How do I break up with him?

Question

How do you break up with a guy who is absolutely obsessed with you? My boyfriend calls me endlessly and he's always afraid of me breaking up with him or being mad at him. He pretty much starts a lot of sentences with, "Don't take it the wrong way..." and ends with, "I really hope I haven't offended you..." I mean, I don't get mad easily and he acts like I'm going to throw a chair at him.

To make matters worse, I promised him when we started dating that I wouldn't hurt him again. I don't want to. I really don't. But I can't stand this. I feel like he's the woman in this relationship! Whiny, clingy...I'm going to go nuts! I love him to death, don't get me wrong, but this is NOT working out.

How do I break up with him and cause him on minimal hurt? I know I can't NOT hurt him at all, but how do I break up with him and not make him go into a spiraling depression?!

BTW. It's a long distance relationship and I'm only 14.

We met at camp and I'd known him for a 5 months when he asked me out. We've been dating for about 2-3 months now.

Answer 1

don't delay!

take that big step and say "we have to talk" he will know and go from there

set new boundaries and be clear, firm

if tested, act on it, and in serious cases, call cops or family and ask for help. It took my sister YEARS to ditch a guy like you described and it took all 3 brothers to confront the guy, and he still has hots for Sis even though she is married, he never moved on

Answer 2

just do a clean break. Think of it this way- its HIS problem not yours. It sounds callous but its better for both of you. Dont look back. Try and say, I am not respecting you and your qualification comments like 'dont take it the wrong way.' and inform him that the end has come. And there will be no going back together.

Do it in a public place with plenty of witnesses if he is the crazy type who may get angry. A restaurant is ok. Then have a friend call you at a pre-set time so it doesnt get awkward.

Then look for someone you can respect.

If he has any logical synapses and if you are able to avoid seeing him in the future it is easier. If he is the stalker type and doesnt get the message after ignoring his messages for 2 weeks you may want to consider changing your phone number or blocking his number from your service provider. If it continues after that, call the police and have some officers talk to him.

A good rule of thumb for men to pick up is the 3 strike, you out of the game with that girl rule. After that you start looking desparate and creepy.

If he continues past 2 weeks... and he is really psycho..., Then you may need to call the mafia or leave town. Just kidding, dont call the mafia.

Answer 3

Well, tell him "Don't take it the wrong way but I can't handle being w a clingy paranoid nut. I really hope I haven't offended you.
Seriously, just be as kind and honest w him as you can and be clear about why it isn't working. Tell him you care about him and hope maybe what you've said will help him in the future w relationships. And if you can remain friends it would be nice since you obviously care about him, though if he is that obsessed then that may not be possible. Best of luck to you, and don't feel guilty, it does noone a favor to be w someone you don't want to be with.

Answer 4

Well, if he's this into you, then a spiralling depression is quite inevitable. Regardless, you have to live YOUR life as you choose, not as he wants. If it's not going to work out, tell him that you don't think it will work out. If he gets upset, tell him that's one of the major contributing factors. If he can't handle what's on your mind, meaning if you can't be honest with him, then there's not much of a relationship. A relationship relies on a delicate balance of trust, honesty, and love. If any of these chemicals are missing, you don't have the element that is a relationship. There's no such thing as 'minimal hurt' when it comes to a break-up. Unless it is, and has been, imminent for a prolongued period of time.
There will always be hurt when a person is clingy in a relationship. The reason being is.. well, they're clingy! They always want to be with you, always want to be touching you, anything like that. If this is the case, it means they are VERY into you, which of course will set them off(negatively of course) when broken up with. Since I'm a pretty whiney, clingy guy, I would be devastated if my girlfriend broke up with me.
Another huge factor in breaking up is the amount of time you have been together. If you have known him for a long time, but have been dating for a short amount of time, the hurt may not be as bad because he may be able to accept just being your friend than not having you around at all. If you have known him for a short amount of time, and have been dating for a short amount of time, however, the hurt may be at it's upmost minimal in this case. If you have been dating for a longer period of time, like .. I don't know, let's say over a year or so. If you have been dating for this long, the hurt will probably be at it's worst in this kind of scenario because he's used to you being around, and he's gotten used to it, since you've been there for over a year(again: if this is the case).
So, all-in-all you can't really minimalise the hurt if it's a longer relationship, unless you do it in a subtle manner, like gradual steps out of the relationship. Of course, it's not a sure-proof thing. Well.. hope ANY of this rambling help(s/ed)!
I'll end on a quote:
'Control your own Life, or somebody else will.' .. Hopefully this isn't You, and hopefully it will never be.

~Ciao!

Answer 5

Say to him, "You don't seem to sure of yourself when it comes to me, so I'd like to take some time off and think about whether we really should be together. I love you, and I don't want either of us to get hurt, but you're starting to worry me with all your hesitation (don't say insecurities), and so we need to chill and think about this." That will buy you some time anyway, and maybe he'll come to some conclusions. Then when he does this for like two days instead of two weeks or months, ask him what conclusions he has come to, ask him why he's so hesitant around you. And if he can't answer you, then tell him to write you a letter when he has figured it out. This way you're being honest about what's bothering you, and you're putting the ball in his court. Because ifhe's that insecure around everyone, you don't want him, and if it's only around you you don't want him. He might go away for a few days and have a great emotional breakthrough and change and be a charming, secure, confident man, a new man, and you'll be happy; you'll be really happy. But don't hold your breath waiting for that to happen.

Answer 6

There is no way for a NON-mutual breakup to go nicely. It's easier to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission, so just sit down and do it, then deal with it. Don't drag it on. Don't lead him on. The sooner you get it over with the sooner you can get on with your life, unless of course you feel this guy has the potential to be a real threat afterwards. You can't define Minimal hurt. Remember something about dating, don't make promises you really have no idea if you can keep especially promises about feelings and emotions.

Answer 7

Talk to him and tell him that you are not happy. Tell him there is nothing he can do to make you feel better and that you have to go. There is no way to break it to him gently. If you try to, it will drag on as he will plead with you for a second, third and more chances.
Break it off clean and don't try to be a friend about it. Sometimes the kindest breakup is the most drastic for those who are obsessed.

Answer 8

Sometimes sitting down and talking about issues that ya'll have that are becoming problems. Ask for more space and less clingy.
It seems like he might be pussywiped or wurships the ground u walk on. aslo girls always act like the way he is acting. You most be VERY BEAUTIFUL or RICH for him to act like this.

He is afraid to lose you to anybody else and if you do leave him, his heart will crack into small pieces...
You don't have to leave him but, but, but you MOST tell him the GUIDELINES to your SPACE NEEDS, RESPECT, DISTANCE and WANTS.

IF he wants to keep you, you must make it clear that he will stop being annoying will his LOVE URGES!!! He really loves you to much to lose something like you which might be considered "PRICELESS!"

Yours truly, ej942

Answer 9

You're not going to cause him minimal hurt, but you have to think of yourself first. He has to grow up, and maybe needs a breakup to give him a reality check, or a set of balls. Do what's best for yourself. Good luck!

Answer 10

Why not make it easy on him by being unbearable to be around. Make him spend the day with you while you shop for shoes (that would convince me!). Be very demanding and hound him on the phone and he will be only too glad to bail out!