My Boyfriend Lies to me about Talking to his ex. is that OK?

Question

Ok, so i've been with my bf for 2 years. Our first mnth 2gthr he asked me if it was ok to meet his ex. I wasn't comftbl. So i said no. By christmas of that year, i found out that they met up, she was calling his vm. and that they were emailing regly. I was obvsly upset, so i told him about it. And in return he called her and told her it was best they dont talk. So i thought all was fine, but still had that feeling. We are now in our 2nd yr and i just found out that the 2 are still talking, and behind my back again. He thinks its ok, and tells me they are just friends. But he doesnt undrstnd that i am not ok with it and it hurts me that he does it (because of the lies and betrayl)So we got into a huge fight and he got mad and started saying that he will never end the communication between the 2 beacuse of the friendship (they went together for 5 yrs and lived together.) Any way, im so confused, not too sure what to do. Am I over reacting?

Answer 1

You might be over reacting. I have a boyfriend that I've been with for about 6 months. And I still spend a lot of time with one of my exes. Because my ex IS one of my best friends and there is NOT ANYTHING romantic between us. My ex and I tried dating twice and it didn't work out. But we get along great as friends. Right now I am doing some part time work for him. I need the income and he works for himself and likes having the help. He really is like a brother to me. I care about him very much and have NO interest in a romantic relationship. If my boyfriend told me to stop seeing him, the relationship between us would become very tense. I'm not sure who I would choose because my boyfriend is so wonderful... but I would resent having to lose my friend if I did stay with him. Now, the other side of the story... when I first started dating my boyfriend, I tried to bring up this ex very carefully. I explained what I've told you here. Then, I had the both of them over to dinner so that they could meet. I wanted to get my friend's opinion of my new boyfriend and I wanted my boyfriend to see that we were platonic. I talk about each one with the other all the time. So they both know what is going on. In fact, my ex really encouraged me to keep dating this guy. So my boyfriend was smart to let me keep the friendship because the friendship has strengthened my relationship! When I had doubts about my bf at the beginning my ex would say that he seemed to him like a really great catch and that I shouldn't worry about those things. Anyway... my suggestion to you is that I think you need to spend some time around this girl. Find out if it's a platonic friendship or whether one of them still has feelings for the other. You should be able to tell if you spend some time around them both. If you're not skilled at reading those kinds of things (body language and such) then bring along a girlfriend and get her opinion too. Ask her if she thinks there's anything going on. Tell your boyfriend he can see her, but you want everything on the up-and-up out in the open. If there's nothing going on, he should not have a problem talking to here on the phone while you're in the room. If you hear the conversation you'll know what's going on... Is he talking cutesy to a sexy girl or just shooting the breeze with a bud? He shouldn't mind if you read the e-mails, etc. Just spend some time seeing how the two of them interact. If it's platonic, then get over it. If it's flirtatious then you might need to start looking for a new bf...

Answer 2

It isn't ok that he lied to you and went behind your back.

I think it is ok to be friends with an ex because I am friends with my ex's. That is how I am. I know that there are people who cannot be friends with their ex's. Once that part of their lives are over, they want that whole part over.

He shouldn't have lied.

You both need to sit down when you are calm and discuss it . Be open about your feelings and he needs to listen without being defensive. You also need to listen without int eruption and tell him how you felt betrayed by him telling you he ended the communication and then did it anyway. Would he like it if the roles were reversed???

It wasn't ok for him to lie about it. He knew it bothered you in the beginning and supposedly called it off for you. He betrayed you and your trust. That is not ok. You cannot have a relationship if you cannot have full honesty, communication, and trust.

I hope you guys can work it out. I will say a prayer for you. Hugs to you.

Answer 3

I can understand why you don't tolerate ex's. Most girls don't (my ex didn't) and I don't either - and I'm a guy. I don't think your overreacting. I think it's normal for you to be scared - since you've been cheated on and hurt in the past. I'm sorry to say this, but to me it seems like he is hiding something. Why would he lie to you and delete the messages from this other girl? If he loved you and respected you enough, he would tell his ex where to go and tell her he's moved on. This is only my opinion, but I hope it works out for you.

Answer 4

Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/TayIk

Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.

The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.

Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.

Answer 5

If nothing is going on between them then he shouldn't be lying or being sneaky about it. And if you guys are in a serious realtionship and he really cares about you then he should care about how you're feeling too. Have you met this girl or if it were out in the open then you should all be able to hang out together, why does it have to be them alone?

Answer 6

you have every right to be insecure, not trying to hurt your feelings but obviously there is still something going on between the two you can not be lovers and friends with someone else outside a relationship while you are in one. don't be a fool ! Let go and hurt now than stay and hurt forever

Answer 7

Being a guy i was in this same spot being your boyfirend......he still cares for the other and would sleep with her if he gets a chance...he wouldnt even feel bad because his love for her is different then his for you..... dont even fight with him about it ether leave quick and hold your head up or treat him super good and eventally he'll start to feel bad and tell you if he cheated ..

Answer 8

you are not overreacting at all it about respect the other one
feeling, he not doing this, and that a problem because if she
and arre over he should not be talking to her and he lying
about it as well. that a sure thing that you dont do, and let him
know that if the table was turned how would he feel if you talk
to your ex all the time.. you should be his friend, she his ex
time to let him know how you feel . and maybe time to leave
it along.

Answer 9

if your boyfriend and his ex are really just friends then you should not bother.. but you need to communicate again about this with your boyfriend.. try to find the right solution..
if he said that he will never end the communication with her then you should try some ways to compromise that..
the sooner the better..

Good luck :)

Answer 10

I'm sorry, but to be blunt...YOU ARE RIGHT!

If you're dating for 2 years, then that's it. The "ex" is just that; an ex. Get rid of her. I would never put up with that. Being just friends is great with members of the opposite sex, but not when they've had sex!

Either she goes, or he does...

(I'm a guy by the way..)