I was dating this woman for about a month when she misunderstood an email I sent her. she wanted me to apologize to her, but that's truly not what I meant in the email. Would you?
2007-01-25 15:33:45 · 51 answers · asked by djbod2006 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
dont appologize just tell her what u ment.there is no need to say ur sorry ,
2007-01-25 15:38:10 · answer #1 · answered by carebear_destroyer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Repeat after me, from the first chapter of "THE MAN BOOK," ....
"Yes, dear, I was wrong, dear, you're right, dear."
Ugh!
Seriously, I would say it's fine to apologize for wording it in a way that caused her to misinterpret it ... that way, you're saying it's you're fault that she can't understand you. She may like that, as it fills her need to be right.
However, in the long run - and I don't know how serious the issue was that she misunderstood - but, in the long run, if she's that touchy, and that insistent upon you saying you are wrong and apologizing, she may be a disaster waiting to happen.
... for you ladies out there who may think I'm dissing the female gender, please read further ...
... I honestly think women are the crowning creation or the greatest result of evolution or whatever .... but, I'd say the same thing if a woman wrote that her BF was doing a powertrip and insisting that she apologize for something he misunderstood.
When either party of a relationship can't just say, 'ok, I misunderstood, but I'd be really PO'd if you had meant what I thought,' then I think that person has some issues that make a meaninful relationship difficult to imagine.
No one is a mind-reader ... and if he / she cannot accept that the other did not intend the comment as they interpreted, then I think that's a red flag. Maybe not a deal-breaker, but a warning flag. And too many warning flags mean a hurricane is on the horizon.
JMHO.
2007-01-25 15:54:16 · answer #2 · answered by View from a horse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah yes. My husband accuses me of this all the time :)
She says "apology"- but perhaps what she really wants is empathy.
If you did not mean it in the way she took it, all you can do is explain yourself. I can understand why you don't want to knuckle under and feel like she is leading you around with a ring in your nose.
Perhaps what she really wants to hear is:
"You were hurt by what the email said. You know that I didn't mean it in the way that you took it.
I understand it's hard because you probably were mad for a while over the email because I wasn't there physically to explain the true meaning.
You have to promise me that if this happens again, you will give ME a chance to explain before you become too angry, and I promise that I will never intentionally hurt you. "
That is not an apology- it is an empathetic and supporting statement.
She misunderstood and is hurting. She wants vindication- but she has no right to it since the misunderstanding is her own fault.
Some people are not good at understanding this concept and refuse to move on when they are at fault.
If you want to salvage the relationship- you should empathize with her....
or take this as a sign she is emotionally immature and you are on the road to more drama.
Good luck
2007-01-25 15:47:11 · answer #3 · answered by There you are∫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not about intention. Even if you are misunderstood and innocent, apologizing is about how it affected her. You can say to her that you are sorry she got hurt as a result of the misunderstanding, but also explain what you really were trying to say to her. This kind of an apology isn't about eating crow and wimping you out; the result was she interpreted it as something that eventually hurt her. Let her know you'd never intentionally do that to her and apologize to her that it came across unclear to her. Good luck.
2007-01-25 15:43:28 · answer #4 · answered by Nose 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter what you meant when it comes to whether or not you apologize. For example, if I borrow my sister's sweater and I get a stain on it, I apologize. I didn't mean to ruin her sweater - it was a total accident, but I will still apologize because it was my responsibility to get it back to her in tact.
It is your responsibility to communicate clearly, to mean what you say and say what you mean. I would apologize for the miscommunication and then explain what you really meant. You're not apologizing for saying something terrible on purpose - you're apologizing for mixed up communications.
I would expect any woman to do the same thing in that situation. I don't like the "always apologize to me because I'm the woman and I'm always right" thing. It's patronizing.
2007-01-25 15:44:59 · answer #5 · answered by Charade 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If simply explaining it isn't enough for her and you really like her, then you should apologize for sending an email that was easily misunderstood, and promise you'll try not to do that again. Even though you are quite right, logic does not always work with females, and you need to be man enough to understand and accept that.
A much riskier proposal would be to get angry with her - for assuming the worst rather than giving you the benefit of a doubt. I mean, what kind of sick woman assumes the worst about you? That gambit may work if she doesn't see it coming.
2007-01-25 15:40:59 · answer #6 · answered by Thegustaffa 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can see your problem this is quite the quagmire. I would do both, apologize to her for what you said and then explain to her what you meant and tell her you never meant to hurt her feelings. This way she knows that you meant well and she will respect you. Now you can do this two ways, in a return e-mail only or in an e-mail then re-affirm it when you meet her in person. This way it will show that she meant a lot to you by going to all the trouble of making sure her feelings or heart was not hurt or broken.
2007-02-02 13:40:16 · answer #7 · answered by Robert L G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm...i am a woman to start with. Well, she may have misunderstood your email, but at least you have to clarify with her what you meant in that email. She may have been offended or something, so in that specific reason only, you should at least apologize. Saying sorry is not such of a big task for someone you like, right?
2007-01-25 15:39:52 · answer #8 · answered by jen_good girl 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I dont think so but some girls like how you see it on television love that. I think that if the guy has no reason to apologize than he shouldnt. I wouldnt apologize to her I would just simply explain what I meant from the email.
2007-02-02 07:56:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her what you really meant in the email you sent her, then say - I'm sorry if you misunderstood what I was saying.
I'm sure you are sorry that she misunderstood your email, and by saying that statement it's not like really apologizing for something you didn't really do.
2007-01-25 15:42:13 · answer #10 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
HMMMMMMM....WHY WOULD YOU APOLOGIZE FOR SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT SORRY FOR OR FEEL AN APOLOGY IS NOT WARRANTED??
WELL MAYBE THE APOLOGY SHOULD BE FROMHER FOR PREJUDGING YOU IN YOUR EMAIL....BUT MEN OFTEN MAKE THE MISTAKE OF NOT THINKING BEFORE THEY SPEAK....WHAT SOMETIMES IS NOTHING TO A MAN IS A BOULDER TO A WOMAN.....
MAYBE IF YOU REALLY LIKED HER...WHICH IS OBVIOUS IF YOU ARE STILL THINKING ABOUT HER...
MAYBE AND APOLOGY IS NEEDED BECAUSE SHE FEELS SO STRONGLY THAT YOU MEANT SOMETHING ELSE.
STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF WITHOUT BEING SELF-CENTERRED.
HOW ABOUT THIS:
"I REALLY AM SORRY THAT MY EMAIL AFFECTED YOU LIKE THAT...IT SURELY WASN'T MEANT TO BE THE WAY YOU ARE TAKING IT...."
KEEP YOUR SIDE OF THE STREET CLEAN...YOU'LL SLEEP BETTER AT NIGHT KNOWING YOU DID.
2007-01-25 15:44:51 · answer #11 · answered by JULIA T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋