I can't seem to make my depressed girl friend happy.?

Question

So basically, I'm in a relationship with this girl and I love her completely... the problem is, because of her pretty rough past of abuse and other such crap, she's constantly depressed. Sometimes she's sort of happy and that's when I find it's easiest for us. But at other times she'll just think about the past and I can't do anything. I'd like to think I make things better but I don't. I don't know what to do. I've told her that my main thing is for her to be happy because it in turn makes me happy. But the same rule applies for when she's depressed. I just don't know what to do, and I'm afraid that if things don't improve I'm not going to be able to deal with it given how it effects me too...

Answer 1

You can't make other people happy, you can only amuse or please them. She has to find her own happiness, and if she's truly depressed, she needs medical help. You can't fix her, and if she won't get appropriate help, you may need to bail to save yourself.

Answer 2

I'm twenty, and never had a girlfriend LMAO. My life is pretty swell, i'm busy with college, and all sorts of ****. 16 is pretty early to say your life is going down the drain Pick up weed, nothing else. I have a friend who tried cigs, smoked a pack a day, eventually got throat cancer. She has no health insurance so...dunno what will happen to her. Weed's safe, just don't do it too much; but the good thing about it is that you can't OD on it. Ringing int he ear I had, but that was because a fly was in my ear. It's gone now. Well, i'm lying, I did have a girlfriend and it was more stress than I thought it would be. Take your time and find the right girl. Women are trouble...espically to your wallet. Materialistic creatures that only seek your security so they can make sure they take care of their children. You're in high school anyway so you have plenty of time. I'm just trying to get the **** out of my parents place...

Answer 3

The thing is you are spending time just telling her you want her to be happy. You need to also show it. I don't mean show her by buying her things, always taking her out to dinner, or telling her to take a bath and lay down. When people start talking about the past or what depresses them, the best thing to do is listen. Give her some time to release the depressing thoughts and ;maybe you fix the dinner. Ask her what might have happened that day to set off the depression. When you do simple things like this is when you show you do care, want to make things right, and want to be there. Gifts only work for a few minutes or hours. Your ears, eyes, and your heart will last for much longer.

Answer 4

Life is way too short to let someone drag you down like that all the time. Clearly you have reached a point of ultimatum, as you can't put up with the current situation much longer.

You could go the route of telling her about how you truly feel, laying it all on the line so to speak, and see what kind of reaction you get (like if she realizes/cares that your relationship is strained or could soon be ending), however...

...a quick fix may not last long, she could perk up temporarily to appease you so you don't leave her, but depression just doesn't go away overnight, she probably needs counseling and/or mood altering medication for long-term stability.

Your other option is to just end things with her and move on. A no nonsense, drama-free split. No sense making her self-consious about her problems by bringing them up as the reason for the breakup, just explain that it's not working out and you are doing her a favor by ending it sooner rather than dragging it out so you both can move on.

Answer 5

If it is really serious, she will need some kind of therapy. If not, take her away from everything as often as possibly. I don't mean expensive places, but just getting away. Go out of the city. Picnics, hiking, boating, sightseeing, etc... Make sure that whatever you do is not things she used to do.
And most importantly, do things where she will learn new things.
In other words, build a future and she might see that the past is being forgotten.

Answer 6

she needs meds and therapy, there is really not much you can do except help her get this help, it can be very hard for a depressed person with such a history to do, but trust me, if you love her, the trouble will be worth it - be there for her, and realize it may take years for her to be happy, good luck! My husband saw me through the same thing, and now I am well, and he's my angel, I'd do anything to make him happy, he saved my life!

Answer 7

Your first mistake you have is you said: "problem is, because of her pretty rough past of abuse and other such crap,".
I'd suggest you put your hormones on hold and learn to be a bit more sensitive to things other than the "man" things.

Answer 8

You cannot make another person happy. She needs to see a psychiatrist and a counselor to help her work through the trauma she has experienced. A relationship can only be as healthy as the people who are involved in it, and she is not healthy enough to be a good partner to you. I know you want to help and support her, but you have to realize that you cannot fix her. If she is not willing to get help and work on her problems, there is no way you will ever have a good relationship with her. Talk to her and tell her this and see if she really wants to get better. If not, save yourself.

Answer 9

Aw ur a real sweet guy for caring like this. But what can u do if all she is..is deprresed? Take her out somewhere fun..maybe tha'll help. Get her to do things da get her mind of stuff. and have a deep convo with her and tell her da uve been trying to do everything for her and now ur feelin da shes not apreciatin it and maybe ur jus not the person to make her happy..i know that hurts but sometimes we jus gota face wit reality and how things really r.

Answer 10

It sounds like she could use some medicine like antidepressants or anxiety meds. Or, maybe encourage her to get more excercise, take her hiking on a regular basis or join a sports team. Something that will help pump her seratonin up on a regular basis!! most of all, be supportiva and understanding, she'll pull through! Couseling is always great too!

Answer 11

Your in a world of trouble. My wife has a history and it is a trial that gets worse before it gets better. My marriage got progressively worse for 16 years before even a sign of progress.

If she was abused, you are going to pay with most of your life and your kids aren't going to be normal either. You have to wait for the grandchildren. And be on the lookout for role reversal, this can be very dangerous.