Am I obsessed?

Question

I'm in a relationship that sometimes make me happy but more times I'm sad.My b/f doesn't physically abuse me,although in the past he has hit me and said horrible things when things were going wrong in his life.He blames me for everything that happens to him.Lately he has been having financial problems and I'm getting all the backlash even though I have myself gone broke to satisfy his wants and needs.I haven't really ben able to keep a job because since I've been involved with him,I've lost all my drive and motivation.It's easier said than done to just say get out of the relationship.It feels like I'm just stuck and drawn to him.He's a hard-worker and he "keeps me content"with trips to the hair salon and few material things but I know I'm worth better than that.He is also a known liar by everyone,even his family.Why can't I get away?Why do I feel guilty about HIS problems?Ifeel like I can't leave without fixing him first.I'm neglecting my own feelings.Help please!!!

Answer 1

Oh girl. Been there.

I was with a great guy who spoiled me rotten, but it was an abusive relationship. Not physically, but emotionally. I had all kinds of restrictions about who I could see and what I could go do without him, and more times than notI walked on egg shells around him so as not to set him off.

This went on for almost three years. I knew after a year I needed to get out of it but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. He was an ex addict who I feared would go back to his old ways if I left him...I started feeling responsible for his life. Eventually I did break it off. Even when I did, it still took like 4 months to completely separate myself from him. But in the long run I found a guy who treats me right, he found a girl who is better suited for him and no one fell off the wagon.

You know you deserve better. You know you're strong enough to go on with out him. Its just having the motivation. You think "It's not that bad, why rock the boat?" No one can convince you when it's going to be right to leave. You're not obsessed, you're co-dependent and only you know when you'll be ready to get out but BELIEVE me, once you do you'll be kicking yourself that you didn't do it sooner.

Ok this got really long but in short: Bite the bullet angel. Get out before you wake up in 5 years and wonder what you've been doing with your life. Do it. Good luck

Answer 2

No your are not obsessed. You allowing yourself to be a victim.
I was in a very similar situation like yours a couple of years ago - I went broke, lost my job and so on. It is very difficult to leave him as the times he treats you well, you feel like you are on top of the world, but the down side is that when he's going through a stage, it's your fault and there is nothing you can do to make it better. You cannot fix him - as he does not really *want* to be fixed.
The best thing you can do is put distance between you and him. If it is possible, visit relatives in a city many miles away. Don't accept phone calls and take some time to evaluate your situation. If you can't get away, do your best to not go to places that will make you think of him or do things that you would do with him. You have to break the connection.
I spent 1.5 years in my situation and that was 3 years ago and I still don't feel like I have my old drive back. I feel like I lost part of myself and that he *destroyed* part of me. I lost my joy and sense of feeling special.
For your own sake, get away and try to find you again. The guy is poison to your soul.

Answer 3

Nope but if you don't leave him, you will continue to be on emotional roll coaster and he will simply toss you away and you'll be alone!!!

I had a friend like you. Very simular situation including fact only sometimes abused (once I think), and all the complexities.

She recycled her friends who tried to help her according to what she wanted. Break up or not.

Right now? She's single, 41 with a kid and he's married to somebody else. He does not care much for the kid he had with her. All bad. (He has a good job, she has a bad one, mostly because her marks were bad because of emotions involving him.)

Let me tell you again, girl, you know the answer to your question. Break up. But you don't want to do it because you can't handle the short time down feeling.

Don't feel guilty. Relationships go two ways. You matter too.
YOU CAN'T FIX HIM. I'M SORRY TO SAY GIRL, YOU ARE NOT A GOD. YOUR CHOICE IS WHETHER YOU WANT TWO BROKEN PEOPLE OR JUST ONE.

God bless

Answer 4

Read these words carefully.

You are not responsible for his problems, and you can't fix him if he doesn't care to fix himself.

There are worse things than being alone, and if you stay with him, things will get worse, not better.

Unless you physically attacked him, there is no justifiable reason for him to strike you. Nothing that you could have said or done deserves such a response. Please think better of yourself - you deserve better than this, and the situation that troubles you so much now isn't likely to change for the better in the future.

Get out while you can, the sooner the better. Contact a local shelter or women's center - they can provide support and good advice.

By the way, you will surely see a LOT of other responses similar to this one. Take our advice to heart, let it sink in, work up your courage, and move on to a better life.

Good luck to you!

Answer 5

Reread your letter and imagine it was written by someone you love and would hate to see hurt, like your little sister or something. What would you tell her to do? Which parts would you tell her are just not good reasoning? It sounds to me like you already know what to do, you're just trying to summon up the strength. Well, you better do it soon, because he is sucking the life out of you.

If you want to know why you "can't" get away and feel like you have to fix him first, it is probably because of some aspect of your relationship with at least one of your parents. You could read some Harville Hendrix who explains it very well. But too much insight would be your enemy right now, you need to value yourself enough to get safe, get away.

Answer 6

I don't think you're obsessed, but you do have a victim mindset. How can you say he hasn't abused you, then acknowledge that he hit you? You need to get into therapy. Don't wait to break up; just GO. The rest will take care of itself if you stay in therapy.

Answer 7

BABY IT IS CALLED CO-DEPENDENCE......READ YOUR QUESTION CLOSLEY AGAIN IMAGINING THAT A GOOD FRIEND, FAMILY MEMBER (SOMEONE YOU LOVE) ASKED YOU THIS AND WHAT WOULD YOU TELL THEM.........

GET OUT OF IT, YOU DESERVE BETTER AND HE HAS ISSUES ONLY HE CAN FIX, YOU CAN NOT FIX A PERSON LIKE THIS. PAST ACTIONS ARE A GREAT PREDICTOR OF FUTURE ACTIONS THAT USUALLY GET WORSE AS TIME GOES BY. YOU CAN NOT FIX HIM WE HAVE ALL HAD AT LEAST ONE OF THESE IN OUR LIVES AND THEY USUALLY TAKE US DOWN WITH THEM, THE LONGER YOU STAY THE WORSE YOUR SELF ESTEEM WILL SUFFER AND GOD HELP IF IT PROGRESSIVELY GETS WORSE AND IT MAY BECOME PHYSICALLY DANGEROUS FOR YOU.

THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY LOVING RELATIONSHIP (AT LEAST ON HIS PART) IT IS A SICK CO-DEPENDENT NIGHTMARE FOR YOU THAT 99.9% OF THE TIME ONLY GET WORSE!
TAKE CARE OF YOU........PLEASE!

Answer 8

Get the Hell out of that relationship and start focusing on yourself for once you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy

Answer 9

i think you are a bit obsessed. do you have spare money for you to go travelling abroad, i think it might help. don't go for only a few days but 2 or 3 weeks. during your vacation you;ll get your head clearer and can think clearly what you should do.

Answer 10

He's doing it psychologically through his speech. Decide what you want, this will undermine his authority over yourself, and you'll have the power back. You'll be able to see through his speech, and what you truly want will reign.