girl stops talkin to the dude, than you've got a keeper. i'm not tryin to make you paranoid or whatever, but just don't get hurt.
best thing you can do is talk to her about this dude and tell her why he's such a d*ck
2007-01-25 17:04:37 · answer #3 · answered by robyoung3484 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she knows what happened in the past then she knows what to look out for.
It doesn't sound like you are controlling, and I totally get where you are coming from. My fiance and I let each other talk to whomever they please, but if we are uncomfortable with someone for a good reason, then we respect each other's feelings.
Maybe she wants to be friends with him again. Maybe you both need to talk about this further, instead of just telling her you aren't comfortable. He may have learned from what happened in the past, and may be trying to make amends.
It sounds like this ex friend hurt you a great deal, and you need to share that hurt with her to make her understand how you are feeling.
2007-01-25 17:02:14 · answer #4 · answered by chelles_insanity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She probably can't help it because she is not a rude person.Maybe if you tell her about the "bad past with him" and how it made you feel she will get mad at this d### head and snub him! Its very good that you try not to control her but if the d### head finds out you dont want her to talk to him he will go out of his way to p### you off.And 9 years!!!MARRY the girl for gods sakes!!!
2007-01-25 17:11:09 · answer #5 · answered by John 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's okay to not like her talking to him - but like you said, you can't control it. If she's just running into him in different places - she can't help that - I'm sure all the conversation revolves around is idle chit chat - how are you - etc... Innocent stuff. She may not like him either but it's less stressful when you're being nice or pleasant.
2007-01-25 17:01:33 · answer #6 · answered by karespromise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you actually told her why you don't like this guy, and explained the entire thing to her? She probably can't avoid the longer conversations without being rude. She may feel like you are too controlling if you don't explain it fully, and watch your words carefully.
2007-01-25 17:00:54 · answer #7 · answered by the_blue_violinist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've told her you don't like her talking to him, and that's reasonable. But you can't tell her what to do--that would be controlling. It sounds to me like she is on the level, and doesn't want to be rude. She knows how you feel--trust her to do the right thing.
2007-01-25 17:05:53 · answer #8 · answered by Petrushka's Ghost 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't HAVE to tell you at all. There is a reason why she's giving you a little piece of the story , though. I think that maybe there is more to the story. Maybe someone saw them together, and she wanted to cover her a** , so she is telling you this in case someone says something to you about it. I know know, dude, set them up. Then you'll get your answer!!!
2007-01-25 17:01:01 · answer #9 · answered by Littlemissy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
relax man worse case she runs off with him better now than 20 yrs down the road and shes probly telling the truth some people you just cant get away from without being rude and rude sucks you go gettin all bunged up and pushy and youll run her right to him
2007-01-25 17:05:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋