Does it sound like my therapist is attracted to me?

Question

I would really like serious answers only please. My therapist is married, 3 times my age, but good looking and I am unfortunately attracted to him. We’ve discussed my attraction to him and he says he’s flattered by it. He also has told me that he thinks I’m cute, attractive, etc. He said if he was closer to my age, he would be attracted to me. We discuss a lot of sexual topics. When I moved to a different city for a few months, he said he would miss me and asked me to email him, so we emailed back and forth pretty often. I've caught him glance down at my breasts before, and the biggest problem is that he will often stare at me very intensely. I know he is listening to me talk, but it’s like this deep eye contact, he never looks away. He will often keep looking at me even after I have finished saying something. Yet he tries to remain so by the rules, saying that he’s the doctor, I’m the patient and that it would ruin my treatment if something happened. I am so confused.

One of you mentioned I could be over-reading into it because I'm attracted to him...am I maybe making it a bigger deal than it really is? And then not that I would ever do such a thing but it does make me curious...if I tried to seduce him, does it sound like he would give in or stay firm about boundaries?

He says my treatment would end, but what I'm wondering is if that indicates he would want to start a new, sexual relationship ?? (that would be really bad if he really meant that right?) Or if he is just speaking hypothetically about it like 'if something were to happen'.

Answer 1

If you carry on with this, you are going to be the one hurt and end up looking for a new theripist....
He may play with you but, hes not going to fall in love with you and leave his wife for you...
Move on....
You women out there that mess with married man should be shot.....don't be a home wrecker...

Answer 2

I am attracted to my therapist as well. It's a complicated situation. I find that talking out my issues with this kind understanding person (therapist) leaves me with a good feeling at the end of the session. It's her job to be supportive, & it's easy for people like you, & I to mistake the caring, & nurturing from a good therapist as a sign of affection.
Besides, how can I not love someone who treats me so wonderfully?
I have never gone so far as to directly admit to my therapist that I am attracted to her, although I have indicated that I have strong feelings of affection for her. I am confident that if I did tell her that I am attracted to her, that she would receive that in a very kind way, but I know her to be a consumate professional, & she wouldn't let our therapist client relationship be compromised in any way.

I think that your therapist has made a technical violation by communicating via e-mail with you outside of the office. I think a better choice if he was concerned about your mental health would have been to offer to assist with referring you to another therapist in your new city.
When he tells you that you are cute, & that he would find you attractive under the right circumstances, he may be just trying to build your self-esteem. That is not a bad thing, & it would be a mistake to assume that the only reason that he would say a thing like that is because he's intersted in you in a sexual way.
Where glancing at your breasts is concerned, well he's a man. We do that sometimes, it's not necessarily a sign of love.

As for the intense stares, well my therapist does that for me as well. The way I see it is she's giving me her undevided attention, & she is keeping her eyes on me so that I can feel open to continue talking if & when I am ready.

You are probably a very attractive woman, & your therapist is a human being so he sometimes slips up, & lets his guard down.
But I would pay more attention to what he is saying about the doctor patient relationship. I think he wants to help you with your issues, & cares very much about your well being.
But don't mistake that for love. He is stating a fact when he says that if anything happened that you could no longer be his patient, & that's a very responsible position for him to take.

I consider my therapist off limits as far as a personal relationship is concerned, despite my great affection for her.
I suggest you do the same with your therapist too.
If you find that you can't do that then you may want to discuss changing therapists. Perhaps a woman would be more effective for you. Just something to think about.

Answer 3

It sound like at any decision, you still need a therapist. You are confused and very messed up. If all you're thinking on is going to the couch with Dr. Happy Pants you need a cat scan and he need his profession stripped away from him. You should think about what brought you there in the first place. If you was looking for anything, it should be love and not a sexual attraction already.You need to be happy with yourself, you are so confused right now. Sit down and read your question out loud and listen to hear if that sound like a sane person.

Answer 4

It sounds like he's attracted, but this is a no no kind of thing. If you think this might develop into anything, you should switch to a new, maybe even female, therapist. He's too old for you and married. If a therapist-patient relationship gets out of control, it should be ended.

Answer 5

I would go for a new therapist. You are attracted to a married man when you shouldn't even think about it. Drop all contact with him and move on with your life.

Answer 6

You are reading way too much into small details because you are attracted to him.

I have a feeling you discuss sexual topics because difficulties with intimate relationships is a big reason why you are seeing a therapist in the first place.

Constant eye contact is normal behavior for confident people.

He tells you he is the doctor & you are the patient to remind YOU that YOUR feelings are inappropriate....it's not uncommon...look up transference on the web, you will find many articles about it.

Answer 7

It's ok as long as it is a mild attraction but it sounds like much more than that. It's not uncommon to develop feelings for someone who has helped you so much but it's not healthy to obsess about her. You could talk to her about it, or you could switch therapists....... Talk to her.

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Answer 8

you should be confused, girlfriend. sounds like your therapist is trying his best not to entertain his fantasies with a younger woman. what man wouldn't enjoy the fact that a woman is attracted to him, whether he's married/older/business-related or not? seems like you should steer clear of him...and his wandering eyes. of course he looks at your breasts, of course he looks at you intensely...why wouldn't he? sounds like if you two keep it up it will ruin not only your treatment but his marriage as well...how can he even help you if he is repressing boyish feelings for you?! he needs to grow up and help you, or get out of your life - he is, after all, a 'professional.'

Answer 9

it actually illegal for a therapist to get involved like that with a patient. I would be careful or just get a female therapist.

Answer 10

Seriously....you've forgot to mention his marital status...I think it's really important. Age difference means nothing in beginning but can matter if relationship turns into something important.
You've really got to stop seeing him as a patient if you want something to happen. How messed up are you? Are you taking medication? If not....don't start.
Try Yoga and excercise...eat right and don't ever underestimate the power of prayer.
Good luck
Michael Timothy